Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

2006-11-22 02:32:23 · 6 answers · asked by courtney b 3

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

2006-11-22 02:27:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-22 02:27:06 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

2006-11-22 02:25:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

number 1 funny joke

"one day a man called jim farted in a toilet and started smelling it he loved the smell so much he farted in bottled to save them up to smell befor dinner and fun events!"

number two 911 funny joke

"there was once a man called peter he farted so loud his face turnd blue , and his mom always gave him the best drink ever soda gas shake he loved the stuff but it put him in hospital from loud farts"

hahaha i love my jokes dont you?

2006-11-22 02:18:11 · 15 answers · asked by butter 1

oe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

2006-11-22 02:16:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo mama so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had a afro.
Or
You mama so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

2006-11-22 02:16:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

coffee, hot cocoa, tea or water...?

2006-11-22 02:09:29 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 men go ito the forest of cannibles the cannible cheif says ;you three must get 10 of the same fruits but each person = a difffrent fruit" and they all go in diffrent dirrections,the first man come up."know you must stick them up your butt without any expreshion"the first man gets out the three apples ,and after 2 she screams in pain and gets eaten.The senind man comes up with 10 berries "this wil be easy'he says to himself...but after 1,2,3,4,,5,6,7,8,he burst out in laughter and gets killed.the first to men meet in heaven when the first man says "why did you laugh you almost made it?" and the second man replies"i couldent help it i saw the 3rd guy coming with pineapple!!"

2006-11-22 02:03:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck....."

2006-11-22 02:03:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

LOVE......................when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST.......................when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE............when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE......................when intercourse is called making love.
LUST.......................all other times.
MARRIAGE............what's intercourse?

LOVE......................when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST.......................when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE............when you argue over money.

LOVE......................when you share everything you own.
LUST.......................when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE............when the bank owns everything.

LOVE......................when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST.......................when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE............what's a climax?

LOVE......................when you phone each other just to say "G'day".
LUST.......................when you phone each other just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE............when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE......................when you write poems about your partner.
LUST.......................when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE............when all you write is checks.

LOVE......................when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST.......................when you couldn't give a ****.
MARRIAGE............when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE......................when your farewell is "I love you darling ..."
LUST.......................when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE............when your farewell is silent.

LOVE......................when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST.......................when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE............when you never see each other awake.

LOVE......................when your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST.......................when your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE............when your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE......................when nobody else matters.
LUST.......................when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE............when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE......................when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST.......................when it's just the same mushy old ****.
MARRIAGE............when you never listen to music.

LOVE......................when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST.......................when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE............when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE......................when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST.......................when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE............when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

2006-11-22 02:00:59 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

answer

2006-11-22 01:58:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doctors to get some advice about my health. He said you need to do something everyday that leaves you slightly short of breath. So I took his advice and iv'e started smoking !!!!!!!!!

2006-11-22 01:34:41 · 18 answers · asked by Shredder 6

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.

2006-11-22 01:33:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them all a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try and catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exsist.

The FBI now goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten racoon. The racoon is yelling, "Okay, Okay!!! Im a rabbit, Im a rabbit!"

2006-11-22 01:23:11 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

2006-11-22 01:21:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."


The cowboy grabs the doc's arm, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"


So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas."


The man replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."


So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water. "Here," he says. "Take this pill."


"What is it?" asks the cowboy.


The doc replies, "Viagra."


The cowboy looks surprised. "Will that kill the pain?" he asks.


"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth."

2006-11-22 01:18:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A) All of the trees cut down to make U.S. dollars in one year or
B) All of the trains traveling through Grand Central Station in one year?

Hint: It's a trick question.

2006-11-22 01:16:48 · 26 answers · asked by Matt 5

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.

Then, they get to see where they're going to live. The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner, and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made, so he asks one of the angels in charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I'm just a lawyer and I'm getting the finest of everything?"

The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We've had lots of popes here, but you're the first lawyer we've ever had."

2006-11-22 01:08:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Most Embarrassing Moments


A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the most
embarrassing moment in listener's lives.
The top four were:
4th PLACE: "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other customers. I told her angrily to start behaving and she looked me in the eye and
told me in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will
tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's Willie last night."
After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter."


3rd PLACE: "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ringing down stairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'.
My entire family - parents, and all, as well as my friends, were standing
there. My girlfriend and I were frozen there on the spot in a state of
shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one
in my family has planned any surprise parties."


2nd PLACE: A lady picked several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price
tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out
across everyone to hear, "Price check for Tampax super-size."
Then it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', a guy, his voice booming over the same
public address system said, "Do you want the kind that you push in
with your thumb or the kind that you belt in with a hammer?"


1st PLACE: AND THE WINNER IS..... This happened at a major Australian
University. During a biology lecture a professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?"
The professor responded, "Yes, that's correct", adding some statistical data
to his lecture. The girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl
turned bright red and, as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently
said, she picked up her books and, without another word, walked out of the
class. As she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question.
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not at the back of your throat."

2006-11-22 01:06:27 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No ****
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - *****
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

2006-11-22 01:01:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The World's Greatest Cowboy (wgc) was captured by some Indians, who told him they would burn him at the stake at dawn. But because he was the wgc, they would give him a last request. The WGC said, let me talk to my horse.

So he whispers in the horse's ear, and the horse runs off, and returns in an hour with a beautiful redhead. He takes her into a teepee and makes love to her for a couple of hours. Finally she staggers out, gets on the horse, and rides away. An hour later the horse returns.

The Indian chief says "Now we know why you are called the WGC! That was a good horse trick, and we are good horsemen ourselves. We will give you another last request." So WGC asked to speak to the horse again.

The horse runs off, and returns in an hour with a naked, beautiful, to die for, knock you off your feet, blonde. WGC takes her into the teepee, and after 3 hours, she staggers out, and has to be helped onto the horse, which carries her away and returns in an hour.

The chief says "The tribe is impressed, not only by your horse, but by your stamina and ability! Now we are certain why you are called the WGC, and are a great and honored enemy. We honor you, but we must still kill you at dawn. But we will still give you one more last request."

The WGC, walks up to the horse, grabs it by the head, and giving it a shake, says, "Posse! I said go and get me a POSSE!"

2006-11-22 01:00:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, die and are at the Pearly Gates. St. Peters tells them that if they want to enter Heaven, they need to walk up stairs that have one hundred steps and that on each step, they'll be told a joke. If they laugh, they're immediately sent to Hell.

So the brunette goes and on the third step, she cracks up because of the joke.

Then the redhead goes and is able to control herself until the thirteenth step, but then cracks up too.

It is the blonde's turn. She goes up every step and listens to the jokes without laughing. St. Peters is amazed and decides to give her a boring joke for the last step to see what will happen. So she hears the joke and cracks up.

Before sending her to Hell, St. Peters asks her why she laughed at the very last step with a joke so boring and she simply answers, "Well, I just understood the joke from the first step!!!"

2006-11-22 00:54:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."

2006-11-22 00:51:19 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tips on love, from those who should know. All questions were answered by kids, ages 5-10.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."(Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."(Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."(Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)

"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8)

2006-11-22 00:46:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Stevie was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Stevie just said, "Oh, OK." and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds! -- and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"

2006-11-22 00:41:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

that I am an atheist and this is a joke before you answer. What did the chap who came to nail Jesus on the cross say? Can you cross your legs lad I've only got three nails !!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-22 00:39:21 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

There was a married couple and the woman was packing bags and the husband asked where she was going and she said, "I found out that I can go to Las Vegas to make $400 a night doing what I give you for free." The man said, "I'm coming with you." The woman asked why, and the man said, "I want to see how you're going to live on $800 a year.

2006-11-22 00:34:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

'Forwards never, Backwards never'???
Help?

2006-11-22 00:17:12 · 13 answers · asked by barbarita 2

2006-11-22 00:15:57 · 11 answers · asked by sportsinsect 1