Has anyone got a good joke to tell?

Answer 1

Tarzan is growing up in an African tribe. One day the chief's wife has a white baby. So the chief walks over to Tarzan, puts his hand on his shoulder and starts, 'Tarzan, you being the only white man in our tribe makes it pretty obvious who's kid that really is...' Tarzan quickly interrupts him. He points to the field where there are a number of sheep grazing and he says, 'No chief, it's not what you think! If you look at the sheep you will notice that they are all white, but over there in the corner, you will notice that one sheep bending it's head down...see it? Well as you can see it's black. Now it's all natural, see what I'm saying?' At that moment the chief of the tribe bends closer to him and whispers in his ear,'Ok ok, if you keep quiet about the sheep, I'll keep quiet about the baby!' Hahahohoheehee :)

A blind guy walks into a bar and sits down at the counter. He calls the bartender and asks him if he wants to hear a blonde joke. The bartender responds, "Firstly, I am blonde. The guy behind you to the right is blonde and he is carrying a double barrel shotgun, the woman bodybuilder sitting at the next table is blonde, and both the bouncers at the door are blonde....do you still want to tell me that blonde joke then?" To which the blind guy replies, 'No, none of you will get it!

A blind guy walks into a shop and starts swinging his guide dog around over his head by the leash. A woman walking past asks him what in the world he is doing to which he replies, 'I'm just looking around!'

Answer 2

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the
administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're
here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The
nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll
call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes
sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his
room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy
goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake
her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks
through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He
gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being
ignored and the Future is in deep ****."

Answer 3

MysteriousGirl, that is a good joke

Answer 4

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Answer 5

A little boy walks into his parents' room to
see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and
down. The mom sees her son and quickly
dismounts, worried about what her son has
seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks,
"What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has
a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top
of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door
comes over and gets on her knees and blows it
right back up.

Answer 6

kk here it goes =P

theres a turtle trying to cross the road but everytime he steps out a car drives past amost flattering him, the problem goes on... and on.... and on,
then one day the turtle walks along and sees a rabbit run across to the middle of the road, stop and lays down, then carries on.
the poor turtle shouts "WAIT! how u do that?", the rabbit then runs back.
The rabbit explains how he ran out, lines hisself in the middle of the cars lights and ducks, then ,oves along. The turtle says "alright i do it".
so the little turtle walks and and lines hisself up and ducks *SPLAT!* the rabbit says "those robin reliances are bastards"
lol =P

Answer 7

I have one and i hope it wont offend anybody..
Rose and Kitty are talking at the local coffee shop. Kitty: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date. I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."Rose: "Well . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner, a marvellous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... two times!"Kitty: "Goodness gracious! . so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Rose: "No, no, no . I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Answer 8

A guy comes home drunk from the pub and sees a turtle on his doorstep. Drunkely, he kicks it down the end of his garden.

Fifteen years later, there a knock at his door. He answers it and see the turtle, who says "What did you do THAT for?"

Answer 9

Nah, I'm rubbish at telling jokes!

Answer 10

Little Johnny goes to stay on his uncles farm.One morning his aunt tells him to feed the animals but little Johnny is in a bad mood and he kicks at the chickens when he scatters their corn.He kicks the cow when he gives it its hay.And he kicks the pig when he fills it trough.
"I saw what you did," says his aunt when he comes inside."For kicking that chicken you'll get no eggs this morning.For kicking the cow you'll get no milk and for kicking the pig you'll get no bacon."
At that moment Uncle comes in and kicks the cat away from his chair.Little Johnny looks at his Aunt and says"Are you going to tell him or shall I."