Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

On a certain campus Arts students always lie and Engineering students always tell the truth.
A stranger meets three students and asks the first if she is studying Arts. The first student answers the question, but the stranger doesn’t hear her. The second student then says to the stranger that the first student denied being an Arts student. Then the third student says that the first is really an Arts student.
How many are Arts students? Can you decide which?

2007-04-26 06:31:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

david beckam walked into a junk shop the other day and walked up to the counter.
good day sir the till man says.
good afternoon david replies. i was just wandering what this is.
that is a thermos flask the man says.
wot dus it do? david asked.
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
so he buys it and takes it home to victoria.
wot ya got there david? she asks.
a thermos flask.
wot does it do? she asks.
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
kool she says.
so he takes it to training the next day.
he shows sven and sven say to david wots dat?
it is a thermos flask. it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. he replies.
so wot ya got in it? sven asks.
well i got 2 cups of tea and a choc ice.


if u liked it give it a star!!!

2007-04-26 06:24:23 · 14 answers · asked by steveanderson121@btinternet.com 1

Where am I? ... you have 5 minutes!

2007-04-26 06:21:29 · 11 answers · asked by Dr Lavender 1

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower >and spinach, with green, long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said "You want
hot fudge with that?

And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said "Try my fresh green salad".

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".

2007-04-26 06:02:33 · 32 answers · asked by Kemodo 344™ 3

There was this man who died & because he'd been very bad he went straight to Hell.
When he got there, the Devil showed him around
"Now listen" the Devil told him "You've been pretty evil throughout your life but I'm going to give you a choice"
He showed him three rooms.
"You have a choice of any one of these rooms to spend eternity in".............

2007-04-26 05:08:13 · 70 answers · asked by pink.jazzz 3

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight mini-skirt, and decides to get on the bus directly behind her. As the bus pulls up, she begins to board the bus, but cannot make the first step with her mini zipped. She reaches behind her and undoes the zipper. Then she attempts to board the bus, and once again she fails in her attempt. She reaches behind her once more and undoes the same zipper. She tries again to board the bus, and again she fails in her attempts. The young man finally decides just to lift her into the bus.
When he lifts her she yells, “Don't get fresh with me!”

The young man just looks at her and says, “Lady you've just undone my zipper twice, and now you say that I'm getting fresh with you!”

2007-04-26 04:50:31 · 6 answers · asked by bunnielover 3

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

2007-04-26 04:43:20 · 11 answers · asked by bunnielover 3

How would you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

2007-04-26 04:40:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-26 04:33:30 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a Rock group,
I have four people in me,
they all ruled in a high position at different times,
All of them are dead now,
One was assassinated,


First one to get it right wins!

2007-04-26 04:05:26 · 12 answers · asked by X_x dead 3

Alma, Bess, Cleo, and Dina visited Edna.
Who visited Edna last?
[1] The time of each visit was as follows:

Alma at 8 o'clock
Bess at 9 o'clock
Cleo at 10 o'clock
Dina at 11 o'clock.

[2] At least one women visited Edna between Alma and Bess.

[3] Alma did not visit Edna before both Cleo and Dina.

[4] Cleo did not visit Edna between Bess and Dina.

2007-04-26 03:44:05 · 41 answers · asked by katty 2

Nothing they've never been seen together.

2007-04-26 03:17:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you answer it..

2007-04-26 03:11:42 · 7 answers · asked by sunny_wantsome 3

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

2007-04-26 01:39:34 · 4 answers · asked by Bhaskar 3

Dog Rules...

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

pointless i know, but felt like posting it, dont care if you dont like it, i like nonsense.

xx

2007-04-26 01:00:51 · 15 answers · asked by vixen xx 3

During a very long wait to take off at the airport, an unknown aircraft pilot broadcasts ,
"I'm f**king bored!"
Ground traffic controllers response ,
"Last aircraft to transmit identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft,
"I said I was f**king bored, not, f**king stupid!"

2007-04-26 00:43:46 · 28 answers · asked by ? 5

An asia couple are stting on the couch, alone in their little apartment when the man turns to the woman and says "weewee chew?"
"No! No weewee chew tonight" she responds.
"Oh, c'mon, please, weewee chew!"
"Oh" she gives up, "fine."
He claps his hands in happiness and says, "Can we use the v'deo camera?"
"I guess so"she responds.
He gets out the camera and stes it up and sits on the couch,
"Ready?" He askes,
"Yes," She responds, they both look at the camera,
"Wee wee chew a Mewwy Chwistmas, wee wee chew a Mewwy Chwistmas!"

Didya like?

2007-04-25 17:20:58 · 11 answers · asked by JCo* 3

How To Give Your Cat A Pill



Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle.
Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty". Drop the pill in its mouth.
Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa.
Follow the same procedure as in 1, but hold cats front paws down with left hand
& back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle (resist impulse to get new cat).
Again proceed as in 1 except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle feeding position, sit on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cats mouth by lifting the upper jaw & pop pill in quickly! Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing. That's just as well.
Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.
Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat & pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here anyway?" Open cats mouth, take pill & ..... oops!
This isn't working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha! Those flashing slashing claws are causing the chaos her, aren't they?
Crawl to the linen closet licking your wounds. Drag back a large beach towel. Spread the towel on the floor.
Retrieve cat from kitchen counter & pill from potted plant.
Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
Flatten cats front & back legs over its stomach (resist impluse to flatten cat).
Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for now man - or woman!
Resume position 1. Rotate left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
Drop it into cats mouth & poke gently. Voila! its done.
Vacuum up loose fur (the cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
Take two aspirins & lie down.

2007-04-25 17:03:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-25 14:41:04 · 11 answers · asked by roger earl 1

2007-04-25 14:39:01 · 61 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

If I gave you a million dollars, and with the million dollars I also gave you two boats, seven planes, and a pirate to go "Yo Ho" for seven minutes, would you have sex with a goat? And girls, and elephant?

2007-04-25 13:50:40 · 20 answers · asked by Story teller 2

um.................. i saw some kid get kicked in the balls while holding a cake in the dmv while hunting a dear with a katana and a mohawk

2007-04-25 10:23:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a small boat. however he can carry only one item. the fox could eat the duck, the duck could eat the corn. His goal is to get all three items accross safely. How does he do it?

2007-04-25 09:58:20 · 8 answers · asked by tom 4

2007-04-25 09:50:46 · 3 answers · asked by Miss Understood 2

2007-04-25 09:28:26 · 3 answers · asked by OL PHART (spelled with a little class) 1

2007-04-25 09:10:24 · 10 answers · asked by JD 2

A man held up a picture of another man. He said, "The dad of this person is my dad's son" (The man who held up the picture is a only child, and the "dad's son" is an only child also.) Please solve this, and if u know the answer, tell that too.

2007-04-25 09:09:39 · 13 answers · asked by MaRyLiZ 1

take a look at this and tell me what you think. I thought it was pretty funny

http://azuretek.com/sa/pool.swf

2007-04-25 09:08:16 · 10 answers · asked by bernman101 6

okay I like this guy, he says he doesn't like me but omg yesh he does!!!!! he ALWAYSSS flits with me nd makes me laugh. but the thing is... he is 2 imbaressed to go out with me in bublic because his friends will make fun of him..... :-{

2007-04-25 09:06:15 · 7 answers · asked by A+k=<3 1

I meen seriusly how do u say "hi" in american but I can't say hi! okay bye!♥

[p.s. this is a joke!!]
he he!

2007-04-25 08:58:03 · 14 answers · asked by A+k=<3 1