Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

this poem or prose talks about how one can become a Virginian by other means then birth or marriage.

2006-09-22 04:57:01 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 04:56:16 · 4 answers · asked by Barbara G 1

whats black and white and red all over?
what did the postman say to dagwood?
was fuzzy wuzzy really fuzzy? was he ?
how many fingers am i holding up?
how much wood would a wood chuck chuck?

2006-09-22 04:47:11 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-09-22 04:39:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

You have twelve coins, eleven identical and one different. You do not know whether the "odd" coin is lighter or heavier than the others. Someone gives you a balance and three chances to use it. The question is: How can you make just three weighings on the balance and find out not only which coin is the "odd" coin, but also whether it's heavier or lighter?

2006-09-22 04:34:57 · 4 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

You have undoubtedly heard of those mysterious islands where half the inhabitants always tell the truth and the other half always lie. Nobody seems to have actually visited one of these islands, but everyone knows of someone who has, someone who found himself at the fork in a road with a strange islander (who could be either a truth teller or a liar) and who was able to ask only one question to find the right path.
That's simple. So is the case where the islanders don't speak English and you have to interpret their response. It's even possible to find the right road if half of them are zombies or psycho killers and you are armed with one silly question.
I once found myself on an island that made those places look like "Romper Room." Picture, if you will, the Isle of Row, a one-acre forsaken swatch of desert in the middle of the Sea of Troubles. Despite its diminutive size, Row has no less than four kinds of people, all outwardly indistinguishable from one another. There are the members of the First Family, who always tell the truth, and the Pretenders, who never do. There are the Eccentrics, who may or may not tell the truth, depending on whim. Finally there are the Wimps, who are incapable of speaking unless they have heard one of the other kinds of people speak, and then they obsequiously chime in.
One day, as luck would have it, I found myself at the only crossroads on the island, facing four possible routes. Three Rowians stood by, milling about, and I had only two questions to ask in order to reach, as directly as possible, the fabled 100-foot Tower of Schmooze, the island's premier, albeit only, tourist attraction. What did I do?
Yours in pursuit of truth, Dr. Crypton.

2006-09-22 04:22:54 · 6 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's,so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:

"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

2006-09-22 04:18:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to

open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)

The bank president ! then asked her how much she would like to deposit.

She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around.

"Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again.

He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and ! then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

2006-09-22 04:16:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 04:02:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 04:00:14 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-22 03:58:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which would you rather be? A raccoon or a coon with a nice rack?

http://www.danvebber.com/museum/artifacts/raccoon.jpg

http://www.awcable.com/images/specials/lingerie_bowl/2005/traci_bingham.jpg

Which would you rather have? A Klondike bar or a dyke who passed the bar?

http://www.icecreamusa.com/klondike/images/klondike_03.jpg

http://lesbianmoney.com/images/mindylm.JPG

2006-09-22 03:49:41 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the pharmacist.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"


If you think this is funny make sure to see my other jokes!!!!!

2006-09-22 03:31:43 · 24 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

A man and a woman held a discussion about which of the sexes experienced the most pleasure during the love act. The guy argued it was the man, while the woman stated it was the female who got the most pleasure during sex.

"I have a question," said the woman.

"Suppose your inner ear itches; you scratch it with your little finger. The itch goes away, right?"

"Correct," answers the man.

"And where, may I ask," continues the woman, "do you exactly feel pleasure then -- at the finger or the inner ear?"

"The ear, of course," replies the man.

"There!" says the woman, triumphantly.


Check out my other jokes for a good laugh!

2006-09-22 03:29:00 · 14 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

YYURYYUBICURYY4ME

2006-09-22 03:28:17 · 9 answers · asked by my other screen name is royalty 2

can you read this? Yy u r Yy u b I c u Yy 4 me...

2006-09-22 03:27:54 · 5 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

Suppose you're taking a multiple-choice quiz. One question has three choices. Not knowing the answer, you randomly guess A. The instructor then announces that C is incorrect. Should you switch to B before turning in your paper?

2006-09-22 03:21:52 · 16 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

tfollow on from the sentance the most person who gets the furthest away from the topic will be getting the points

'the man said to his son wow what a lovley day it is today' his son replied ..........................


ohh and whats with these points there just points gosh!!!!!

2006-09-22 03:14:32 · 14 answers · asked by !!David!! 2

Keep this one growing. As one person answers, copy that, and give the next line.

A team of scientists made an announcement.
We have some good news. We have found intellegent life in outer space.
The bad news is the creature doesn't understand us.
The good news is, it has agreed to let us teach it English.
The bad news is we can't decide who should teach it.
The good news is, we have a lot of volunteers.
The bad news is ..

2006-09-22 03:09:50 · 8 answers · asked by upf_geelong 3

A man while looking at a photograph said, "Brothers and sisters have I none. That man's father is my father's son." Who was the person in the photograph?

2006-09-22 03:07:15 · 35 answers · asked by desrine_t 2

You stand at a fork in the road. Next to each of the two forks, there stands a guard. You know the following things: 1. One path leads to Paradise, the other to Death. From where you stand, you cannot distinguish between the two paths. Worse, once you start down a path, you cannot turn back. 2. One of the two guards always tells the truth. The other guard always lies. Unfortunately, it is impossible for you to distinguish between the two guards.
You have permission to ask one guard one question to ascertain which path leads to Paradise. Remember that you do not know which guard you're asking -- the truth-teller or the liar -- and that this single question determines whether you live or die. The question is: What one question asked of one guard guarantees that you are led onto the path to Paradise, regardless of which guard you happen to ask?

2006-09-22 03:06:29 · 5 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

10. The church bus has gun racks.

9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.

8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."

7. There's an ATM in the lobby.

6. Choir wears leather robes.

5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."

4. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.

3. Karaoke Worship Time.

2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"

1. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

2006-09-22 03:05:47 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

what did "Tomato1" named "Tomato2" when "Tomato2" got crushed under a big truck while crossing a highway?

2006-09-22 03:02:10 · 7 answers · asked by AgentWD40 1

it can be dirty aswel ;)

2006-09-22 02:57:17 · 5 answers · asked by AgentWD40 1

he who go to bed with itchy butt,
wake up with sticky finger's. smelly too.gross but lol?

2006-09-22 02:51:27 · 3 answers · asked by ? 4

If a boat has 7 rungs on its ladder and at low tide you can see all 7 rungs, each rung is 1 foot apart, the tide comes in at half a foot per hour, after 5 hours how many rungs on the boats ladder can you still see?

2006-09-22 02:45:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Squirrel poo. ha ha. if this makes 1 person laugh or smile its a job well done :)

2006-09-22 02:40:53 · 2 answers · asked by paulcartwheel 3

1. Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets tit bit

2. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.

3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.

4. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.

5. Passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.

6. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.

7.Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

8. Virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.

9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles *** all over town.

10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

11.Baseball all wrong-man with four balls can't walk.

12. Man who live in glass house,dress in basement.

13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

14. Man with penis in peanut butter is ******* nuts.

15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.

2006-09-22 02:27:18 · 8 answers · asked by Cool Z 5

whats brown, sometimes green, and wet all over?

2006-09-22 02:24:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

when you come up with an answer think again are they funny

2006-09-22 02:17:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous