Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way, santa DID WHAT?
Funniest gets 10.

2006-09-23 08:10:02 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Jack Horner sat in his corner eating his christmas pie, he put in his thumb and pulled out a WHAT?

The best and funniest idea will win the 10.

2006-09-23 08:06:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are two brothers. They are both guards. One is a guard that blocks the door to heaven and one is a guard that blocks the door to hell. The one that blocks the door to heaven always tells the truth. The one that blocks the door to hell always lies. Now, you want to go to heaven but you don't know which door goes where. You can only ask one question to learn which door goes where. Who would you ask and what would you ask him?

2006-09-23 08:00:27 · 25 answers · asked by S 2

clues every 5 mins....I can see us holdin hands , walking on the beach our toes in the sand, all i want you to do is be my love.....my love...my love.....

2006-09-23 07:51:52 · 12 answers · asked by sexy c 2

Why does the Avon lady walk with a limp?...Because her lips stick.lol

2006-09-23 07:50:01 · 22 answers · asked by CJBig 5

2006-09-23 07:41:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-23 07:41:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-23 07:40:42 · 11 answers · asked by moun_ster 2

2006-09-23 07:40:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-23 07:33:26 · 14 answers · asked by moun_ster 2

need a joke about chinese viagra.. urgently

2006-09-23 07:31:01 · 1 answers · asked by tom_gre2002 1

why do people thing im funny? in a way?

2006-09-23 07:24:37 · 3 answers · asked by JORDAN D 1

2006-09-23 07:19:57 · 14 answers · asked by Confused?! 4

My boyfreind's freind said that a blind man was walking down a street and smelled fish, sniffed, smiled, and said, " Why hello ladies" and he started crackin' up. Who think thats funny.

2006-09-23 07:14:39 · 22 answers · asked by lovely 3

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

2006-09-23 07:10:59 · 17 answers · asked by postypaul 3

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence? ...time to fix the fence!

Elephant can be replaced with the mother in law, etc too...

2006-09-23 07:07:07 · 15 answers · asked by snorkelman_37 5

2006-09-23 07:05:06 · 5 answers · asked by ? 2

Rate it! 1-10 And be honest! plz


There once was a place where everything was dark.
__________________________________________

There once was a place where everything was dark

All that you could hear is just a simple bark

The winds would blow strong
The stroms would last long

The people you knew where not there anymore

You coudn't sleep on a bed,
you would sleep on the floor

But i am not scared
for i don't have fear

if you'd see me crying
it'd be only with a tear

You won't find oceans fild with sharks
and you won't find fields fild with parks

You'll only find a place where everything is dark.

2006-09-23 06:59:00 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

a woman goes for a tatoo on her bum she says to the tatooist can i have laurel on one cheek hardy on the other .she goes home to her mates and shows her the tatoo and ask if she recognises them her mate says no but i no the one in the middle its jimmy hill

2006-09-23 06:58:15 · 18 answers · asked by darren v 2

Or that some one have done to avoid you?

2006-09-23 06:52:11 · 8 answers · asked by kettycat 2

Q: What's the diffrence between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A drug dealer can't clean his crack and re-sell it!

2006-09-23 06:35:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-23 06:32:16 · 16 answers · asked by jusme 1

please i need some really good blonde jokes, try to make them the ones that are long. if you can't then just any!
thanks

2006-09-23 06:30:10 · 10 answers · asked by buffychik1 3

Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.

Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room

Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.

Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the
factory?
A. Two test tickles

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep

2006-09-23 05:22:25 · 26 answers · asked by Dolce&Gabbana™ 3

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

2006-09-23 05:01:39 · 18 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Who here knows another name for pirate treasure?

2006-09-23 04:57:39 · 13 answers · asked by Gotohell 1

Dear Lord,

So far today, am I doing alright?

I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent.
I have not whined, complained, cursed or eaten any chocolate!! AND I have charged nothing on my credit card

But I will be getting out of bed in a minute and then I think that I will really need your help :-)

Amen.

2006-09-23 04:12:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please come up with a good answer for this there's gotta be one.

2006-09-23 04:12:08 · 9 answers · asked by Nick W 3

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

2006-09-23 04:11:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

ncvlkdshgsdhfldhfdvhdsfhdfhndj? Can anyone help me?

2006-09-23 04:04:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous