Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-06 11:45:21 · 6 answers · asked by msredbonel1 2

A blonde and a bruenett jump off a bridge, who lands first?

The bruenett because the blonde stopped to ask for directions!

i would know i am a blonde i would walk around with a pencil in my mouth and say wheres my pencil! ( i did that b4 LOL)

2007-01-06 11:36:10 · 7 answers · asked by iluvtigger12 1

2007-01-06 11:36:03 · 15 answers · asked by for a pound 1

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all.
Whew!
Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

2007-01-06 11:35:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

to a blonde with no arms and no legs?




nice rack

2007-01-06 11:31:57 · 3 answers · asked by homo.jesus 2

She chocked!!!


this has to be the funniest joke ever

2007-01-06 11:29:53 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-06 11:28:09 · 8 answers · asked by osesame3 1

2007-01-06 11:25:13 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

January 6, 2007

- San Jose - Apple ComputerCompany

"AppleComputer announced today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them."

2007-01-06 11:25:06 · 5 answers · asked by FaerieWhings 7

too be sure,too be sure.

2007-01-06 11:23:58 · 20 answers · asked by wilbur2lot 3

A forty year-old man was experiencing a lag in his love life. He therefore went to a sex therapist for advice.

After a brief session of asking questions and discussing his sex life up until now, the man asked the therapist what he could do to spice things up at home with the wife.

"Well," the therapist said, "you could try this: Go to the grocery store on your way home and pick up a box of doughnuts. Get some cherries, too. When you get home, use them to play a kinky game with your wife. Have her toss a few doughnuts onto your "love pole," while you flick the cherries into her "hole."

The man does just this.

After a while, his sex life spices back up again. He therefore tells his friend about his experience with the sex therapist. Having a lag in his sex life as well, his friend goes to the same sex therapist for advice.

"Hey," he told the sex therapist. "I heard that you really helped my friend out with his love life. Could you help me, too?"
(will be continued)

2007-01-06 11:23:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.
The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again:
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

2007-01-06 11:20:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://images5.theimagehosting.com/Upload10th.jpg

He has bullied me quite a bit

2007-01-06 11:17:19 · 11 answers · asked by Bob 1

2007-01-06 11:16:29 · 10 answers · asked by c.raymero 2

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

2007-01-06 11:12:46 · 22 answers · asked by a m 4

Just a reminder........

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

2007-01-06 11:06:51 · 18 answers · asked by jonny boy 2

leroy unbongo a little nigerian boy with no arms or legs has been crowned world fancy dress champion,he stuck a piece of string up his bum and went as a conker...hahahaha now thats funny!!!!

2007-01-06 11:05:26 · 5 answers · asked by linzi g 1

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a b****."

Priest : "Now why did you call him a son of a b**** my child?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a b**** my child."

Girl : "…but, but then he touched my breasts."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he caresses her breasts)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "Surely, that's no reason to call him a son of a b**** my child."

Girl : "…but, but then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a b****."

Girl : "…but, but then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest : "Like thisss?" (as he sticks his you know what into her you know where)

Girl : "OH YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest : "…but that's no reason to call him a son of a b****."

Girl : "…but, but father, he had AIDS!"

Priest : "DAMN THAT SON OF A B****!!!"

2007-01-06 11:02:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

2007-01-06 10:59:12 · 17 answers · asked by jonny boy 2

I don't even know if there is an answer to this question but it was asked to me and really has me curious

2007-01-06 10:46:01 · 8 answers · asked by cstern444 1

2007-01-06 10:44:55 · 11 answers · asked by omariangel2000 1

It would be so fun!

2007-01-06 10:27:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy comes home from school one day and is sad and forlorn ...

His father asks, "Son, what's the matter ... what's with the long face?"

The little boy says, "I'm sad because I didn't win the spelling bee today..."

"Son, maybe I can help you ...what word did you miss .. heh?"

"Posse..."

The father sighed, "Well, hell son, no wonder ... you don't even know how to pronounce it!"

2007-01-06 10:17:37 · 15 answers · asked by a m 4

they can and should be innappropriate. some examples are "69 with Grams" "Mike Hawk" and "Popa *****"

any others?

2007-01-06 10:09:31 · 13 answers · asked by Finish 1

2007-01-06 10:05:14 · 13 answers · asked by Bee 4

2007-01-06 10:01:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

to proud to pick the cotton out of the container

2007-01-06 09:57:30 · 13 answers · asked by cmann70726 3

califorina had first pick

2007-01-06 09:53:54 · 5 answers · asked by cmann70726 3

is he playing chinese checkers with you?

2007-01-06 09:52:20 · 7 answers · asked by homo.jesus 2

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

2007-01-06 09:52:09 · 13 answers · asked by Nafertiti 2