Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

The driver says "you cannot get on my bus, I am ram jam full" The man says "I don't want to know your name I just want to go to Kingston.

2007-01-20 03:38:43 · 12 answers · asked by Missing Link 3

2007-01-20 03:38:07 · 5 answers · asked by Bingo 2

Monday morning at the doctors, and as usual it's jam packed to the door. All of a sudden the door opens and this little asian fellow comes running in and makes his way to the front of the queue. Stopped just as he goes through the door by a big fat bloke who informs him he'll have to wait his turn like everyone else, the little asian man says "but Iam the doctor"

2007-01-20 03:29:33 · 6 answers · asked by Missing Link 3

Then please call my ex and torture him. He is a recovering crack head that abandond his son and cheated! he is from mississippi. so go for it and have fun. THANKS. if you can email me and tell me how it went lol. allie_n_ks@yahoo.com

2007-01-20 03:28:53 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: How did the FBI know that Al Qaeda was responsible for the attacks of 9/11?

A: They found Bin Laden's middle-fingerprint inside Bu$h's ars ehole!

2007-01-20 03:25:50 · 3 answers · asked by Mehmet Azk 2

Ten points two first correct answer

2007-01-20 03:24:58 · 10 answers · asked by J C 2

and puts it in the cage with the budgie,next morning he awakes 2 find d parrot hovis in d bottom of his cage.so he marches back to the petshop and says to the owner tha t parrot that i bought yesterday is dead...so the owner produces a cockatiel,and he takes ot home and puts it in the cage with the budgie and the next morning he awakes to find the cockatiel dead as a doornail.he marches back to the shop and says i am not being funny mate but i got up this morning and the cockatiel was dead too...so the guys goes to the top of the shop and produces a american vulture..and says this will be sweet because it has a long life span..so he takes it home puts it in the cage with the budgie.5am he hears a big scream,so he runs down stairs and sees the vulture flat out at the bottom of the cage and the budgie stood there without a feather on him,so he says what has happened.............the budgie stuck his chest out ...and said ...phew I had to take my coat of for that one......

2007-01-20 03:08:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Click on link then click on blue circle.
Apparently this is an IQ test given to job applicants in Japan.
Everybody has to cross the river.

The following rules apply:

Only two persons on the raft at a time.
The father cannot stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence.
The mother cannot stay with any of the sons without their father's presence.
The thief (striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member if the
policeman is not there.
Only the father, the mother and the policeman know how to operate the raft.

To start, click on the big blue circle on the right.

To move the people, click on them.

To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf

2007-01-20 03:07:33 · 21 answers · asked by Little miss naughty 2

I OPENED MY MATES LUNCH BOX OPENED A PACKET OF HIS CRISPS, ATE HALF OF THEM, THEN TOOK A POO IN THEM AND STUCK THE PACKET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN WITH SUPER GLUE, AT LUNCH TIME WHEN HE OPENED HE WASENT IMPRESSED AND WE NEARLY HAD A FIGHT,
WOULD YOU HAVE TOOK THIS AS AJOKE AND LAUGHED IT OFF OR BE A SOUR FACE LIKE HE WAS?

2007-01-20 03:04:22 · 11 answers · asked by lee b 2

It was said that in the former USSR ranks in the military were demonstrated according to the amount of facial hair. Thus a totally clean-shaven face was that of a private, while a Hitler-moustache was a corporal's; whereas a moustache was a sargeant's, a goatee was a captain's, a Van Dyke's beard was colonel's...until a full grown beard was that of a general.

One day a full-bearded general in uniform was walking in the army and was saluted by all the soldiers there, when a clean-shaven soldier passed by him without giving him the military salute. The angry general turned back at him and shouted in his face: "PRIVATE! WHY YOU'LL GIVE ME A GENERAL'S SALUTE OR I'LL HAVE YOU COURT-MARTIALLED!!!" The clean-shaven soldier then quickly took off his pants and under-wear and showed the general a tremendous amount of pubic hair "Field-Marshal J K Medjikhov!" he said fiercely with a grim look at the general "Head of the Military Secret Intelligence!" he added firmly!!!

2007-01-20 02:53:09 · 5 answers · asked by Mehmet Azk 2

2007-01-20 02:51:11 · 6 answers · asked by mynk_swc 1

Three men, an American, Russian and an African are comparing who's people had achieved the most. So the Russian goes "we were the first in outer space". The American goes "Ha! That's nothing man, we were the first on the moon." The African goes "That's nothing you two! We will be the first to visit the sun!" The American and the Russian shake their heads and laugh. The American says "And how do you suppose you'll do that? You'll be cooked by the time you get there." The Russian agrees with "Yes, its too dangerous!" The African replies "Do you think we are stupid? We'll go at night!"

No offence intended.

2007-01-20 02:01:36 · 12 answers · asked by discombobulated girl 4

2007-01-20 02:00:24 · 8 answers · asked by Pamela b 1

2007-01-20 01:53:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dustman calls to collect Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where’s your bin...? Chinese man says I bin in the bedroom, Dustman says No where is your dust bin, Chinese man says I just told you I Dust bin in the bedroom. Dustman says NO where is your wheelie bin, Chinese man say ok I wheelie been masturbating.

2007-01-20 01:48:48 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I were u I will say I'll give u a treat every weekend.{Only funny,stupid,idiotic ans}Bit mad eh?

2007-01-20 01:43:56 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A passer-by saw a dozen gorgeus blondes whose heads were badly wounded, and one brunette that was in good condition. "What happened to them?" he asked. "Nothing really" she replied "except that I drew a line on the ground and challenged them if they could pass from under it!!!"

A blonde was thrown by a rock in her chest, she looked behind her to see who did it!"

A blonde visited her cousin; who was also a blonde. There she found her listening to an empty tape. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked her "Oh! I love it! It actually relaxes my nerves!" The blonde -feeling she had to do something in order to combat that stupid attitude of her cousin- asked her "Great! May I borrow it from you; as I really need relaxing my nerves too?" "Sure You can!" replied her cousin in a generous manner. The blonde took the tape and erased it!!!

Hearing that carrots were good for the eye-sight, a blonde stabbed two of them in her eyes!

2007-01-20 01:35:27 · 14 answers · asked by Mehmet Azk 2

Paddy goes on to a game show and the quiz master says if I gave you six rabbits today and three tomorrow how many will you have he sed ten the quiz master sed let me make it easier for you if I give you six chickens today and three tomorrow how many will you have he sed nine the quiz master sed so if I gave you six rabbits to day and three tomorrow how many will you have he sed ten and the quiz master sed why do you keep saying ten when I aks you about the rabbits paddy sed because ive got one at home. was that funny?

2007-01-20 01:31:49 · 10 answers · asked by philip k 1

MINE DOES PLEASE DONT SAY UR NAME JUST SAY IF IT BEGINS WITH L

2007-01-20 01:23:14 · 24 answers · asked by Play girl $ 2

child-mummy mummy, are little birds made out of metal?
mum- of course not dear, why do you think that?
child- well daddy just said he'd like to screw the bird next door!

2007-01-20 01:16:37 · 11 answers · asked by thebluehaze 3

doc- what seems to be the problem?
man- i have 5 penises
doc-how do your trousers fit you?
man -like a glove

2007-01-20 01:12:24 · 13 answers · asked by thebluehaze 3

a pegnant woman is at the hospital for a check up.
will the dad be present at the birth? the midwife asks.
no the woman says , he doent get on with my husband.

2007-01-20 01:08:10 · 16 answers · asked by thebluehaze 3

a tight jersey

2007-01-20 01:05:41 · 10 answers · asked by thebluehaze 3

the other day isent my wife a huge pile of snow
i rang her up and said'dya get my drift'

i went to the supermarket and said'this vinegar has lumps in it''assistant said''cos they are pickled onions'

i went to the gym and asked'can you teach me to do the splits''man says ''how flexible are you''i said'well i can make tuesdays and thursdays''

i was having dinner with a chess champ.the tablecloth was checkered.it took him 2 hours to pass the salt

i met a duch girl who wore inflatable shoes.i phoned her to make a date but she had popped her clogs.

i was in the pub and said to my mate''do you want a game of darts''he said''ok nearest the bull starts''he said''BAA'' i said 'MOO' he said ok your nearest.

2007-01-20 01:00:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-20 00:49:19 · 19 answers · asked by JUSS 4

2007-01-20 00:44:33 · 8 answers · asked by lenamarie 1

How much do Buzz Lightyear Astronaut costumes cost to buy or hire?
Would I think that Sir Isaac Newton was a phoney?
Would I still be heavier than Victoria Uglyfcuk Beckham?

2007-01-20 00:17:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a womans arsehole have in common? You know it's wrong, but sooner or later you're going to touch it with your tongue!

2007-01-19 23:59:05 · 13 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

More than or less than to change a light bulb ?

2007-01-19 23:52:00 · 7 answers · asked by David S 2

Old woman goes into her local supermarket where a young girls is serving at the counter, and say's "Can I have 36 tins of cat food please"

The girls reply's " You must have a lot of cats"

To which the old woman says "Oh no,there for my husbands sandwiches, I use the cat food as a paste for the bread"

The girls reply's " That will kill him madam!"

"Oh no, its okay I read it in a book" Said the old woman.

So off she goes with her cat food only to return one week later, where the same young girl was serving again.

The girl asks "How may tins of cat food today"

"None, my husbands dead" said the old woman.

The girl is stunned and say's "I told you that you would kill him feeding him that stuff"

The old lady said " He did not die from that"

"What was the cause of death then" asked the girl

And the old lady replied "Oh, he broke his neck when trying to lick his backside"

2007-01-19 23:20:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous