10 points to the funniest joke or moment!!!!!?

Question

im just really bored and i want to give away 10 points

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Answer 1

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 roll of toiletpaper
1 frozen dinner
1 can of pop
1 box of cereal
The woman behind the counter says, "so you are single huh?"
The man replies very sarcastically, "why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 of everything?"
The woman replies, "no, because you are ugly."

Answer 2

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He happened to look down the bar and see a man sitting there with a head the size of a cue ball. So he walked down and said to the man, "Excuse me sir, I don't mean to be rude but I noticed you have a small head. Is this a birth defect?" The man said "No, I got this in the war. My ship was torpedoed by the German's in W.W.II. I was the only survivor on the ship. So I swam to shore. One day a mermaid swam up to me and said she would grant me three wishes. For my first wish I wanted to return to Canada. The mermaid granted that wish. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Wish granted. My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid. She said, 'I can't grant that wish because mermaids can't have sex.'" So I said, "How about a little head?

Answer 3

Three explorers shipwreck on an island, and make their way to some noise and commotion deep in the clearings. Behind thick bushes, they could see a sacred procession, but alas, too late, they are discovered and brought before the tribunal.

The chief and elders pass judgement on the three helpless infiltrators and sentence them. They have a choice - Death, or Mugumbo!

The first explorer says, "Death? No way. I'll take Mugumbo". At this, the chief motions at a tall heavy gate, which bursts open and a raging 7 foot tall gargantuan named Gok comes flying out and starts to ravage our explorer in ways one can only imagine. Gog finishes with him, and throws the exhausted explorer off to the side.

The chief turns to the second explorer, "Death, or Mugumbo! Seeing his partner squirming in pain and gasping for air, he still longs for the comforts of home, and in a flash decides that anything is still better than death. "Mugumbo!" he decides, and closes his eyes and clenches his teeth while Gok has his way with him. Broken and barely breathing, with potential brain damage, the second explorer is flung to the side.

The chief now looks at the third explorer, and with fire in his eyes, screams loudly, "Death! or Mugumbo!" After seeing his two buddies attacked in such unimaginable ways, he decides that it's just not worth it. He bravely gazes at the chief, and yells "Death!"

... to which the chief snaps back, "Death.... by Mugumbo!!

Answer 4

some thing particularly humorous occurred to me at present. HAHA me and my pal the place going abode from college and because there became a patch of ICE on the floor i slipped reason i became strolling to rapid and that i attempted to stand back up yet fell returned and returned. all and sundry became staring at me like i became some fool lmao

Answer 5

A MAN GOES INTO A BAR AND ORDERS A ROUND FOR THE HOUSE AND DRINKS HIS REAL QUICK, AND WHEN THE BARTENDER ASKS HIM WHY HE'S IN A HURRY, HE SAYS HE'D BE IF HE HAD WHAT HE DID.
"What's that?" The bartender asked.
"Fifty cents,"

or
A guy who is sad is sitting in a bar and a beautiful girl comes over and says "You look down. I'll do whatever you want me to for twenty five cents if you can put it in three words." The man smiled and put down a quarter and said, "Paint my house," The girl got pissed.

Answer 6

ok when i was little my garage door was broken
something with the doorknob if it was unlocked you could just push it open
i was an energetic little bugger so i would run down the hall and push the door and jump down to the garge when i had to go out there

well my mom fixed the doorknob
and i forgot she fixed it
and yeh
i hit the door and fell flat to the floor and just layed there staring at the door

i dont remebr crying either
i was about 6 or 7

Answer 7

well this is an embarassing story...
when i was younger, i was walking to the office at school with this boy i liked. I was talking to him and all of a sudden i ran into a garbage can and fell straight in!
On our way back he made sure to say, "watch out for those garbage cans."
ohwow that was so embassing! lol

Answer 8

Google "Dell customer complaint call". It's hilarious!

Go to funnyordie.com, search "the landlord". It's riotous!

Answer 9

There once was a man from another country who did not know any English. So he decided to listen what other people say in America.

First, he walked past a restaurant and heard a waitress say,"what would you need?"
"Yes, Forks and Knives,"replied the woman.

Yes,Forks and knives was what the man had learned.

Then, the man walked past a music store and heard a line from a song "she said,goodbye,too many times before"

So the man learned "she said,goodbye,too many times before"

An hour later, the man was stopped by a police with a murder crime.

Police- "did you kill this women"
Man- "yes"
Police- "how did you kill this women?"
Man-"forks and knives"
Police- "why?"
Man- "She said , goodbye , too many times before"

THe man was in jail for the rest of his life.

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Edit: Why are so many people giving other answers thumb downs???

Answer 10

ok now there is 3 people on a plane
1 george bush
1 george wash.
1 you
OK now all three ppl are on the plane and u said u wanted to make someone happy so u threw a dollar out the plane.
George bush said i wanted to make two ppl happy so he threw 2 dollars out the plane.
And george wash. said he wanted to make everyone happy so he threw george bush outta the plane
lmao
rofl