Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

what is the month that tells us to move forward?

2006-08-13 02:46:58 · 29 answers · asked by anuja 1

I am where the sky is orange;
I am where the grass is red;
I am the land of violet bananas
and the home to blue oranges.

What am I?

2006-08-13 02:43:47 · 23 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

apparently foolhardy nightclubers in Leeds started it off by injecting liquid MDNA 'ecstacy' into the soft tissue in the mouth, Yorkshire police say the craze is known locally as "E by gum"!!

2006-08-13 02:26:39 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-13 02:25:46 · 16 answers · asked by PrincessR 1

:)

2006-08-13 02:25:00 · 8 answers · asked by s a r a;♥ 3

once a dog starved form famine in the village turned towards city there he finds a group of pampered fat dogs he narrrates them his story, they showed sympathy to him and asked him to wait till evening. when evening came they took him to a social gathering where people were having drinks and eating. The native dog was busy eating the leftovers and the thrownaway from the plates, after sometime he noticed that the group of his friends were just sitting and chatting in one corner and none was intrested in eating. He asked them the reason why they were not intrested in eating. they replied that we are not in a hurry let two three more pegs of drinks be served then they sit on the same table and eat with men

2006-08-13 02:07:29 · 20 answers · asked by stone 4

two friends are eatin in a fast food restaurant, they both have EXACTLY the same meals and drinks, the only difference is that one is eatin faster than the other. the one who eats slower dies after finishing his meal. WHY??

2006-08-13 01:53:50 · 13 answers · asked by damn 2

A blind man travels far with his wife to get an operation so that he may see again. once the operation is done he takes a train back with his wife. when he is in the train travellin back he suddenly mysteriously decides to jump off and commit suicide. WHY>????

2006-08-13 01:49:59 · 26 answers · asked by damn 2

2006-08-13 01:47:17 · 28 answers · asked by CJ75 1

know me

2006-08-13 01:41:40 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

i'm bored! make me laugh!

2006-08-13 01:27:38 · 23 answers · asked by ALBSTERboomer 3

It should have the meaning of being the top among the rest or greatest of all. What phrase/quote/proverbs similar to this?? think the BEST to this. 10 points!! for the best matched. Need some idea for my project,...thanks!!

2006-08-13 01:25:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a good pub quiz question this....
if not guessed will put answer here in a couple of days...
mines a pint please...

2006-08-13 01:19:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a bus full of people are going to the beach it is extremly hot and everyone is excited the bus driver decides to take the scenic route and drives over a bridge when he gets to the other side of the bridge there is not one single person in the bus what happen to them??????

2006-08-13 00:03:48 · 16 answers · asked by jackztar 2

2006-08-12 23:56:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 23:45:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 23:43:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Give examples:

2006-08-12 23:38:57 · 6 answers · asked by LeBlanc 6

A man lost his eye in the war, and, this being the good ole' days, recieved a fake eye made out of wood. His wooden eye weighed deeply on his self-esteem, and it had been a long time since he had a date. He went to the bar every night, though most nights he ended up hiding away in the corner, drinking away his misery. His wooden eye was indeed a curse!

Then one night, he noticed a beautiful girl who was also lurking behind the scenes. And then he realized why. The girl had lost her leg and now had a wooden leg, which too, was affecting her self-esteem. His face lit up. Finally, someone like him! He approached the girl, who had been waiting for this moment for years, and said:

"Would you like to dance?"
"WOULD I?" she exclaimed happily. "WOULD I?!?"

Astonished and hurt, he shot back,
"PEG LEG! PEG LEG!"


Haha. sorry bout that. That's probably the best and worst joke I've heard. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm out!
But if you have any lame jokes, lay 'em on me!"

2006-08-12 23:30:21 · 16 answers · asked by ear help! 3

Three-fourths of a cross and a circle complete,
Two semi-circles with a pependicular meet.
Then add a triangle that stands on 2 feet,
Two semi-circles and a circle complete.
What am I?

One word answer here please ! First to the post get the ten points! You will deserve it!

2006-08-12 23:27:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 23:18:55 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Understanding Research Papers


THEY WRITE/THEY MEAN

It has long been known that.../
I haven't bothered to look up the reference

...of great theoretical and practical importance/
...interesting to me

While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions.../
The experiments didn't work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it...

The W-Pb system was chosen as especially suitable to show the predicted behavior.../
The fellow in the next lab had some already made up

High purity...
Very high purity...
Extremely high purity...
Super-purity...
Spectroscopically pure.../
Composition unknown except for exaggerated claims of the supplier

A fiducial reference line.../
A scratch

Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study.../
The results of the others didn't make sense and were ignored...

...handled with extreme care/
...not dropped on the floor during the experiments

look in the details for more, if there aren't any, well gimme a sec

2006-08-12 23:12:13 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

FIRST TO ANSWER GETS 10 PTS

2006-08-12 22:52:50 · 8 answers · asked by KITKAT 3

Someone at a party introduces you to your mother's only sister's husband's sister in law. He has no brothers. What do you call this lady?

FIRST ONE WITH CORRECT ANSWER GETS 10 POINTS.

2006-08-12 22:46:07 · 17 answers · asked by KITKAT 3

Doctor true stories..
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'"
--won't admit his name.

2006-08-12 22:26:46 · 8 answers · asked by KITKAT 3

2006-08-12 22:09:45 · 27 answers · asked by Henr 2

okay....
1st, think of the number of ur b-day's month...
example:
january-1
feb-2
march-3
april-4 nd so on...

then multiply it by 10...
then add 10...
multiply again by 10...
then add the day of ur b-day....
example:
if ur b-day is may 5, den add 5!

then, add 10...

then give me the total!

i will give ur b-day in less than 1 min!!! don't believe me?!
den,after u answer diz dont go anywhere and check the additional details...

2006-08-12 22:03:21 · 25 answers · asked by ayra67_angelz 4 christ 2

2006-08-12 21:57:28 · 5 answers · asked by gorillaguth 3

Tell all the "Fat Mama' jokes here you want. there's nothing better than a good joke.

2006-08-12 21:06:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.

"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"

"Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."

2006-08-12 21:01:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous