Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

There was a sign in the window of a business that said, "HELP WANTED- Must be able to type, be computer literate and bi-lingual". So a dog sees the sign and goes in to apply. The man says,"Can you type?" and the dog proceeds to type 70 words per minute without a mistake. Then he asks,"Ok, but are you computer literate?" and the dog quickly writes a computer program that runs flawlessly. At this point the man says, "I'm very impressed but I can't hire you because you are not bi-lingual". The dog looks at him and says, "MEOWWWW".

2006-11-22 00:14:20 · 3 answers · asked by tumbleweed1954 6

A very small guy walks into a bar and finds himself standig next to a huge man. The huge man turns to him and says, "Hi, I'm 6'6", 345lbs, 22" penis, 3.5lb left testicle, 3.5 right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy immediately faints. When he comes around he is being helped to a chair by the big man who asks, "What's wrong with you man?" "I'm sorry, can you repeat what you said before?" "Sure, 6'6", 345lbs, 22" penis, 3.5lb left testicle, 3.5 right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy sighs with relief. "Oh, wow, I thought you said turn around "

2006-11-22 00:07:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

The teller seeing the giant jar she had lugged up to the counter and said "My, what a huge jar full of coins, did you horde this all yourself?"

The woman smiled and said "No, my sister whored half of it."

2006-11-22 00:04:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two old male dogs were in hot pursuit of a female dog, after 10 minutes of chasing, one said "ain't this a b**ch? the other one said" After all this running, it better be!"

2006-11-22 00:04:33 · 3 answers · asked by sluggo1947 4

and sits down next to a blonde. He turns to her and says "hey, can you grant me three wishes?"

"Sure, what'll it be?"

"I want a pint of beer that is never empty."

She waved her wand, and *poof* a pint of cold beer appeared on the bar. The woman grabbed it, downed it in one gulp and by the time she had placed it back on the bar it was full.

"So what's your next wish?"

"I'll take two more of these

2006-11-22 00:02:53 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is there a silent 'p' in bath?

2006-11-21 23:58:18 · 17 answers · asked by billtheangler 5

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

2006-11-21 23:57:39 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

For playing wom.

2006-11-21 23:50:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A zoo with no animals.

2006-11-21 23:45:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

One was assaulted.

2006-11-21 23:42:40 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-21 23:29:32 · 4 answers · asked by uches_day 1

Your answer sould be only one question for example: what is in the pond, is it a fish? is wrong coz there are two questions in one sentence

2006-11-21 23:17:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

i bet you dont because i'm the smartes on yahooooooooooo

2006-11-21 23:16:49 · 9 answers · asked by redster 2

If our butt is in the middle portion of the body then wy do we call it the "bottom"?

2006-11-21 23:11:11 · 4 answers · asked by Nits 1

(I hate those baby seals......... so cute and furry!)

2006-11-21 22:55:06 · 13 answers · asked by spens dad! 2

I have a Chicken, a fox and corn. I need to get all three across the river but can only take one at a time. I can not allow them to eat the other. How do I do it?

2006-11-21 22:54:36 · 11 answers · asked by Fugitive Peices 5

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt."

Now you can intellectually handle the situation.




Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.





Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc.


In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.



Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.


Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and

because her kids were living

With them she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.


Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.


Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.


The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.




So now if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family!

2006-11-21 22:43:40 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-21 22:38:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

what did the Irish mum say to the unmarried daughter who just announced she was pregnant?
Answer tomorrow.

2006-11-21 22:26:27 · 7 answers · asked by pasky 2

crossing a field when taffy sees a sheep with his head stuck in a fence , look at that boyoh taffy says to paddy , thats lovely that is , i'm going to give it one , so he serves the sheep , cor that was lovely he says , right paddy its your turn now , so paddy sticks his head in the fence !

2006-11-21 22:08:51 · 16 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

Is the glass half empty or half full?

2006-11-21 21:38:55 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

is working in the shop when a smart looking woman with a posh voice comes in. She says I would like an Aylesbury duck please, yes madam he says no problem. He gets a duck from the rack and puts it on the counter and the woman sticks her finger up it's a**e. She says that's not an Aylesbury, get me another one. Ok he says and puts another one on the counter, she does the same again and tells him that one is no good either. She tells him your not going to get far as a butcher if you can't tell one duck from another, and by the way where are you from?. He drops his pants and says you tell me your the bloody expert !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-21 20:57:51 · 11 answers · asked by Shredder 6

How do you wan to die, the King asked of Andrado, sentencing him to death.



Andrado considered and replied "of old age."

2006-11-21 20:33:22 · 10 answers · asked by blind_chameleon 5

Imagine any number.
Multiply with 9.
Make a total of 1 digit of ur answer like this; if it is 1249 then 1+2+4+9=16 then 1+6=7.
deduct 5 from it. Got a single digit. Right ?
Now, imagine a country's name like this. if ur answer is 1 then A for america or australia, if its 2 then B for Brazil, if its 3 then C for Canada .... and so on D for 4.. E for 5 .. F for 6.

So, Now u have got a Country's name. Ok.
Imagine an animal's name from the last letter of that contry's name. Like: if ur country is Brazil then Lion and if it is England then donkey or anyhting.

So, Now u also have an Animal's name.
Imagine a fruit's name from the last letter of that animal's name. Like if ur animal is a Cobra then Apple and so on...

So, Now you have 3 names. A country, An animal and A fruit.

Right ?

Do u know I know ur answers .... Really... Believe me... Scroll down----->>>>






























YOUR KANGAROO IS EATING ORANGES IN DENMARK !!!!!

2006-11-21 20:12:49 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous

with giving me a good put down line? Last night in the pub a bloke was getting on my nerves, when I said the pub was quiet he said it was because people heard that i was giong to be in. I told him I didn't mind it quiet because I liked my own company and told him so would you if you wern't such a T**T. Have you got a better one please?

2006-11-21 20:11:41 · 9 answers · asked by Shredder 6

An illegal Indian immigrant is caught by a cop in the US..
Cop sez: ok, if you use 3 words in a sentence, i'll let you go..the words are .. Green, Pink and Yellow...

The Indian scratches his head for a while and replies: ok..here goes..." You know the phone..it Green..Green..Green, then I Pink it up..and say "Yellow?"......

2006-11-21 19:54:43 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

of those, how many end with ceed?

2006-11-21 19:49:39 · 6 answers · asked by xxxabicusxxx 2

A turkey walked into a bar..HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2006-11-21 19:45:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

the gorgeous blonde said to her new boss , the boss said , they,r the same as your last job , is that ok with you , she said , yes , as long as i'v got a soft cushion to kneel on !

2006-11-21 19:30:21 · 12 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

An older gentleman and a young boy were hanging out together.
the boy inquired ,"How much is life ".
the old gent answered ," My boy ,life is a quarter".
after a little bit the boy responded back,"hey but I only have a nickel".
At that the gentleman turned and said ," well, that's life!".

2006-11-21 19:24:12 · 6 answers · asked by dogpatch USA 7