anybody have blonde jokes? i want to laugh?

Question

please i need some really good blonde jokes, try to make them the ones that are long. if you can't then just any!
thanks

10 points for best one

Answer 1

I hope these sites give you hours of fun in reading some of the funniest jokes around.

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml

http://www.ahajokes.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html

http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1885192.cms

http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tasteless/index.html

http://www.thefunnypages.com/

http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm

http://www.landbigfish.com/jokes/default.cfm

Answer 2

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Answer 3

Ha! That become quite humorous. I do locate blond jokes kinda stereotypical, yet c'mon, have a feeling of humour, human beings! I hate human beings, blond's, who despise blonde jokes, they in all probability are not even certainly blond. So few human beings carry the gene, organic blonde's would be extinct in 2 hundred years. i'm lifeless severe

Answer 4

A blonde takes her car to a mechanic because it is not running well. The mechanic takes it to the shop while the blondes waits. About an hour later the mechanic brings the car back and it is running great, just like new.

The blonde asks "What was it?"

The mechanic says "Just crap in the carburetor."

The blonde says "Great. How often do I have to do that?"

Answer 5

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.

Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move.'

The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model.'

Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.

The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely,
'I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll
have to move back.'

The blonde replies, sweetly, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model' -- and shows no signs of moving.

Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.

Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.

Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, 'Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?'

The captain grinned slyly and said, 'I just told her that the first classcabin doesn't go to New York.'

Answer 6

Returning home from work, a blonde is shocked to find her house burglarized.

She telephones the police, and a nearby K-9 unit is the first to respond. As the officer and dog approach the house, the woman storms out onto the porch and shouts, “I get robbed, I call the police for help, and they send me a blind cop?"



A ventriloquist is touring the country and stops to entertain in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of off-colour “dumb blonde” jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:

“I’ve heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person’s hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot.“

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, “You stay out of this Mister! I’m talking to the little bastard on your knee!”



Three blondes died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question.
The question posed by St. Peter is, “What is Easter?”

The first blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful.”

“Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I’m afraid. You must go to the other place!” replies St. Peter.

Then he turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question, “What is Easter?”

The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she’s wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “Do YOU know what Easter is?”

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”

“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.

“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

Then the third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter!”


Q: What’s blonde and brown, blonde and brown, blonde and brown?

A: Madonna doing cartwheels.

Answer 7

...An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
...The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
...The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
...The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
...The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
...The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
...At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping.
...She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
...The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
...Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
...She said, "Hey, don't look at me, he makes his own lunch!"

Answer 8

There was a blonde,and she wanted to buy a t.v. .So she went into the store and said "want to buy that T.V." the clerk said "i don't sell to blondes" she came in the next day with a differ hair collor and said "i want to buy that T.V." again he said "i don't sell to blondes" furious she came back the next day with differ hair collor,make up,plastic surgery and everything, and said again " want to buy that T.V." the clerk says "i don't sell to blondes" the blonde yells "my hair collor is changed,i got plastic surgery,how do you know im a blonde" the clerk replys "mam,thats a microwave".

Answer 9

how do u get a blonde 2 laff on a monday................tell them a joke on friday! (yea its lame but the only 1 i had)

Answer 10

how do you know when a blonde is baking chocolate chip cookies?
............ When you see M&M shells on her her kitchen floor.