Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A guy I knew gave another guy I knew a wedgie. The undies were so old they fell apart and came off in the guy's hand. Bwahaha!

2006-11-13 14:26:26 · 32 answers · asked by The Mad Shillelagh 6

The Poopie List


Ghost Poopie

The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie

The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie

The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie

The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie

The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie

The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie

The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunge

2006-11-13 14:25:28 · 6 answers · asked by Ariana 2

how many smarties are in a packet?

2006-11-13 14:20:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The What Do You Do Retard.

2006-11-13 14:19:46 · 27 answers · asked by burrgump 3

i go 2 the fair yearly
i no all the ticket workers but i c them only 1nce a year wihich is at the fair
i wont lie i got heavier and my friends say it and stuff but im accepting it
i went to the fair and you have to be 5' to ride the coaster i made it and the guy ddint no it was me and said i could lay on my back and have my stomach have me as tall as i need to be
i asked for 3 funnell cakes they go sorry cant give to it people with heart coditions but i got it
lastly they have the wiegh in thing and the guys geuss and he guessed me to weigh 574 i weigh 345
what is happening to me and everybody

2006-11-13 14:15:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two Muslim best friends, Two Asian brothers, and Two Black women are all on a plane together, among other teams of 2. Then it's a commerical break. After the commerical break, a New Zealander comes on and says "I'm Phil Keoghan and this is The Amazing Race!"

rate my joke.

2006-11-13 14:03:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-13 14:02:36 · 6 answers · asked by lele08bg 1

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten"

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back, so lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain the torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian."

2006-11-13 13:52:59 · 16 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

Choose a 3 letter word, lets see who can be first to choose the same 3 letter word i chose.
Please choose 1 word only, as the first word you choose will count.

and, bet, cat, dog, end, fit, got, hid, ill, jet, kin, let, mom, not, orc, pop, que, run, sit, top, use, vat, wit, xen, yap, zap.

2006-11-13 13:46:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Oak and hazel are my aunts,
though I am not their kin.
My cousin grows in pod on vine;
I often have a twin.
My shape is like the sands of time
contained within a glass.
I have no legs, instead a shell;
I dwell beneath the grass.

2006-11-13 13:45:50 · 13 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

MICHAEL: Can I ask you a question?
JAN: No.
MICHAEL: This is a business question. It's nothing personal. I promise.
JAN: Fine.
MICHAEL: Are you wearing new perfume today?
JAN: How is that a business question?
MICHAEL: Well, you're wearing it at the office. And, [sniffs around Jan] it's-- I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy.
JAN: Please don't smell me, Michael.

Tell me yours

2006-11-13 13:33:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-13 13:29:32 · 16 answers · asked by Twig 1

I have leaves, but no stem or roots. What am I?

This is the riddle I was given, and I don't know the answers. But do any of you?

2006-11-13 13:28:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Anyone know the answer to this cheesy joke?

2006-11-13 13:25:19 · 11 answers · asked by YourRoomate 2

Warning: Preschoolers get at least 2 of these right, adults almost ALWAYS get them Wrong.

1. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

2. How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

3. There is an animal meeting, which animal does NOT go?

4. How do you cross an alligator-filled river?

2006-11-13 13:24:37 · 19 answers · asked by Big Boss the Philosopher 6

Can I borrow your face my butt went on vacation?

2006-11-13 13:08:12 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

hey gyus wahts up? Tihs is pertty cool i geuss .wree you aawre taht you can slepl wrods aynawy you wnat if you mkae the frsit lteter and the lsat lteter in teihr crorcet sopts bceause you olny raed the frist and lsat lteret in a wrod....

Now... what did i say???

2006-11-13 12:38:05 · 12 answers · asked by encantame. 5

which word doesnt belong and why
Oriole
Orange
Month
Oil

and no its not because month starts with an m

2006-11-13 12:06:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-13 12:04:49 · 20 answers · asked by henry z 2

2006-11-13 11:54:25 · 18 answers · asked by jellyswiss 2

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. [just a joke animal lovers, i <3 animals too]

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble

2006-11-13 11:26:31 · 4 answers · asked by Shorty 4

I wear underwear which fits me well. It's not too loose, but in the back by my butt it's WAY saggy. It always get bunched up and such.

I've tried numerous types, and this always happens. What can I do?

Commando - Not an option. It feels weird.

I'm a GUY, so no girly stuff.

And I don't go underwear shopping for myself, since I"m only in Jr. High and that'd be weird. Anything I can do to 'fix' my current ones. I won't ask my mum about this sorta stuff, its weird.

2006-11-13 11:16:17 · 13 answers · asked by Andy 1

my flight was being served by an obviously gay fight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up that would be super"
On his trip back up the aisle he noticed this well dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but i asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us to the ground".
She calmly turned her head and said" In my Country I am called a Princess and i take orders from no one",
To which the flight attendant replied without mising a beat "well sweet-cheeks in my Country i am called a queen so i outrank you"" Tray Up Bit.ch."...

2006-11-13 11:15:04 · 24 answers · asked by chris w. 7

http://badjojo.com/html/space/game1.html

2006-11-13 11:04:36 · 16 answers · asked by Shea Butta 3

why dosent the guy from lucky charms want the kids to have his cereal

2006-11-13 10:58:11 · 8 answers · asked by Gaby 5

when the McCartneys, with their marriage problems and impending divorce, just seem to get ridiculed and have jokes made about heather mills and her false leg...Its time they were left alone
I think its prosthetic

2006-11-13 10:57:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The other night i was invited out for a night with the girls.I told my husband i would be home by midnight, " I promise" Well the hours passed and the Margaritas went down far too easy. Well around 3 am a bit loaded i headed for home. Just as i got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realising my husband would probably wake up i cuckooed another 9 times, i was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution ( even when totally smashed) in order to escape a conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time i got in and i told him "midnight"
He didn't seem pi.ssed off at all. whew got away with that one
Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock"
When i asked him why he said" Well last night our clock cuckooed 3 times then said "oh shi.t" cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

2006-11-13 10:51:04 · 29 answers · asked by chris w. 7

I need some good Yo Momma jokes.

2006-11-13 10:39:27 · 13 answers · asked by Jesus C 1

What is your favorites joke/line??

2006-11-13 10:38:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-13 10:37:14 · 5 answers · asked by Plaasseun 1