Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

I want to hear the dumbest one line jokes that you have.

2006-10-25 04:26:41 · 13 answers · asked by newcreaturem 2

2006-10-25 04:25:54 · 19 answers · asked by ♥Tallulah♥ 4

I know it's not a question, but here goes...

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."

2006-10-25 04:23:31 · 9 answers · asked by chanda 3

Ready?.....











Here it comes.....








Get ready it's a good one.....











Someone is going to lose a trailer!

2006-10-25 04:18:22 · 9 answers · asked by chanda 3

Click on this page

http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm

Look at the pic, you'll see a room, there's something not quite right with it.

1st to come back with the answer gets 10 points.

Hint: concentrate on the centre of the room, it might take you a minute to get it

I love this puzzle and you'll know why once you'ved sussed the answer

2006-10-25 04:13:24 · 26 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

3. What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.

4. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.

5. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.

6. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

7. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

8. What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.

9. What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

10. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

2006-10-25 04:04:18 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

q. how do u remember your wifes birthday?a.forget it once

2006-10-25 04:02:12 · 15 answers · asked by wayne l 2

Basic arithmetic was my best & favorite elementary school subject. That is why my Username is Math_Maestro.

2006-10-25 04:01:10 · 2 answers · asked by Math_Maestro 7

2006-10-25 03:56:04 · 21 answers · asked by Mizz Julie 3

charlie chromedome went for a walk without an umbrella.he did no wear a hat and he did not take refuge under a shelter;yet,not one hair on his head got wet.how is this possible?

2006-10-25 03:55:31 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man went to a zoo but all it had was a dog.

It was a Shitzu

2006-10-25 03:53:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-25 03:47:40 · 13 answers · asked by jake_cocktail 1

"Mummy, tomorrow I have an oral exam. One question the teacher will ask me is "who made you?""" What shall I say?" asked Little Johnny.
"Say God made you!" replied his mother.
The next day, when the question came up, poor Johnny forgot what his mother had said, so he explained,
"Teacher, until yesterday, I was sure it was my father who made me. But then my mother said it was someone else and I can't remember who he was."
***************
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"said father
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fu*king difference?"said father
"That's exactly what I said!"

2006-10-25 03:46:49 · 8 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-10-25 03:46:48 · 7 answers · asked by jake_cocktail 1

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.
You can take it orally, or as a suppository....it's up to you."

2006-10-25 03:41:39 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Way Children See Things!

NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!



HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the
toilet a few da ys ago.



OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."



KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."



MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, ! ! ! "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"



ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth
fairy will never believe this!"



DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning."



SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"


BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What ! he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear

2006-10-25 03:24:29 · 10 answers · asked by hlpz76 4

they're worried it might fall and collapse on them.

2006-10-25 03:17:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

QUESTION: "What did Tarzan gain,
when he met Jane?"
ANSWER: "A wild wife,
in wildlife!"

2006-10-25 03:15:36 · 5 answers · asked by Math_Maestro 7

>
>
>
The bloke who finished 1st and 3rd in a wanking contest.

2006-10-25 03:10:29 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well, it is that time of year again, and I am being asked to put togethere the proverbeal Christmas Wish list from my mothere in law. She has a wild sense of humor, and normally, I am able to come up with anything to make her laugh. I have looked the net over and over for days to find a very fake, very creative, and very funny christmas list for myself(nurse) and husband( US Active Marine).
I get tired of being asked to make one each year, so I thought I would send a funny one, but I have a blank mind, and no resources on the net to find any....
I want SEVERAL, and by SEVERAL, I mean at least 20, each. I know thats a lot, so do not attempt it if its too much for you.
SHe is a pastor, she lives in MD, and had 4 kids....
Thinking caps on!! MINE MUST BE LOST!!!
Thanks to anyone who is helping me!!!

2006-10-25 03:09:32 · 2 answers · asked by Oorah Wife 3

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. when he gets there he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling & flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans.. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.
The man answers, Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, & watch the game.
The leper sits down and adds, As you can see, I have leprosy. If
it disturbs you, I will move. It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, & watch the game.
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits.
Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.
Seeing this, the leper gets up & says, Thank you for allowing
me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused
you to get sick. I will find another place to sit. It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up & watch the game. So the leper sits back down.

2006-10-25 02:57:06 · 20 answers · asked by get_unlost 4

Once upon a time there was a dad and 3 kids. When the kids were adults, the dad was old and Death came to take the dad. The first son, who became a lawyer, begged Death to let the dad live a few more years. Death agreed. When Death came back, the second son, who became a doctor begged Death to let his father live a few more days. Death agreed. When Death came back the third son, who became a priest begged Death to let the dad live till that candle wick burned out and he pointed to a candle. Death agreed. The Third son knew Death wouldn't come back and he didn't. Why not?

2006-10-25 02:52:37 · 17 answers · asked by Lilel 4

2006-10-25 02:51:19 · 20 answers · asked by hazydaze 5

>
>
>
Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

2006-10-25 02:51:10 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Some dorks from my course being idiots...funny stuff.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HKaISvfUFOE

2006-10-25 02:47:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

First lady: "I've decided to stop worrying about my failed love life, Im going to go trick-or-treating instead".
Second lady: "Whys that?"
First lady: " Im guaranteed to get something in the sack.

By the way these jokes were of my children and I said I'd tell you lot!!

2006-10-25 02:42:40 · 10 answers · asked by Lisa P 5

At college i used to have a double lesson every afternoon, i'd have one hour then a 15 minute break then another hour. Everyone was present for the first hour and after returnung from break my mate Matt wasn't there. the teacher asked where he was and i said i'd just seen him... any way 15 mins later he strolls in and says 'sorry i'm late sir i missed the bus' the teacher replied 'well, i haven't heard that one before' and carried on with the lesson! BRILLIANT.FACT!

2006-10-25 02:30:09 · 19 answers · asked by carlaroberts18 3

2006-10-25 02:27:38 · 14 answers · asked by sweet & bitter 2

.....and he's asked to put the word "contagious" into a sentence. "That's easy" says Paddy, "I asked my mate to dig a hole, and it took the contagious!".

Nothing against the Irish. I lLOVE the Irish!

2006-10-25 02:27:27 · 21 answers · asked by long_luscious_lashes 3

2006-10-25 02:21:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous