Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

should he do some time, is trix for kids, did the rabbit finally get his revenge, you decide

2006-11-14 12:48:06 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a plane crash at the border of united states and canada, where did they bury the survivors?

2006-11-14 12:41:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

In what time will four fountans, being let loose together, fill a cistern, which they would separately fill in a day, in half a day, in a quarter and in a fifth part of a day?

2006-11-14 12:34:43 · 7 answers · asked by llarsen78 1

i think math is green but my friend says yellow. it sounds dumb but we started a big fight over it

2006-11-14 12:27:20 · 23 answers · asked by johnny 1

2006-11-14 12:26:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little girl comes home from playing next door with Billy and says, "Mummy, Billy's willy is just like a peanut."

Mother says, "what do you mean honey! You mean it's really tiny?"

Little girl, "No, it tastes salty"

2006-11-14 12:24:30 · 14 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."

The nun agreed. Just a moment later, two Military Police Officers came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"

The nun, pointing to her left, replied "He went that way."

After the Officer's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq and join in the war."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....you see, I don't want to go to Iraq either…"

2006-11-14 12:16:42 · 24 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.


At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.

After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.

"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.

"You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.

"I didn't have to," the elder physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill."

"That's pretty sneaky," commented the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"

"I don't suppose it could hurt anything," the elder physician replied.

At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.

"I've felt terribly run down lately," the widow replied. "I just don`t have as much energy as I used to."

"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder physician said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?"

"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!"

2006-11-14 12:16:40 · 8 answers · asked by stone 4

2006-11-14 12:15:45 · 24 answers · asked by johnny 1

so theres 9 bags of gold and they all look the same but only one has real gold in it so the differance is the weight. theres a scale he can use but he can only use it twice becuase hes triggered the alarm and the cops are coming. At the end he gets away with the right bag of real gold. How does he do it??? PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS PROBLEM BECUASE I'LL GET IN TROUBLE IF I DONT FIGURE IT OUT!!! THANKS!!
pS HE CANT USE HIS HANDS TO WEIGHT IT AND I CAN CHEAT!!!!.........

2006-11-14 11:56:15 · 4 answers · asked by °~°sØccer_GÏrl°~° 1

Would you rather: a) Earn $1,000.00 a day for a month?
or
b) start with 1 penny and double it each day for
30 days?

2006-11-14 11:53:25 · 9 answers · asked by G-Man 3

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot and found a
large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out
with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its
face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen,
thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant
trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenage son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned
and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off
the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if
this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed
over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to
the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing,
killing him.









Probably wasn't the same elephant.

2006-11-14 11:52:31 · 17 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2006-11-14 11:41:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hi everyone, its my friends Birthday and she's gona be 23. Just wondering if anyone can post some funny messages that I can put on the Birthday card.

Thanx

2006-11-14 11:41:04 · 12 answers · asked by Mr. 4

I went to prove it to another wasp expert and he played me a tape of three different buzzing sounds each one slightly different, i didn't recognise any of them as the european wasp so i aksed him if he had the tape on the right side he said he did but went to check when he returned he said "it appears you are right i had it on the B (bee) side"

2006-11-14 11:39:09 · 8 answers · asked by Sarah S 3

2006-11-14 11:31:48 · 7 answers · asked by rsbdkaise 3

my mate down the pub the other day. He said I was at the sperm bank today, I see your wife has got a job there. Yes I told him she is only part time but she seems to like it. He said tell you what shes a funny one isn't she?. How do you mean I asked him?. Well at first I thought she wasn't going to let go of my ****, and secondly I thought she wasn't going to spit it out. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-14 11:28:27 · 10 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Funny Joke - A bunch of high school students hang out at a nearby restaurant. Their names are Jessey, Kelly, Lisa, Zack, Slater and Screech. They all attend a high school called Bayside High, and you suddenly realize that it's a tv show called "Saved By The Bell!"

rate my joke pls. and if you like my joke and want to read my other ones, click my name and read them. thanks! :)

2006-11-14 11:18:04 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want to know the statistics. it will help if some blonde women also answer this question.

2006-11-14 11:17:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anthony B 1

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered
a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I
just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
“What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm
celebrating."
“This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says
the woman
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,
"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years
all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying
fertilized eggs."
“That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become
fertile?"
I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

2006-11-14 11:17:46 · 9 answers · asked by Melisa H 2

2006-11-14 11:16:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q. What did the chicken do when it lost its egg?
A. It went to go look for it.

Q. Why was the chicken scared of the duck?
A. Because it was chicken

Q.Why can't chickens fly?
A. Because they don't want to

Q.Why can't chickens swim?
A. Because they don't want to

Q. Whey do chickens cluck?
A. Because they want to

Q. Why did the chicken jump on top of a car?
A. Because it knows how

Q. Why doesn't a chicken have hands?
A. Because it's not human

Q. What did the chicken dream about?
A. Chicken dreams

Q. Why was the chicken lost?
A. Because it wasn't found

Q. Why wasn't the chicken afriad of the dog?
A. Because the chicken was blind

Q. Why doesn't the chicken know how to drive a car
A. Because they don't need to

2006-11-14 11:11:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A white elderly ex-convict woman asks you to join her everyday while she cooks, makes crafts, and chats with her rich friends. And every morning she tells you "I'm Martha Stewart, thank you for tuning in to my show!"

rate my joke. and if you like my joke, click my name to see all my other funny jokes. Thanks!

2006-11-14 11:09:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is hilarious-----> http://youtube.com/watch?v=rAmZxNUr6eU

2006-11-14 11:04:22 · 5 answers · asked by choosinghappiness 5

An Asian man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Asian man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. The Asian man doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen"

The clerk replies, "Fluctuations." As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!"

2006-11-14 11:01:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that
it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the
salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95

Shopping Barbie for $19.95

Beach Barbie for $19.95

Disco Barbie for $19.95

Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers :

"Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,

Ken's House,

Ken's Boat,

Ken's Furniture,

Ken's Computer and...

One of Ken's Friends.

2006-11-14 10:59:10 · 13 answers · asked by choosinghappiness 5

There was this Native American boy who was
confused so this is what he asked his mother:
Mom, why is my brother's name Windstorm?

She answered: Because he was conceived during
a wind storm.

Well, why is my sister's name Moon-shine? She
answered again: Because she was conceived when
the moon was shining.

The poor little boy looked sad and confused.

His mother said, ''Why are you so sad and confused
Brokenrubber?''

2006-11-14 10:55:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

a chap at work is always on the ponce, he makes out he knows it all but dont, i have what he needs but he lied so i not give, this bugs him, i have also got the means to anoy him with out him ever finding out it me, and when i do this he flips out, which makes me smile.
the question is can i be bothered to waste my time but then it does make me smile.
what would you do?

2006-11-14 10:55:10 · 7 answers · asked by The Crow Tribe Awakkule 4

WHAT DO U THINK ABOUTH THIS JOKE/ RIDDLE.

2006-11-14 10:51:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-14 10:46:00 · 11 answers · asked by ? 5