Jokes & Riddles - December 2007

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the **** is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

2007-12-20 23:51:50 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man asks a Wizard if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard replies, "Maybe, but you'll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man answers without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

2007-12-20 23:41:26 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

More from Maxines:

-Wipe your mouth,there's still tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.
-Why dont you sleep into something more confortable...like a coma.
-Never go to bad angry...stay up and plot your revenge!
-Dont belive everithing you think.
-Well,aren't you the most adorable black hole of need?
-Shhh...thats the sound f nobody caring what you think.
-Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
-I dont kknow what your problem is...but I bet its hard to pronounce.
-Dont make me use UPPERCASE!
-If you have something to say raise your hand..and place it over your mouth.
-You are not yourself tpday...I noticed the improvement immediatly!
-Dont let your mind wander...its to small to be on its own.
-I hear you changed you mind at last...what did you do with the diaper?
-If there is a TOURIST SEASON how come we can't SHOOT them?
-Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

2007-12-20 23:34:44 · 13 answers · asked by catLover 2

A jelly baby goes to his GP and asks for an aids test. The GP says " you`re a jelly baby! why do you need an aids test? "... so the jelly baby looks down and says... " well i`ve been sleeping with Allsorts.".....

2007-12-20 23:34:29 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

here about an englishman thought BEN NEVIS played for Scotland.?

2007-12-20 23:30:42 · 13 answers · asked by country bumpkin [sheep nurse] 7

News break from a friend in Maryland. --- bernard
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws and while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up, her eyes closed with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from t he heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.

When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde. She lives in California and is a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.

2007-12-20 23:22:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-20 22:47:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I shall tell, I am Indonesian and our jokes are different with yours. I went to the Jokes & Riddles subject and found many jokes that I understood, and I think they're funny, made me smiled. Clever jokes. However, those jokes weren't made me laugh. It's funny, but they didn't made me laugh. Is it related to nation taste or habit or word difference?
Thanks anyway! :-)p

2007-12-20 21:39:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT YAHOO ANSWERS

My Christmas wish for you, my friend
Is not a simple one
For I wish you hope and joy and peace
Days filled with warmth and sun

I wish you love and friendship too
Throughout the coming year
Lots of laughter and happiness
To fill your world with cheer

May you count your blessings, one by one
And when totaled by the lot
May you find all you've been given
To be more than what you sought

May your journeys be short, your burdens light
May your spirit never grow old
May all your clouds have silver linings
And your rainbows pots of gold

I wish this all and so much more
May all your dreams come true
May you have a Merry Christmas friend
And a happy New Year, too ..

JAKE5282 (Fred real name)

2007-12-20 21:34:22 · 16 answers · asked by Jake5282 3

2007-12-20 21:32:45 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

� Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

� Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

� For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

� Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.


� This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

� Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

� A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

� At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.


� The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

� Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

� The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

� Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.


� 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

� The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

� Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

and last but not least...

� Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2007-12-20 20:27:43 · 23 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

teacher: what is the chemical symbol of barium?

student: Ba

teacher: for sodium?

student: Na

teacher: now answer this.what is formed when you combine 1 atom of barium and one atom of sodium?

student: a BaNaNa

2007-12-20 20:17:15 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are locked in a jail cell with no windows. and you need to tap out a message on the wall for the man in the other cell next to you. The problem is that you have to do it at exactly 9:15 PM, when the guard outside is switched, so your noise won't be noticed. You can't hear the switching of the guards through your walls, and you have no clock.

There is a faucet with water dripping very consistently from it in the corner, but you don't know if it is dripping at 30 or 40 or however many drops per minute, and that wouldn't give you the time in any case. You can just make out the chiming of a church bell, but it chimes just once at the top of each hour, so you can't tell the time from that. You can feel the wall facing west start to cool after the sun sets, but you don't know what time the sun is setting, and this isn't very precise in any case. Your dinner is always passed into your cell between 6:15 and 6:45. How do you determine when it is exactly 9:15 PM?

2007-12-20 20:12:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why is a woman like KFC?
When you've finished with the legs and breast, all that's left is a greasy bucket to put your bone in!!!!


srry if any of u gurlz find it offensive, but my friend said u have to put it in

2007-12-20 19:37:00 · 7 answers · asked by s-mali s 1

Author: Fido Dalmatian, Professor of Doglish, Dog University

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dogs's response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

2007-12-20 19:15:32 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A competition was held to find out who is the best person in farting.

Three people were the finalists after initial screening.

The first one farted.The chairs in the room were broken.

The second one farted.The tables in the room got powdered.

The third one farted and he was chosen as the winner asThe statue of a man in the room closed its nose with its fingers.

2007-12-20 18:43:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

The average female is 61% more likely to guess better then the average male. 60 women and 14 men from Stanford University participate in a competition, there are four tools placed into separate containers. The containers are then moved into a different room and placed in a random order. The participants are then asked to come individually, they are asked to guess which tools are in which containers.

17 participants guess all 4 incorrectly(All women). 26 participants guess 1 tool correctly(All women). 27 participants guessed 2 correctly(All women).

The Question: How many people have guessed three tools correctly, and how many people have guessed four tools correctly?

2007-12-20 18:25:30 · 9 answers · asked by white_rhino8 1

The is a person who has a car and he always makes excuses to people for not giving them a lift whenever they ask for it. One day it so happens that, a clever guy asks him for a lift while he was on the highway. The owner of the car makes an excuse “ Sorry sir! My car is haunted. The ghosts who haunt it cannot tolerate anybody else other me or my family to be in the car.”
The guy who wanted the lift asks “why is it so, why only you and your family?”. The owner replies “Because the ghosts in my car consider me to be their best friend.” The guy says “ Oh ! I see, well can you allow me to be in your car alone while it is parked here while you just stand outside and wait?”. The owner insisted and warned the guy that the ghosts were too scary and they make friends with no one except with the owner himself. The guy anyway asked for the keys and sat in the car and before the owner could say anything started the car and drove it while the owner kept shouting help on the highway. Suddenly the guy returns with the car and opening the door of the car tells the owner “Sir now you can give me the lift because I have told the ghosts that I am your friend’s friend and they happily agreed and have infact left the car forever”

2007-12-20 16:54:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

let me see who is smart enough,the person who stars it and is chosen as best answer gets 10 points

2007-12-20 16:50:34 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pls star if you like it..Thx.

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-12-20 16:44:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pls star if you like this one. Thx.


One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

2007-12-20 16:37:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pls star if you like it. Thx.


A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground .

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, thinks I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence..."

2007-12-20 16:30:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pls star if you like it. thx.

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go.

Next, they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still not good.

Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and *** Holes." No way.

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.

"Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh.

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

2007-12-20 16:23:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pls star if you like this one. I did. Thx.


Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"

"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He lived... and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..

2007-12-20 16:13:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a room with no doors and no windows. You only have a mirror and a piece of wood, how do you get out?

2007-12-20 15:46:44 · 6 answers · asked by ¿ǝɯ ǝzıuƃoɔǝɹ noʎ op 2

An 18-year-old girl tells her Mum that she is two months late. Very worried, the mother rushes off to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says: "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know now!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a red Ferrari stops in front of their house and a mature and distinguished man with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and he explains: "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it's twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, well... what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father - who had remained silent - places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and says, "Then I reckon you'll just have to sleep with her again!"

2007-12-20 15:23:44 · 34 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.

Finally, she said "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Camp, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Marvin sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right; is the captain a woman? I think I better have a whiskey and water." When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you correctly? Is the captain a woman?" "Yes," said the attendant. "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Marvin, "I'd better have two whiskeys and water. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant.
"We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the box office."

2007-12-20 15:17:48 · 20 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.

I said,"Thyroid problem?"

5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:"Buy one dog, get one flea..."

7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always

complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

2007-12-20 14:54:22 · 16 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

im just really bored and i want to give away 10 points

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

2007-12-20 14:44:02 · 12 answers · asked by Moni Bee 5

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals,
but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse.
This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be
covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit
lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the
act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
and her daughter at the same time

( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is ill egal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the
premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of .. ?)

(Did the government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last:

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

2007-12-20 14:43:20 · 23 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6