Rate it! 1-10 And be honest! plz
There once was a place where everything was dark.
__________________________________________
There once was a place where everything was dark
All that you could hear is just a simple bark
The winds would blow strong
The stroms would last long
The people you knew where not there anymore
You coudn't sleep on a bed,
you would sleep on the floor
But i am not scared
for i don't have fear
if you'd see me crying
it'd be only with a tear
You won't find oceans fild with sharks
and you won't find fields fild with parks
You'll only find a place where everything is dark.
2006-09-23 06:59:00 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
God! I was soooo not expecting that! You people expect an EXPERT! I was going for an easy Dr. Suse kinda poem! ):
But thanks for the "honesty". ):
2006-09-23 07:13:49 · update #1
8+
2006-09-23 07:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by BLW 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
5
2006-09-23 14:04:44 · answer #2 · answered by scottb62821 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
6
2006-09-23 14:01:36 · answer #3 · answered by Passionate 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
wow...... the only parts i didn't like were the first and second, you need better words instead of bark, make up a new line, but other than that it's great! okay why would you add the lines about the floor and the bed has nothing to do with the whole poem.
and the last two lines, same problem.
i give it a 4
2006-09-23 14:04:33 · answer #4 · answered by buffychik1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say a 5, you had a good idea with tying the end to the beginning, but it felt like a lot of the lines were constructed rather than felt. You see this a lot in music too, The author comes up with a great line or great beginning and then feels the need to complete it. so they have to come up with things, and these things don't neccessarily sound so good.
2006-09-23 14:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by neon49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you get a 1. the rhyme scheme is off, and overall the poem makes no sense at all; like why would i want to find an ocean filled with sharks? and fields are not filled with parks; and who cares about sleeping on a floor or a bed? so yes, quite honestly, this poem is horrible.
2006-09-23 14:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by veronica rae 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An absurdist commentary on postmodern epistemic uncertainty filtered through the Seussian poem-as-parable, your poem uses nonsense ("non-sense") to disrupt semiosis itself, both satirizing and developing the Lacanian rift between sign and signified. Indelibly sophisticated, keenly post-eloquent.
Rating: ONE BILLION.
2006-09-25 22:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not that good... sorry. however thats just my opinion. u dont have to listen to me.
but, here are some tips
-use more figurative language (similies, personification, sounds)
-try to make a connection with the reader(more dramatic, life relating)
have more things going on in the story
that was a good use of couplets though!
good luck!
2006-09-23 14:03:45 · answer #8 · answered by Dancerette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is some unfortunate spelling, but I will give it a 6, it is interesting to say the least.
2006-09-23 14:02:10 · answer #9 · answered by Ken Boldt 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U might as well not call it yours anymore because someone has probably taken it and used it as their own. U shouldn't broadcast ur work unless you offically own it. I think that it is good. I give it a 8
2006-09-23 14:03:31 · answer #10 · answered by cutie34lyfe 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋