Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

i have searched 4 it everywhere now i want the help i ilked hrithik's dance that was really cool and wasn't the movie also cool

2006-12-14 02:02:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... Helllloooo!!! Bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!


March - Got really excited! Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ... box said "2-4 years!"


April - Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!


May - Tried to make Kool-Aid ... wrong instructions on packet ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!


June - Tried to go water skiing ... Bummer ... couldn't find a lake with a slope.


July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!


August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft-top was open.


September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??


October - Hate M &M's .... they are so hard to peel.


November - Burned turkey. Baked it for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!


December - Couldn't call 911 ..."duh" ... like there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!


What a year!!

2006-12-14 01:53:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-14 01:50:34 · 8 answers · asked by tipperary 1

This question was on a quiz show on tv last week and no one appeasd to get it correct, does anyone know their answer to this?

2006-12-14 01:49:07 · 10 answers · asked by poo 1

2006-12-14 01:48:28 · 11 answers · asked by Mr. McClean 3

You cross an Anteater with a Lady toy?


An Armourdildo!

2006-12-14 01:48:01 · 16 answers · asked by Sir Sidney Snot 6

ITALIAN GUY,"When i finish making aluv to my girlafriend i go down ana gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6inch above de bed in ecstasy.
FRENCH MAN, zatis nothing,wen i finish wiv ze girl i kiss her all ze way down her body zen lick ze soles of ze feet, she floats 12inch above ze bed in ecstasy.
ENGLISHMAN, wen i'm dun riding our lass i get out of bed n wipe me self on the curtains, she hits the f***in roof!

2006-12-14 01:34:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would you say it was vergin' on the ridiculous?

2006-12-14 01:33:06 · 7 answers · asked by moblet 4

Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.oooooo

2006-12-14 01:32:59 · 9 answers · asked by 123456789thechampofalll987654321 1

This guy arrives home to find his wife waiting for him by the door. "And what time do you call this," she starts angrily, "You went down to the take away three hours ago, and now you stagger back here stinking of booze, with no food!"

"Look," the guy responds calmly, "How do you fancy a chicken vindaloo, rice, bombay potatoes, and a chapatti?"

"Oh, all right then." his now really hungry wife agrees.

"Fine." He says, and throws up all over her!

2006-12-14 01:26:32 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2

Two men bob and bill go on holiday 2 las vegas.
They were walking down the street
Soon they see a ice cream parlour ANY FLAVOUR ICE CREAMS so they decide to stop and indulge.
Bob ask the man in the Ice cream shop...surely u cant possibly make any flavour.
Yes sir any flavour u like the man replies.
bob turn to bill and says ill f##k him bill.
bob turns to the bloke in the parlour and says id like a steak and kidney flavour ice cream please.
ok sir the man replies turns and starts fiddlin in his freezer and pulls out an ice cream and hands it to the man.
Bob trys it and eer that jus tastes like kidney.
turn it around replies the man.
Unbelieveable says bob that side does taste jus like steak.
bill not accepting defeat that easily says ok mate i want a ***** flavour ice cream.
Easy says the man dips back in his freezer and pulls out another ice cream and hands it to bill.
Bill licks it and spit it out errrr that taste like sh!t.
Turn it around replies the man

2006-12-14 01:26:12 · 15 answers · asked by ross s 2

2006-12-14 01:21:08 · 43 answers · asked by duffer 1

2006-12-14 01:13:53 · 13 answers · asked by Kain 5

2006-12-14 01:07:59 · 36 answers · asked by Kain 5

There is a dyslexic Santa on the loose in Ipswich.
He keeps leaving Prozzies under a tree.

2006-12-14 01:07:39 · 22 answers · asked by Great Eskape 5

fella walks into a bar one day and there is a dog laying on the floor next to its owners feet,and the dog is licking its testicles,and the fella says to the dogs owner i wish i could do that,and the dogs owner replies,well give him a biscuit and he will let you,,

2006-12-14 01:07:24 · 11 answers · asked by blu.boy 2

A hedge hog swears, "The whole world is false! Dammit!" and dismounts from a cactus.

2006-12-14 00:56:55 · 6 answers · asked by Бадьгаа 1

She said she wanted a double entendre...Should i give her one?

2006-12-14 00:53:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

E.T had his own bike & he wanted to go home

2006-12-14 00:43:18 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-14 00:43:15 · 7 answers · asked by Brent W 1

Black men run faster than white men in running events of Olympic Games. And white men shoot sharper than anyone in Olympic Games. Why are these so? Any idea?

2006-12-14 00:39:15 · 11 answers · asked by Бадьгаа 1

2006-12-14 00:38:20 · 15 answers · asked by Fallen Angel 4

I think they get sent to afghanistan and they use them to roll joints

2006-12-14 00:37:48 · 9 answers · asked by Cyrill sneer 2

I serisously have always wanted to know.

2006-12-14 00:36:22 · 9 answers · asked by blondemoments181 1

Paddy's wife was furiously humping away with her husband's best mate, Mick, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation.
"Who was it?" the back stabbing buddy asked.
"Oh, that was Paddy," she replied calmly.
"Oh b*ll*cks, I'd better f*ck off then!" he said. "Did Paddy say where he was?"
"Yeah! -- he's down at the pub playing a few games of darts with you."

2006-12-14 00:26:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer,"

The ostrich says "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last orders, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man.

"Same for me" says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

2006-12-14 00:18:25 · 24 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-12-14 00:17:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

just heard this on the radio, has anyone the answer?. its not santa, presents or holly

2006-12-14 00:16:48 · 28 answers · asked by Stiuf 1

2006-12-14 00:12:33 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly
irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how
horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could
have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his
friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so
terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did
you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife
in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the
gun on himself!"
"That’s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it
have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I’d
be dead now!"

2006-12-14 00:01:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous