Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i206/ronaldostepovers/eyedoctor.jpg?t=1168528308

2007-01-11 02:12:04 · 10 answers · asked by Puma 4

Preety got it! The man is a firefighter who rushed in to save the museum. Cool!

2007-01-11 02:10:51 · 6 answers · asked by tranquility_base3@yahoo.com 5

I feel like I'm the only person in the world that doesn't know how this joke ends because everytime I see someone about to say it, someone else cuts them off!! Is it that bad??

There once was a man from nantucket.........

2007-01-11 02:08:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

whats brown and sticky?
whats white and salty?
what do cows drink?
what do you put in a toaster?

2007-01-11 02:05:51 · 21 answers · asked by Pinki 2

>>>>>The doctor calls his patient by telephone
>>>>>"Vera, i have good news and bad news."
>>>>>"Well then,...... tell me the good news first."
>>>>>"The result of the analysis indicate that you have 24 hours to live."
>>>>>"Well, that's the good news? Then what's the bad news?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>"That i have been trying to reach u since yesterday."

2007-01-11 02:04:07 · 9 answers · asked by jules 3

A man walks in to the Psychiatrist's office wearing a pancake for a hat, eggs on his shoulders, and bacon dangling from his ears and says, " I need to talk to you about my sister."

2007-01-11 02:00:53 · 15 answers · asked by vince_tatum 1

the attendant does`nt hear her properly and says "come again"?.
The blonde blushes and says
"no It`s only mustard this time"

2007-01-11 01:57:14 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q. Who made the female body?

A. The Council of course!, who else would put a Play-area near a sh*t hole?

Jit

2007-01-11 01:55:30 · 19 answers · asked by Jit 1

there was i thinking i was cheering you lot out there up with my jokes now i have to cool my jokes down
recieving violation notices
sorry if i offended any one

2007-01-11 01:41:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-11 01:37:08 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

He shouts to the monkey-'Oi you don't need a tin opener to peel a banana!!'
The monkey shouts back-'Fcuk off-it's for the custard!'

2007-01-11 01:35:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need to noe the answers to this question...

2007-01-11 01:31:57 · 7 answers · asked by who c 1

I love him!!!What is your favorite Johnny Depp movie and why??What do you like about him?

2007-01-11 01:19:23 · 17 answers · asked by Cathy 4

2007-01-11 01:18:25 · 31 answers · asked by Adam C 2

Does anyone know his whereabouts and does anyone remember the song Where's Captain Kirk?-think it was late 70s/early 80s by either the Mekons or Spizz Oil!!

2007-01-11 01:16:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-11 01:10:35 · 5 answers · asked by It's Me 5

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.

Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"

2007-01-11 01:10:33 · 9 answers · asked by JudasHero 5

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little from time-to-time, but not enough to live on

2007-01-11 01:10:05 · 18 answers · asked by ztt_66 2

2007-01-11 01:09:02 · 9 answers · asked by rebecca b 1

2007-01-11 01:08:26 · 5 answers · asked by junkhead 1

If you are, can you think of some funny/strange/comical/weird/humorous/clever answers to the following questions?
1. Where are you from?
2. What do you do?/What's your job?
3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
4. How long have you been...? (ex: living here? studying Spanish?)
5. How old are you?

2007-01-11 01:02:42 · 3 answers · asked by JudasHero 5

if you get it right i will choose you as best ansewer

2007-01-11 00:58:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes...

Hello,
> I hope you have a safe and blessed Week. Please read to the end!


> Sometimes...
>
> when you cry...
>
> no one sees your tears.
>
>
>
> Sometimes...
>
> when you are in pain...
>
> no one sees your hurt.
>
>
>
> Sometimes...
>
> when you are worried..
>
> no one sees your stress.
>
>
>
> Sometimes...
>
> when you are happy..
>
> no one sees your smile.
>
>
>
> But FART!! just ONE time...
>
>
> And everybody knows!! Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of
> those heart-touching stories!

2007-01-11 00:55:50 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London; a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan.
The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque.
"But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted.
The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave.
Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food.
"But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted.
This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go.
Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so........
Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem...jus gimme mi change!"

2007-01-11 00:44:33 · 18 answers · asked by ztt_66 2

how far can a dog walk into the woods? first person 2 get it gets 10pts

2007-01-11 00:42:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

jogging home from your vasectomy

2007-01-11 00:28:45 · 9 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

It's not hard

2007-01-11 00:26:11 · 14 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat

2007-01-11 00:25:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

guess occupation

2007-01-11 00:22:56 · 10 answers · asked by leo 1

At one of the last all-girl schools in Dallas, Texas, years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant gentlemen.


"Remain seated in the pickup truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you," said the female instructor.


Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant ordering his steak, don't wait any longer or you'll go home hungry."

2007-01-11 00:22:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous