Please nothing dirty. You know there are minors here. Please make a good effort.
2006-11-14 15:18:08 · 13 answers · asked by CK 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except Martinez, who had his hand up, "Patrick Henry 1775."
"Very Good"! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth? "
Again, no response except for Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." he said.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do".
She heard a loud whisper. "Screw the Mexicans" "Who said that?" she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie. 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said. "I'm gonna puke".
The teacher glares, and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Martinez says "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister. 1991"
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this! "
Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky. 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. if you say anything I'll kill you."
Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher fainted. and as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in Big trouble!"
Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003"
2006-11-14 16:42:56 · answer #1 · answered by Electric 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have eight jokes I can think of . Number eight is the one I made up.
1. What do you call a Karate Pig? A Pork Chop.
2. Why did Tigger the tiger look in the toilet? To find Poo.
3. What do you call a one eye deer? I have no I deal.
4. Did you know that a race car is spell backward as racecar?
5. What do you call a football dog? A golden receiver.
6. What does a cat loves to read? a catalog.
7. What does a tree love to drink? root beer.
8. What do you call a ice wedding? Hail Mary.
2006-11-14 23:38:38 · answer #2 · answered by kedahoe1987 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Little Susie was in Sunday School reading silently to herself a portion of the Old Testament describing Jonah's encounter with the whale. The Sunday School teacher passed by Susie's desk and asked, "Susie, what are you reading?"
Susie responded, "I'm reading about how Jonah was swallowed by the whale."
The teacher replied, "But, Susie, you can't take everything you read literally. The whale is a large mammal, but its gullet is not large enough to let a grown man pass through to the stomach."
"But it's in the Bible that way, Miss Hamilton, and everything in the Bible is true. Tell you what. When I see Jonah in heaven, I'll ask him whether the account in the Bible is literally true or not."
"OK," replied the teacher, and then added, mischievously, "but what if by some chance Jonah should end up in hell?"
"Then you can ask him," replied Susie without missing a beat.
On another Sunday, Susie was sitting at her desk drawing a picture and painting it with watercolors. Her teacher, Mr. Jones, passed by her desk and asked, "Susie, what are you drawing?"
"I'm drawing a picture of God," replied Susie.
"But you can't do that; nobody knows what God looks like," the teacher said.
"They will in a minute," replied Susie.
2006-11-14 23:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man goes into a bar and sits next to this drunk guy, so the drunk guy tells the guy, Hey you know that on top of this roof there is a wind draft that goes upward so the guy tells him so what well the drunk replies if you jumps off the building the draft brings you back up. oh really exclaims the guy yeah replies the drunk I will show you so now the guy is excited they both go up the roof and the drunk jumps off and as he is about half way down he just flies back up WOW the guy exclaims let me try it drunk says go ahead so the guy jumps off and splat hits the floor drunk goes back laughing into the bar tells the bartender got another one bartender tells the drunk "man superman you are mean drunk."
2006-11-14 23:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by daisy r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man was at the gas station pumping gas
His girlfriend got out the car and lit a cigarette
The mans arm caught on fire
When the police and fire department arrived on the scene the man was issued a ticket.
Guess why:::
2006-11-14 23:28:38 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. Chayel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry sir, we don't serve mushrooms here." The musroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"
Corny, I know, but one of my favorites.
2006-11-14 23:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by reeba202 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
2006-11-14 23:24:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma so stupid she married ur dad and had U. its just a joke its not real K.
2006-11-14 23:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by Tiana A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you mess with the bean you get the burrito
2006-11-14 23:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by Josh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WATS BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER???
a sunburned penguin.
I KNOW ITS PRETTY LAME BUT IT STUMPS TONS OF PEOPLE(EVEN MY DAD)THEY USUALLY SAY A NEWSPAPER.
2006-11-14 23:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by Hannah Boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋