Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A telemarketer was taking a survey. He told the
woman on the line, "I represent a number of
vaseline companies and we're doing a survey of the
many uses of vaseline in the home. Would you mind
taking a few moments and telling me how you use
our product ?"

She said, "We use it for cuts, dry skin, chapped
lips and sex."

The marketer undaunted pushed on, "Uh, would you
mind explaining how you use it for sex ?"

"Simple. I put it on the door-knob - it keeps the
kids out of the room."

2006-07-07 23:59:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

?NOBODY IS PERFECT ?

2006-07-07 23:57:17 · 19 answers · asked by udayy2 3

2006-07-07 23:50:48 · 19 answers · asked by ginny w 2

right answer gets 10points

2006-07-07 23:46:25 · 7 answers · asked by Miguel C 1

fall in that place... and get ur reward.....guess what is the answer...:)

2006-07-07 23:40:54 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

And be a winner..!!

2006-07-07 23:34:51 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-07 23:26:38 · 6 answers · asked by Apek 1

If possible within an hour.

2006-07-07 23:17:39 · 14 answers · asked by 007james bond 3

2006-07-07 23:14:52 · 26 answers · asked by russellhamuk 3

slices? would it? oh what joy....a singing PBJ

2006-07-07 23:02:17 · 1 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking". Then Little Johnny says, now I have a question for you. "There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married? "

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.

2006-07-07 22:58:12 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

Instead of having journey to find some dumb stuff..that you think children willt hink its Adventrous. I think the Children will think "Back to your Homeland" episode (sorry if i mispelled) adventrous

I think the moment when she set foot over that border she sang that stupid song "we did it!" (if you heard it....its annoying).....i think the "Swiper" is the Deporter trying to deport Dora (potentially the deportee) ....Because why else is Dora trying to keep away from Swiper? I think the "monkey" and a accomplise...*helped Dora getting in the USA* This time the Backpack wont help you now! Oh...no the backpack wont help you now..like it did in your *cover-up* show schemes. BUT YES...THIS TIME SWIPER WILL SWIPPEE.........
i got one question for you Dora..why are you making shows..when it.....can and will get you caught.

But then US *legals* Will be the ones signing "WE DID IT!!"

2006-07-07 22:56:49 · 3 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

2006-07-07 22:46:34 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, there's not a tree around for miles, what you're looking at is your air freshener"

ohhh *ducks again* ♥

2006-07-07 22:43:59 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Shakespeare wrote five sequels to his plays; to which his publicist. Mad Mol, said 'Thrill again to the spills and chills of all your favourite characters, back again in glorious blank verse!'
These plays are :

Merchant of Venice 2 : Shylock gets a Better Lawyer

Taming of the Shrew 2 : The Divorce

Romeo and Juliet 2 : The Next Day

Hamlet 2 : Fortinbras and Horatio, the Odd Couple

Midsummer Nights Dream 2 : Bottom goes to the Seaside

2006-07-07 22:40:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

the gay man twice..

2006-07-07 22:40:31 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-07 22:34:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-07 22:32:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

My cat - a notorious creature of ill deed and wicked intent - recently surprised us all by announcing he was tired of the uniform conformity of goth and its dull middle-class pretensions. He is now a rap fan.

2006-07-07 22:30:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cut it into 4 please there is no way I can eat 8 slices !

2006-07-07 22:25:07 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-07 22:20:50 · 12 answers · asked by Cecilia 2

give d sentence that has all the 26 alphabets of english

2006-07-07 22:02:38 · 6 answers · asked by nl_leo 1

I've heard it was Papa Smurf but then it was one episode they found him.. yeah RIGHT!! it was a cover up uh huh... I think we should do a paternity test on the whole darn village don't you?

2006-07-07 21:53:05 · 6 answers · asked by Zinnina 3

"I LIVE IN WATER,IF U CUT MY HEAD I M AT UR DOOR,IF U CUT MY TAIL,I AM A FRUIT,IF U CUT BOTH THEN I AM WITH U"

2006-07-07 21:51:29 · 20 answers · asked by nl_leo 1

10 points for the first one to get it right xx

2006-07-07 21:38:11 · 15 answers · asked by stacie lou 3

I think you know what I mean.

2006-07-07 21:36:13 · 10 answers · asked by Jason 3

there was a young man from belgrave'
who f****d a dead whore in a grave,
he said i must admit, it's a little bit s**t,
but look at the money i save..

2006-07-07 21:35:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded.

"You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

2006-07-07 21:10:22 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-07 20:58:10 · 3 answers · asked by I loathe YH answers 3

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the side
and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front
but she didnt wear that one very often !

2006-07-07 20:54:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous