Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:

You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter that I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I will be home before midnight.

When he arrived at the hotel, there a fax was waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, my love, do not wait up!

2006-11-14 16:38:21 · 29 answers · asked by Electric 7

Little Jhonny................


Little Jhonny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Jhonny was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Jhonny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Jhonny, of course, thought he did.
Jhonny 's mother, wanted Jhonny to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Jhonny, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Jhonny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Jhonny

Jhonny knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Jhonny . I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my Birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Jhonny

Jhonny knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Jhonny

Jhonny knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Jhonny wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Jhonny

Jhonny knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Jhonny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Jhonny's mother thought her plan had worked, as Jhonny looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner,"
Jhonny's mother told him.

Jhonny walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Jhonny went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Jhonny bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Jhonny began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5


God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,
SEND THE BIKE

2006-11-14 16:19:31 · 26 answers · asked by keekee 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEz97M_st0k
wtahc that video, its really funny
poor girls taking latin

2006-11-14 16:12:53 · 8 answers · asked by bionca 3

Like does your first, middle and last name initial end up making a word? If not, do you know anybody who has?
For example, Richard Ivan Peterson= R.I.P (creepy)
That's why parents need to think about this before naming their kids.

2006-11-14 15:51:40 · 20 answers · asked by Pedro Xavier Ramirez 2

2006-11-14 15:49:27 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is funny----> http://youtube.com/watch?v=GJeCjtWy1As&mode=related&search=

(Let me know what you think)

2006-11-14 15:48:34 · 5 answers · asked by Pedro Xavier Ramirez 2

2006-11-14 15:43:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you had only one match and entered a room in which there was a kerosene lamp, an oil heater, and a wood burning stove, which would you light first? I know what I would do lets see what you think. I will post my answer in a few.

2006-11-14 15:43:30 · 9 answers · asked by hapymom03 3

if a man leaves home and makes three left turns and find himself back at home, why isn't he not surpise there is a man with a mask on to greet him?

2006-11-14 15:41:12 · 12 answers · asked by trey 1

2006-11-14 15:35:05 · 13 answers · asked by betsywilcox_40371 2

I would want to talk to walls, walls know everything...and I would also like to be invisible...

2006-11-14 15:35:02 · 16 answers · asked by dudette 3

A really skinny blonde sips her coffee every morning and talks about the news with a man who is in his 70's. She is very perky and talkative, and everymorning before she sits down with the man to chat away, a sign comes on that says "Live with Regis and Kelly!"

rate my joke & if u like it and want to read other 1s, click my name.

2006-11-14 15:25:04 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a chair. The chair, have shoes. The chair is walking...lalala...he walk on the street...the chair is walking!!!!

I like you, do you like my joke???


Chenqui.

2006-11-14 15:22:49 · 6 answers · asked by Sonny D 1

Please nothing dirty. You know there are minors here. Please make a good effort.

2006-11-14 15:18:08 · 13 answers · asked by CK 3

2006-11-14 14:50:57 · 38 answers · asked by antiarck 1

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in
the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is
hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for.

EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've
given you the third word. What is it? _______gry?

2006-11-14 14:41:39 · 19 answers · asked by Babyfaceboy 1

i still cant figure it out, i can whistle regularly, with two fingers, but i cant whistle like a bird. please help.

2006-11-14 14:30:50 · 10 answers · asked by Swazy 2

Ok, my friend told me this. Supposidly, there's no answer to it:

There was this girl, and tonight she was going on a date w/ her boyfriend, and he was NEVER late. So, 30 minutes passed, so she got a little worried, and called him. He said "I'll be there in 30 minutes." So, a couple minutes later, her parents left on a date, so she was alone. 30 minutes passed, and he didn't show. She started petting her dog, and she got up and called his cell. There was no answer. So, she sat down and pet her dog more. Then she heard: drip, drip, drip. She went to the downstairs bathroom, looked, but saw no leaks. She sat down and pet her dog some more. Then she heard the dripping louder: drip, drip, drip! She looked in the kitchen, and saw nothing. Now, she frantically pet her dog, and heard it louder than ever: DRIP! DRIP! DRIP! She went in the upstairs bathroom, and saw her dog hanging from the celing.

Questions: Where was her boyfriend, and what was she petting? Best of luck!

2006-11-14 14:20:58 · 18 answers · asked by taylor ! 4

A boss wondered why one of his most valued and reliable employees one day failed to appear at work but had not phoned in sick. He dialled the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

.............."ME!"

2006-11-14 14:13:29 · 23 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2006-11-14 14:07:50 · 8 answers · asked by austin b 1

2006-11-14 14:07:10 · 9 answers · asked by Mark Antony 3

2006-11-14 14:00:35 · 11 answers · asked by loulou30 2

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she lays the duck
on the examination table the vet pulls out his stethoscope and listens to the
duck's chest for signs of life. After a few moments the vet shakes his head and
turns to the woman and says sadly, "I'm sorry but the duck has passed away."

The distressed owner wails, "Are you sure?"
"Yes of course am sure. The duck is dead," he replies.

"How can you be so sure?" she protests. "I mean you haven't done any testing
- he might be in a coma or something."

The vet rolls his eyes and leaves the room. He returns with a black Labrador. As
the duck's owner looks in amazement, the dog stands on his hind legs, puts his
front paws on the examination table and sniffs the duck from top to bottom.
He then looks at the vet and with sad eyes shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes him out and returns a few moments
later with a cat. The cat jumps up on the table and also sniffs the duck from
its beak to its tail at the back end and back again. The cat sits and shakes its
head and meows softly, jumps down from the examination table and strolls out of
the examination room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, "I am sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turns to his computer terminal and after hitting a few keys a bill is
printed off, which he hands to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock,
takes the bill. "£450!" she cries. "£450 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugs. "If you had accepted my word for it, the bill would have been
only £30.

But with the lab report and the cat scan - it all adds up."

2006-11-14 13:59:20 · 14 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

I've been looking all week at the library of congress, but will noone will tell me.

2006-11-14 13:51:54 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-14 13:42:58 · 3 answers · asked by diSota 2

2006-11-14 13:27:50 · 9 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

i heard about this prank. you freeze a can of shaving cream in liquid nitrogen. then you peel away the can, and quickly put the shaving cream in a car, or someones room. it will expand very rapidly as it warms up 2 cans can fill a whole car.

2006-11-14 13:21:58 · 5 answers · asked by Until It Sleeps 2

i heard about this prank. you freeze a can of shaving cream in liquid nitrogen. then you peel away the can, and quickly put the shaving cream in a car, or someones room. it will expand very rapidly as it warms up 2 cans can fill a whole car. does it work? is thus true?

2006-11-14 13:07:31 · 6 answers · asked by Until It Sleeps 2

funny

2006-11-14 13:04:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

And we have the results

2006-11-14 12:49:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous