best answer to whoever makes me laughh?

Question

I just want to like die right now and pee in my pantst by laughing lol...can u taker the challenge?...go for it...hehe

Answer 1

Man ask his wife to tell him something that will make him happy and mad at the same time. His wife said " Your d--k is bigger than your brothers."

Answer 2

An old southern country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem
too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
- a Bible,
- a silver dollar,
- a bottle of whisky and
- a Playboy magazine

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a
businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a
skirt-chasin' bum."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna be a "Politician"!:(

Answer 3

Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world. Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever. When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole. Osama said, “We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves. “Uncle Sam said, “That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

Answer 4

A horse walks up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "Why the long face??"

A blonde calls her boyfriend, and tells him he has to come over. She tells him she has a killer jigsaw puzzle and she can't figure it out or how to get started.
The boyfriend asks "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde says " according to the picture on the box it's a tiger."
The boyfriend decides to go and help her. She lets him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box and turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger".
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then...........
he sighed.....
Let's put all of the Frosted Flakes back into the box.

cracked me up!

Answer 5

Women stop in cemetery to pee?

Question Details: Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back,just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."

Answer 6

I love this joke:

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"

Answer 7

Probably not the best but....

Why didnt the security men not allow dogs in the White House?

They were afraid the dogs would pee on the Bush.

Answer 8

a cowboy walks into a bar and sits down. a woman sits down and asks 'are you a real cowboy?' he replies, 'well, all my life i've hurdded cows, built fences, and lived off the land. i've never left my huge ranch, until i had to go to court for me and my wife's divorce. the woman replies, 'i just found im a lesbian. i've thought about women all my life. when i eat, sleep and work."

the bartender walks up and asks,'are you a real cowboy?'
the cowboy replies, 'i used to think i was was, but i just realised im a lesbian"

Answer 9

A couple was on their 25th anniversary. As the wife was unclothing she looked at her husband and said," what did you first think when you saw me naked?"

He said,"I wanted to F your brains out and suck your breasts dry."

She said well,"What are you thinking now?

"I reckon I did a pretty good job!"

Answer 10

what's the difference between Frosted Flakes and the Chicago Bears?
Answer: one belongs in a "bowl"