Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Newfie Blondes?

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on
the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my
name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the
door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly,
"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down
the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up,
knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the
truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,
"Hi, my name is Joe, it's winter in Newfoundland and
I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!!!!

2006-09-23 04:04:03 · 12 answers · asked by babyblue 2

2006-09-23 03:59:09 · 5 answers · asked by mrmerc11 2

2006-09-23 03:58:15 · 5 answers · asked by mrmerc11 2

Four men have to cross a bridge.
It takes one man 1 minute to cross, one man 2 minutes, another 5 minutes, and the last 10 minutes. Two have to cross at the same time. But if 1 minute goes with 5 minutes it will take 5 mintues to cross. When two have crossed one has to come back., untill all have crossed. (You must add that time too) Get all four men across in 17 minutes.

2006-09-23 03:56:41 · 12 answers · asked by Smart_Guy 4

They both come on a young boys face

2006-09-23 03:24:27 · 2 answers · asked by ? 4

There are two fishermen in a boat, Steve and John, and the boat starts sinking. They can just about see shore from their sinking vessal.
Steve says, "Come on lets swim to shore"
John yells in panic, "No, I can't swim!"
Steve quickly resolves the situation by saying "You lie on my back and I'll swim."
Five hours later they get to shore and Steve collapses from exhaustion. "Oh God!" he gasps, "I'm f**ked!"
"Sorry mate," replies John, "but that's the only way I could hang on!"

2006-09-23 03:01:34 · 13 answers · asked by Pd 6

a man goes on holiday and leaves his 17 year old daughter at home but thre is three lads after herso he puts razor bladesin her fanny so when he comes back he lines the three boys up and goes to the first drop ypur trouses so he does and his willy is in shreds goes to the second drop yours and his willy is in shreds goes to the third drop yours so he does theres nothing wrong with his and he is smiling so her father asked him how come yours is;nt sliced he replys la la la la

2006-09-23 02:34:42 · 25 answers · asked by darren v 2

for a 11-14.plz

2006-09-23 02:12:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

when kevin keegan was manager at newcastle. he asked his assistant terrie mcdermot to go and have a look at this player he was going to sign. so mcdermot went to look at him .he saw him and told keegan he is not very good when he runs he is always out of breath so keegan said have another look at him .i;ve been told he is good so mcdermot takes another look at him and reports back to keegan he;s got worse out breath and collapsing on the floor. so keegan says i will go my self and have look so the two of them go .they get there and keegan turns round to mcdermot and saya you soft bugger i said rocastle not roycasle

2006-09-23 02:11:31 · 12 answers · asked by darren v 2

First one to get it right gets ten points!

I'll give you hints if you need them. . .

2006-09-23 02:09:07 · 11 answers · asked by emma 3

seller is not happy when buyer buys me.
buyer who bought me doesnt use me.
user who uses me doesnt know he is using me.
so wat am i?

2006-09-23 01:55:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a tramp walks in to a pup with his dog and fins the most beautifull girl in the pup and says to her i bet you 100 pounds my dog can make love to you the best you have ever had the girl says alright so they go back to his flat and go in his bedroom and he says to the dog make love to her the dog just stands there so he says go on make love to her and he still just stands there so the tramp says alright i'll show you one more time

2006-09-23 01:29:32 · 22 answers · asked by darren v 2

what do you call a man with a rain coat on mac what do you call a man wiyh two rain coats on maxs what do you call aman with two coats on standing by agrave yard max bygraves

2006-09-23 01:20:23 · 16 answers · asked by darren v 2

I'm so depressed... My Dr. refused to write me a prescription
for
> > Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
condemned
> > building.

DORMITORY,


When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN,
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER,
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION,

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT




THE EYES,
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH,
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE,
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES,
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY,
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS,
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


MOTHER-IN-LAW,
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


SNOOZE ALARMS,
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z'S


A DECIMAL POINT,

When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES,
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO,
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA :
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

2006-09-23 01:08:59 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored.
He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation,
turned to bartender and said, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress"
"Stop-I *don't* permit talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.
A few minutes later the gent tried again, "People say about the Pope,"
"No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in. "Look, how about sex.
Can I talk sex?"
"Sure." "Then **** you."

2006-09-23 00:42:53 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-23 00:02:30 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled,
''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied,''Well...
everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''

2006-09-23 00:00:10 · 9 answers · asked by Pd 6

Is one person from Portugal called a Portu-goose?

2006-09-22 23:49:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a house. There is one room downstairs, and one room upstairs and no windows in the house. Upstairs there is an electric light bulb in its fittng. Down stairs there is no light, but there are three light switches, one that turns the light on upstairs. When the light is on it doesn't reflect downstairs. You can only go upstairs once. Which light switch turns on the light upstairs?

2006-09-22 23:31:18 · 13 answers · asked by Smart_Guy 4

2006-09-22 23:07:40 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde pushes her car into a gas station. She tells the mechanic the car is dead. After he works on it for a few minutes, it started working smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

2006-09-22 22:31:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

as seen in simple calculator

2006-09-22 22:27:17 · 6 answers · asked by wanter 1

wht are main drawbacks of Chandu''s theory of psycheology?........

2006-09-22 22:13:28 · 2 answers · asked by nothing special 3

do you wish you were somewhere else doing other thing?

^_^

2006-09-22 21:42:39 · 34 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Old Mrs Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch old Rover a bone when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of her own.

2006-09-22 21:25:44 · 13 answers · asked by Future boy 3

A husband and his wife was trying to have a baby...they went to the doctor and asked for his help... He said okay first we need to check your wife...
How many children do you want?
5 she said
" Why so many ?" he asked.
"Well that way we can have a big family and be done with.
okay , he said.
He then asked the husband..."how may kids would you like?"
"One". he answered...
"why only one,Easier to take care of and less trouble....
Well the doctor said....take this cup home and fill it with semen...the more you have the better. the couple had sex...and he ejaculated in the cup... I \"I hope this is enough for one baby he said.. The wife didn't say anything...she just went to bed.
The next day they brought the cup to the doctor. When the husband gave him the cup...he said.."okay doc...find one good swimmer". when the doct went into his office the wife followed him in..."stop.! she said...she took the cup and spit in it... what are you doing the doctor asked. Continued....

2006-09-22 20:44:07 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

At a commuter train station a policeman noticed a woman driver bowed over the steering wheel of her car.So he asked, " Is there anything wrong?"
Half crying and half laughing the woman responded, "For ten years I have driven my husband to the station to catch his train. This morning I forgot him!"

2006-09-22 20:41:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

doctors hate me,fisher man like me,kids love to eat me.who am i?

2006-09-22 20:22:23 · 10 answers · asked by reagan i 1

2006-09-22 20:20:05 · 14 answers · asked by babee_ticklez 1

And why do idiots ask stupid questions!
10th answers gets 10 points.

2006-09-22 19:46:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous