Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-13 10:35:11 · 4 answers · asked by Katie 1

What can you put in a glass that you cant take out?

Please explain your answer.

2006-11-13 10:33:36 · 10 answers · asked by Ali 3

its an item......FIRST: the person who buys it doesnt need it SECOND: the person who uses it doesnt know it THIRD: the person who needs it doesnt want it.....WHAT IS IT????

2006-11-13 10:32:25 · 12 answers · asked by billyv 2

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts went up it's ***,
And turned it's wool to nylon.

2006-11-13 10:25:23 · 23 answers · asked by angelswings 3

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

2006-11-13 10:22:59 · 13 answers · asked by the_sac_kings_r_number_1 1

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

2006-11-13 10:17:28 · 11 answers · asked by the_sac_kings_r_number_1 1

tinker walks into job centre and says he's desperate for work. the assistant replies that luckily he has just one job available, chauffeur for a multi millionaire, to look after his twin nympho daughters on oversea's trips with a salary of 200k a year. tinker say, ur bullsh*ting me. assistant says, well u fu*king started it!

2006-11-13 10:14:32 · 14 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

and you get 3 flat tires, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house roof?
I'll post the answer later tonight . . .

2006-11-13 10:09:16 · 4 answers · asked by Fenway♥George 5

A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your as*hole is for."

2006-11-13 10:07:03 · 7 answers · asked by the_sac_kings_r_number_1 1

Ive heard a million "racial" jokes (that are funny, by the way), but Ive never heard any White jokes. Anyone have anything?

Im white and impossible to offend (unlike most of the other whiney people who cant take a jab). No matter what you say I wont report you, and if somone else reports you I'll fight in your defense!

Fire away!!!

2006-11-13 10:06:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods,
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt
anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people
in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grandchildren.


Love, your son, John.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on my desk.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

2006-11-13 10:01:38 · 28 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

Mary had a little sheep
She took it to bed one night to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb.

2006-11-13 09:54:00 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

If so, please explain.

2006-11-13 09:50:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I said , giisa baga chips pal , he said , i'm sorry sir but you wont get served in here talking like that , i said , what ! , he said , let's change places and i'l show you how to ask properly , so i went behind the counter and he walked up and said , excuse me young man , may i have a bag of chips please , i said , fcuk off ! you would'nt serve me just now !!

2006-11-13 09:49:15 · 14 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

Elvis..

2006-11-13 09:49:12 · 11 answers · asked by Twinkle *little fairy* 2

Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation

2006-11-13 09:46:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

to get to the other side!!!!!!!! I am trying to imitate that girls jokes!P for Patty!!! HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-13 09:46:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

...........wearing only clingfilm (shrinkwrap to you Americans) and the doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

2006-11-13 09:45:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************************************************
Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations throughout the class

************************************************************************************
The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be possible)

************************************************************************************
Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm
Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

************************************************************************************
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

2006-11-13 09:44:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ziete calamano juju veldez caldera vulcan poras maeinos? heru dun yet col zen theretic? Fur mon valdez coro caldera chinook? Kooli mon dinlos cor amos...

2006-11-13 09:40:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

From the beggining to Eternity,
and the end of time and space.
From the beggining of the end,
and the end of every place?

What am I?

2006-11-13 09:29:59 · 10 answers · asked by abcgal01 2

once me megan and allie were at out back steakhouse.. adn we were atching a foot ball game.. one team got a touchdown.. so im like kool they just got a touchdown.. and so like 5 seconds later it looks like the same team got another touchdown.. so...

ME: hey look! they got ANOTHER touchdown!
ALLIE: abby! that wasnt a touchdown. it was a replay!!

2006-11-13 09:26:44 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!

2006-11-13 09:25:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

the customer asks "for this fifteen dollar bill?" "Sure" says the clerk "Here are 5 threes."

2006-11-13 09:22:31 · 6 answers · asked by Everyman 3

LIFE ISNT A GARDEN? SO STOP BEING A HOE!

2006-11-13 09:20:37 · 14 answers · asked by madmarie35 3

the best 1 get the p.

2006-11-13 09:18:15 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road?_______________________.

Funniest and most unique answer wins.

2006-11-13 09:09:45 · 46 answers · asked by eeyoree rocks2003 7

2006-11-13 09:07:33 · 22 answers · asked by rusty red 4

TEN PONTS!
REALLY GOOD ONE!! THANKS!

2006-11-13 09:04:53 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

not as good as girlfriends? A vampire only sucks your neck.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-13 08:59:48 · 11 answers · asked by Shredder 6