Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

two irishmen came to england looking for work
they go to the job centre
they see ajob advertised

tree fellers wanted



one said to the other
shame theres only two of us

2006-12-11 04:02:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 03:59:27 · 6 answers · asked by tuffty 1

do you know what it is?

2006-12-11 03:50:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lee goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor,
you've got to help me. My wife is unfaithful
to me. Every Friday night, she goes to O'Malley's
bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps
with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the doctor, "take a deep breath
and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is
O'Malley's bar?"

2006-12-11 03:48:41 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle.
They head to the bird section and Gerry says >to Paddy,
"Dat's dem."
The owner >comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll >take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up
dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into
Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
"Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder
and
jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the
way to
the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his
head
and says,
Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

>>> >> >THERE'S MORE...

Moments later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in theother.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then
throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, >Seamus takes the gun and shoots
the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down
and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in hisbody.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting either!"

>>> >> >IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when
Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is >carrying a cardboard box out
of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its >legs and hurls himself off
the
cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and
breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting…
and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!"

2006-12-11 03:45:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

well i only ask cuz well it wouldnt mater what i got her she would like it, but i dont want to get her just anything this year.
shes very athletic smart funny very spontanious and she get pretty excited over a lot of thing so if that helps and well maybe u can help me

2006-12-11 03:42:54 · 4 answers · asked by David T 1

A man goes up to a girl in a bar and asks her name.

She replies: 'Carmen. I like cars and I like men. Whats yours?'

He thinks for a bit: 'Beercu-t'

2006-12-11 03:41:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 03:35:38 · 2 answers · asked by tuffty 1

3 guys rent 1 room for the night for $30. Each put in $10. The desk man relizes that he made a mistake and that it is only $ 25, so he sends the bell hop up w/ $5. He gives a dollar to each guy and keeps $ 2 for himself---where did the other dollar go?

2006-12-11 03:35:06 · 9 answers · asked by biznitchil 4

1 yr.The preacher consulted w/ the couples & told them "If u want to join our church, we would like to evaluate how much u r willing to sacrifice.So, we would like for u to abstain from sex for 60 days." The couples were shocked but really wanted to join, so they agreed to give it a try.60 days later the preacher met w/ the 3 couples...he first asked the couple married 10 yrs how they did...the husband replied,"No problem." "Good, u may join our church."Then he asked the couple married 5 yrs,"Well, it was tough a couple of times...but we made it." "Good, u may join our church." Then he asked the couple married 1 yr, the husband said,"Well, preacher, we were doing ok until 1 day about 2 wks ago my wife dropped a head of lettuce and bent over to pick it up, she looked so hot, I took her then and there, I couldn't help myself." The preacher replied "well, u know this means u aren't allowed in our church anymore." "That's ok," said the husband, "we aren't allowed in Walmart, either."

2006-12-11 03:30:50 · 11 answers · asked by Lisa Bee 3

If you're driving in a brick car on a Friday and your steering wheel falls off, how many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse?

5, because B comes after A! Hahahahaha!

2006-12-11 03:13:32 · 11 answers · asked by jomama 1

2006-12-11 03:08:24 · 3 answers · asked by tuffty 1

whats the difference between

LIGHT

AND

HARD



































ANSWER


You can sleep at night with the light on

2006-12-11 02:58:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

...how long would it take a monkey with a peg leg to pick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

2006-12-11 02:58:33 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

If the hair at your privates is pubic hair, is the hair on your head public hair?

2006-12-11 02:55:05 · 10 answers · asked by Barbara Doll to you 7

Paris Hilton goes up to a receptionist desk in a doctors office and demands to see the doctor.
"I'm sorry honey", says the receptionist, "but Dr. Wilkins can't see you. He's a pediatrition".
"I know he's a pe-di-a-trition!", snaps Paris, rolling her eyes, "That's why I need to see him! It burns when I pee!"

2006-12-11 02:53:50 · 27 answers · asked by Issheit? 1

which is the place in the human body which is surrounded by black hair & if u insert your finger it pains a lot???
think....................













its your Eyes
what did u think??

2006-12-11 02:45:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 02:45:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 02:45:15 · 15 answers · asked by deepak57 7

well heres the deal my girl got me somthing for christmas and she says its a surprise and everyone knows what it is except me even my mom knows and well what r some things girls like to get guys

2006-12-11 02:39:27 · 24 answers · asked by David T 1

10:40am-yo, what's the best prank you can do in school? i trying the prank my ugly EX girl friend so i can make her go back to Mexico plz give me some pranks!!!

2006-12-11 02:39:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

blue or black...

2006-12-11 02:37:21 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 02:36:14 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-11 02:24:45 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

When he gets back there is a masked man waiting for him. Why

2006-12-11 02:22:30 · 10 answers · asked by BravoWon 3

2006-12-11 02:13:52 · 15 answers · asked by brandedchic 1

2006-12-11 02:10:49 · 8 answers · asked by louisburg_27549 1

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
On her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time
Milking a cow!

2006-12-11 02:05:57 · 11 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

There's a bowl of M&M's. All but four are
yellow. All but four are red. All but four
are green. How many M&M's are in the bowl?

2006-12-11 02:03:51 · 14 answers · asked by joegossum 4

The position of the dirt bag!




I know it's corny but I thought it was funny. Thanks.

2006-12-11 01:57:46 · 5 answers · asked by Enterrador 4