go on then, make me laugh!?

Question

i'm bored! make me laugh!

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

Why Indians Can't be Terrorists
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. We are always late we would have missed the flight.

2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us!

3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.

5. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

8. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

9. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.

********************************************************************************************

You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
1-You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
2-Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3-Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
4-All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
5-And even your night dreams are in HTML.
6-You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7-You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
8-You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
9-Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
10-You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
11-You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
12-Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
13-All of your friends have an @ in their names.
14-When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
15-Your dog has its own home page.
16-You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
17-You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
18-Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
19-You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
20-You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
21-Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
22-You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
23-You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
24-You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
25-Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
26-You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher."
27-You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
28-The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
29-You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
30-Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
31-As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

Answer 3

You are asking too much at this time of the day - anyway I don't get paid to do laughs!! Ever heard that if you are bored, then you are boring - QUEEN MOTHER or Barbara Cartland or Donald Duck or some other boring fat said that

Answer 4

true story: a little australian girl was out playing in her garden and next door some builders were building a house. she got chatting to them and the adopted her as a little mascot and gave her little jobs to do and things. at the end of the week they presented her with a little pay packet with a shiny half crown in it or something. her mother made all the appropriate noises of admiration when the little girl showed it to her and suggested they take it to the bank. when they got there the banker asked where she got so much money and the little girl told her she had been helping build a house. the banker asked if she would be building any next week and the little girl replied i will if we ever get the f*ucking bricks!

Answer 5

I really do love this country, but...

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Answer 6

Jesus was walking through Palestine followed by his entourage when he came across a group of women. The were about to stone another woman to death. Jesus asked the women why.
Because she's a prostitute they replied.
Jesus stepped forward and said "let she who is without sin cast the first stone"
From out of his crowd of followers came a stone which his the prostitute full in the face.
Jesus turns around and said "you know sometimes mother, you really piss me off"

Answer 7

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West.

Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.

He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Helen?"

Helen looks him over, "Nope."

Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"

Helen looks again, "Nope."

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
DIFFERENT?"

Helen looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, shoulda bought a hat."

Answer 8

a women police officer pulls over a drunk driver,she gets the man out of the car an sez" im going to have to arrest you anything u say will be takin out and held against you" the man shouts "breasts"

Answer 9

An older lady was in line at the security gate at the airport waiting to get through when they found sewing needles and string in her purse she explained that she needed them so she could sew on the plane. they would not let her take the stuff on the plane in fear she would make an afghan

Answer 10

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 11

What has a Hazelnut in every bite? Squirrel ****