Jokes & Riddles - December 2007

2007-12-09 08:29:26 · 39 answers · asked by WOP 3

I know no one him but I like to pick on him because he is a douche. We are friends however I want to prove the world hates him too.

2007-12-09 07:02:16 · 7 answers · asked by matt h 1

George W Bush was visiting famous Washington landmarks for inspiration. At the Washington monument he asked:`What can i do to be a strong President?`
George Washington`s spirit replied: Maintain a strong army and rule it wisely.'
At the Jefferson monument he asked:What can i do to be a strong ruler?'
Thomas Jefferson spirit said; Maintain the constitution and listen to the people.'
at the
Lincoln monument Bush asked: 'How can i best listen to the people? What do they really want ?
Abraham Lincolns spirit answered:Visit the theatre.'

2007-12-09 06:57:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A. a primordial ocean
B. a dinosaur's bloodstream
C. water your neighbor used to water his lawn
D. all of the answers are correct

2007-12-09 06:13:43 · 16 answers · asked by CheetosMonster00 1

Who ever tells me the best prank gets 10 points, Im trying to prank my brother

2007-12-09 05:57:07 · 4 answers · asked by jettica24 3

man: shall we try a new position tonight darling?

wife: sounds good, you get behind the ironing board while i sit on the sofa with the remote control,drink beer and fart.

2007-12-09 05:54:04 · 21 answers · asked by jonny stud 1

Hey everybody! Listen up! I will randomly give 10 points to some lucky person tomorrow that answers! Cool huh?! But you have to give me a star! Other wise you don't qualify.
See yah tomorrow!

2007-12-09 05:52:24 · 18 answers · asked by tinkerbell 3

LOST WIFE

An older man approaches a younger woman inside the mall. "Excuse me," he said. "I've can't
seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, "Sure, sir, do you know
where your wife might be?"

"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, she usually
appears out of nowhere."

2007-12-09 05:34:47 · 18 answers · asked by David 6

Did you hear about the two g.ay guys who had an argument in the bar?

They went outside to exchange blows.

2007-12-09 05:27:52 · 14 answers · asked by jockman432004 4

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.

"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
























Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."

2007-12-09 05:09:56 · 17 answers · asked by Queen Latifah 4

2007-12-09 04:51:18 · 10 answers · asked by Rush 2

This Question: What your last Relatoinship Like?

My Response: IT WAS LIKE A BUCKET OF RAIN WATER
1st it gently falls on you
2nd it starts to fill you up slowly
3rd it starts to overflow on you
Then then they kick YOU OVER & YOU SPILL ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

2007-12-09 04:47:52 · 3 answers · asked by tim b 5

An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station becasue she had just gotten married-for the 4th time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting", the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a litte about her first 3 husbands and their occupations. She paused, needing to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she aswered proudly; In my 20's, my first husband was a banker. In my 40's, my second husband was a circus ringmaster. In my 60's, my third husband was a preacher. And now in my 80's, a funeral director. The interview looked quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smile and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
Logicial ?

2007-12-09 04:31:01 · 11 answers · asked by Mama Mia 7

heres a good one, now u have to answer to all the questions fast


say silk 3 times
spell silk 2 times
say silk 5 times
spell silk 4 times
say silk 7 times
now what to cows drink

after u answer think about it for a second... kk?

2007-12-09 04:17:25 · 28 answers · asked by ahhh! its a spider!:O 3

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."

"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

2007-12-09 04:16:21 · 42 answers · asked by Luck dragon 7

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in **** up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with **** up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with **** up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

2007-12-09 04:07:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a date rape drug going around. While this drug does have beneficial uses in small quantities, female sexual predators are using it at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. Shockingly this drug is available at most grocery and convenience stores! Women often persuade men to consume multiple doses, and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Often while under the influence of this drug men will succumb to desires to perform sex acts on women who they would never normally be attracted to. Men often awaken after being given this drug with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before. Some times they wake up with a headache and a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

2007-12-09 03:47:36 · 7 answers · asked by Queen Latifah 4

Because he was a salted

2007-12-09 03:06:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."

And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, 'The Dallas Cowboys' - America's team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."
So he made their fans.

2007-12-09 01:52:29 · 10 answers · asked by Nancy M 7

nmae the first red thing HURRY

2007-12-09 01:47:15 · 87 answers · asked by Anonymous

A new teacher is starting da class by asking the pupils their hobbies. 'let's start with da boys first.' said da teacher. the first boy said 'i am peter and i luv 2 c bubble in the bathtub.' the teacher said 'alright. next. ok u try..' the second boy said 'i am william and i luv 2 c bubble in the bathtub.' the teacher said..'don't u got anything else 2 do?' this goes on until the thirtieth boy. the teacher said 'what's wrong with u all?never mind, let's move on with the girls.' the first girl said 'i am samantha and i love 2 go bird-watching.' the teacher said 'finally. something different.' then the teacher called the most beautiful girl in da class. she said 'my name is Bubble and i bath three times a day.'

2007-12-09 01:32:24 · 10 answers · asked by GoodGirlGoneBad 3

Hum I dont remember eating that?

2007-12-09 01:31:31 · 7 answers · asked by BigBadWolf 6

i went for a job on a building site and the forman said[are you good at making tea?yes i says.fine he says. can you drive a fork-lift?yes i says by the way how big is the effing tea-pot?

2007-12-09 01:08:34 · 12 answers · asked by country bumpkin [sheep nurse] 7

Person with the most thumbs down gets the ten points haha.

2007-12-09 01:06:39 · 14 answers · asked by Ethereal 4

All Donuts and Ice Cream all the time?

Ever heard of that?

Does it work? It works okay for them.......

I'm on my 3rd half Gallon of 'Moose Droppings' in 2 Days!

Kurt

2007-12-09 00:27:30 · 4 answers · asked by Bolles Harbor Alive-New 360 pg 3

I've been sitting here crying for the past half hour and basically feeling sorry for myself and for my situations. And I'm wondering if anyone can make me laugh? A giggle, a chuckle, or a bust-a-gut laugh is needed...... Anyone up to the challenge???

2007-12-09 00:18:11 · 27 answers · asked by Brenda 6

Why doesn't anyone ever guess?
Why do they always say "what"?

2007-12-08 23:54:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's
hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.
" Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Merry Christmas, buddy!

2007-12-08 23:48:15 · 20 answers · asked by Greybeard 7

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune Frank, the Shoe Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

2007-12-08 23:47:49 · 16 answers · asked by copper 2

Wait for full thing

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for p*ssies and asian ladies

2007-12-08 23:18:58 · 9 answers · asked by Cat burgler 5