2006-10-25 03:56:04 · 21 answers · asked by Mizz Julie 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
When is a tractor magic?
When it turns into a field.
Did you hear about the Scarecrow that got a lifetime achievement award? Apparently he was out-standing in his field.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's orange and sounds like a Parrot?
A Carrot.
If no man is an island, how do you explain the Isle of Mann?
Is Johnny Cash spare change for the condom machine?
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 ate 9.
Why did the beach blush?
Because the sea weed!
What do you call a Stag with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a stag with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
how do you get two whales in a mini?
Straight up the M4.
2006-10-25 08:57:54 · answer #1 · answered by mAdhAttEr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
2. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of ****?
A: The bucket.
3. Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
4. Pupil: “Is sexual exhaustion can be an excuse for not doing this week’s assignment?”
Teacher: “No, you’ll just have to write with your other hand!”.
5. Q. If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first?
A. The dog. at least he would shut up once he is in.
2006-10-25 11:02:04 · answer #2 · answered by Electric 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My friend is 6 months pregnant. She said, 'would you like to feel the baby?'. In retrospect, I think she meant from the outside!"
"I'm a modern man. I don't mind going to buy tampons. But APPARENTLY, they're not a 'real' present. She's so picky, my mum sometimes."
"I know as men get older they have difficulties having sex. But I don't think it's down to poor circulation or hormonal deficiencies. I think it's just that old women are so very ugly."
"My friend was boasting that, after a fifteen month 'sex drought' he bedded TWO women last month. I said, 'they're like buses.' He said, 'yeah, I know what you mean- none for ages and then two come along at once.' I said, 'no! THEY are LIKE BUSES!'"
Bad news, but apparently the National Asthmatics Telephone Helpline was forced to close down. Too many obscene phone calls.
2006-10-25 11:01:43 · answer #3 · answered by Sitting Still 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Man goes into the butchers and says "I bet you £500 you can't reach the meat on the top shelf". No way the butcher replies "The stakes are too high"
Is that a taxi I hear?
2006-10-25 12:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by Rattler M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
2006-10-25 11:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q. How do you make Winnie the Pooh mad?
A. Stick 2 fingers in his honey.
2006-10-25 10:58:54 · answer #6 · answered by STONE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the police?
A small medium at large!
2006-10-25 11:35:54 · answer #7 · answered by P!ss Ant 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dog walks into a bar, jumps up on a stool & looks the barman in the eye.
he says, "I want a pint of lager and ...
... er ...
... and a packet of crisps"
The barmans asks, "Why the long pause?"
.
2006-10-25 11:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by echo c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two cows in a field, one says 'moo'
The other says 'i was gonna say that'
Two cows in a field, one says 'what do you think about mad cow disease'
The other says 'doesnt affect me, im a helicopter'
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick!
2006-10-25 10:58:20 · answer #9 · answered by Simon H 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
What's twelve inches long and hangs in front of an a-s?
Tony Blair's tie.
2006-10-25 11:27:41 · answer #10 · answered by the gunners 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋