Down in Georgia there was a big cemetery that was fenced in. And there was a hill beside the fence with a big pecan tree. Two boys went to pick the pecans and once they filled up their baskets they started to divide them amongst themselves, "one for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..." and so on. Every once in a while a pecan would roll down the hill and rest by the fence and they'd say, "Oh, let's get that one later." A little girl was riding her bike past the cemetery and heard, "one for me, one for you..." She couldn't see the boys but she knew what was going on so she rode her bike as fast as she could. She saw an old man with a walker and said, "Mister, come quick! Jesus and the devil are dividing up the souls!" They went to the cemetery and heard, "one for me, one for you..." And tried to get a peek of them but they could only hear, "one for me, one fore you, one for me, one for you. There. All done. Now lets go collect those nuts by the fence." They say the old man got to town twenty minutes before the little girl on her bike.
2006-09-23 07:22:25
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answer #1
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answered by Ask Tara 3
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A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.
In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."
He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."
2006-09-23 11:02:26
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answer #2
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answered by heidielizabeth69 7
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I was packing for my business trip and my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
and finally a guiness did this in their extra time
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
2006-09-23 07:24:40
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answer #3
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answered by hey_hey_hey 3
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There was this blond driving down a country road, a big long corn field running down the side of the road. The blonde's cruising along, top down, radio blaring and she looks out into this field and sees another blond, sitting in a row boat. Right in the middle of the field, sitting in this row boat just working those oars. The Blond sees this, gets all pissed off and screeches to a halt on the road side. She jumps out and starts screaming at the top of her lungs to this blond in the boat. "Hey bytch! It's blonde's like you that give us all a bad name! You're fuking lucky I can't swim or I'd come out there and kick your azz!!"
2006-09-23 07:09:17
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answer #4
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answered by fun_guy_otown 6
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there was this canadian woman, a virgin, that was looking for a husband on the internet.
She wanted a man that had never had sex with a woman... ( no not gay either) she got a reply from a guy in austrailia.
He assured her that he had never had sex with a woman..
The met and got married..
On their wedding night she went into the bathroom to get all sexy for him and when she came out she saw that he had moved all the furniture to the edges of the room..
She asked him "What are you doing?"
Well if sex with you is anything like sex with a kangaroo..I'll need all the room I can get
2006-09-23 16:25:05
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answer #5
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answered by Blondie 3
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one time 2 guys were walking in the woods. 1 guy sits on a rock with a snake on it and the snake bites him in the butt. The guy who got bit sayed go get help so the other one did. He says my friends just got bit by a snake on the butt. What should I do? The doctor says suck the poisen out. The guy runs back to his friend and his friends says what do we do. The guy who was not bit then said The doctor says your gonna die.
2006-09-23 07:36:50
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answer #6
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answered by Halloween freak 3
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Why don't they have Drivers Ed and Sex Ed on the same day in Iraq?
Because they don't want to wear out the camel!lol
i thought that was funny
2006-09-23 07:13:36
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answer #7
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answered by Matt 3
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A chicken and an egg were having sex. The chicken rolled off and said; "Well, I'm glad we have that settled".
Get it? Which one came first, the chicken or the egg? I love this joke, but no one else seems to. Oh well.
2006-09-23 07:12:17
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answer #8
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answered by Billy 3
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ok this is kinda funny but here it goes........
There were these 3 guys named shut up, manners, and poop. so one day they decided to go for a drive. Along the way, poop falls out of the car and manners goes to get him. Shut up gotes to the police station. the police officer says,Whats your name son? Ans shut up goes, Shut Up. Then the police officer says, seriously, whats yur name son. The shut up goes shut up. Then the police officer goes, Son where areyour manners? Then shut up says, Over there picking up poop.
Because you knw manners went after poop. Yeah that was really lame.
Peace!
2006-09-23 07:14:44
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answer #9
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answered by Krista 2
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Why does the Avon lady walk with a limp?.....because her lips stick.lol
2006-09-23 07:46:40
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answer #10
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answered by CJBig 5
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