what was the funniest joke uve ever heard?

Answer 1

Christmas Cookie Dough

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.
''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''
"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''
"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

OR THIS ONE!!!

Yankee Doodle Handy

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-riding on his mother
Every time he hit a bump
He had another brother!

Answer 2

nice

someone did a reasearch to find the most funny joke(actually its the most funny joke foud around the world, the one that most people from everywhere liked) and came up with

two men were hunting in the woods when all the sudden one of the drops on the ground with his mouth foaming

so the other guy wips out his cell and calls 911
the operator asks him "whats your emergency"
the guy replies" well me friend just dropped to the ground with his eyes rolled back and foaming at the mouth, i think he is dead,what do i do?"
the operator says " ok first lets make sure he's dead"
.....moment of silence...then a gunshot is herd...
the guy comes back on the line " ok, now what"


lol

Answer 3

These two Mexicans, Jose and Rico, are driving down a road when they spot an American tourist up ahead walking on the side of it.

Rico says, "Hey, Jose, why don't you give that gringo a scare and pretend like you're going to run him down?"

Jose says "Okay" and starts to go faster and swerves his car to the side. The American sees them at the last instant and jumps out of the way into a huge mud puddle, and yells at them as they rush past him.

Rico turns to Jose and says, "Hey, Jose, that gringo, I think he's from Florida."

"Why do you think that?", asks Jose.

"Well", replies Rico, "when we passed him by he said something about 'sunny beaches'."

Answer 4

The Three Worst Chinese Tortures

Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where to stay, no
food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard brushing the floor answered the loud, clanging gong. Harry begged for a place of shelter, and the old man pittied him and let him stay. At dinner the old man introduced Harry to his daughter, Naomi(i moan backwards). She was the meaning of beauty, and Harry instantly fell for her - mostly because he hadn't done it in a while, due to his disposition of starving and homeless in a forest.

- ANYWAY - The old man saw Harry eyeing his daughter and said to him, "If you touch my daughter, I will subject to you the three worst Chinese tortures."


That night Harry snuck out of his room and into Naomi's. Having been cooped up in this old mansion for so long, she had no objections.


In the morning he woke up, and after 10 minutes decided that something heavy was on his chest stopping him from breathing properly. He opened his eyes to find a 50 kilo rock on his chest with sign on it that said "First Chinese Torture: 50 kilo rock on chest." Thinking that it wasn't that heavy he picked it up and threw it out the window. As the rock fell out the window he noticed a sign on the bottom that said "Second Chinese Torture: Rock tied to right testicle." In a panic he jumped out the window, what man wouldn't? Unfortunately he looked up and saw the sign on the bottom of the window sill "Third Chinese Torture: left testicle tied to bed post."

Answer 5

just kind of real life fun:

Since flu season is just around the corner I thought that I would pass this on ........

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose

of fruits and veggies.



Take your vitamins and

bump up your vitamin C.


Get plenty of exercise

because exercise helps build
our immune system.


Walk for at least an hour a day,


go for a swim,


take the stairs instead

of the elevator, etc.


Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them, keep a
bottle of antibacterial stuff around.


Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors and windows

whenever possible.


Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.


Get plenty of rest.

OR



Take the doctor's approach.

Think about it...

When you go for a shot,

what do they do first?

They Clean your arm with alcohol...

Why?

Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So..

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)


The way I see it...


If you keep your alcohol levels up,

flu germs can't get you!


My grandmother always said,

"A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ***!"