Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

When all the sudden i hear this little voice,saying hello,ilook everywhere but all i see is this little ANT,i said can you talk,the ant says yes i can,some how i was giving the power of speach,well let me tell you me and this ant form a friendship you would not believe,i taught him how to do tricks,i got a match box and keep him there,we were best buds,after eight years i'm getting out of jail,the day i get out,i can't wait to show this ant off,i go in to the first bar i see, and i call the bartender over,i open the match box,i tell the bartender see that ant,the bartender bangs it with his fist,and say's yea what about it.

2006-10-24 13:28:32 · 17 answers · asked by kman1830 5

Bored of "You might be a redneck if..."

Americans - do a bit of research into what a chav is

2006-10-24 13:27:39 · 12 answers · asked by puggtiracer 3

this message is soppsed to mean somthing, maybe just 1 word may not be very nice! jeuts gudrt yawtr pigy yeht judt beop fuk fuk pigy hyuer deyu sedyulksajrfpwaieFkerpaOhg;e

2006-10-24 13:21:04 · 3 answers · asked by Eligh 4

I was late for work one day and speeding down the highway and a state trooper pulled me over.

State trooper: What's the rush?

Driver: I'm very late for work.

State trooper: This must be some important job to be driving so fast.

Driver: Oh it is officer, I'm a A$$hole stretcher.

State trooper: Uhh WHAT??

Driver: Yeah, I take a regular size A$$hole and start working it little by little and stretch it out 6 feet.

State trooper: Now what do you do with a 6 foot A$$hole?

Driver: You give it a radar gun and put it on the side of the highway.

2006-10-24 13:20:04 · 20 answers · asked by rsxtreme_2002 1

replacment for cusswords:lets grab our "SHEEP" and get the "FLOCK"outta here!

2006-10-24 13:09:40 · 28 answers · asked by . 2

He was buying his first phrophylactic. The clerk told him it would cost one dollar. And seven cents for tax.
"Tacks, the little boy said. Is that how you keep it on?"

2006-10-24 13:00:53 · 10 answers · asked by ? 4

because when they scratch off the dot, they might win a 7-11 store.

2006-10-24 12:57:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An asprin held firmly between the knees all night long

2006-10-24 12:54:16 · 8 answers · asked by barrettins 3

answer: Her legs

2006-10-24 12:50:13 · 9 answers · asked by rsxtreme_2002 1

2006-10-24 12:49:16 · 14 answers · asked by baby carol 2

He came to one house where a woman had been drinking gin and tonic since noon.She opened the door and said,"Ah little boy. You look like a pirate. But where are your buccaneers?"The little boy stared at her and took off his little pirate hat. And said,"Right here lady. Where are your buckin' eyes?"

2006-10-24 12:47:28 · 5 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-10-24 12:45:40 · 16 answers · asked by Kango Man 5

why are all the blond jokes about blond women?, i never seen one with a blond man. surly women think its sexist, im a guy and i think thats damn right sexist!
even though women are dumb.

why do women have smaller feet?











































































































































































































































































































































































so they can get closer to the kitchen appliencies.

2006-10-24 12:37:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

has any one got any blond jokes as i find them so funny and i love them big time

2006-10-24 12:37:02 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

done........hahhahahahhaha

2006-10-24 12:32:04 · 19 answers · asked by stone cold 4

2006-10-24 12:29:17 · 9 answers · asked by Navi Johal 1

2006-10-24 12:21:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What words do I use to call my 2 dogs to dinner? The names of the dogs are Kibbles and Bits.
The answer is a creation of Alpo!

2006-10-24 12:19:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

how does a blond know if she is flat chested??????????





all the bumps she sees are her knees!

2006-10-24 12:14:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine,
poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.

2006-10-24 12:13:19 · 22 answers · asked by Citizen 1

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine,
poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.

2006-10-24 12:12:52 · 9 answers · asked by Citizen 1

The doctor needed a ____ to be ____ to operate on the person.

2006-10-24 11:52:06 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

White bird, Featherless, flyin out o paradise, flyin over sea and land, dying in my hand, What is it?

2006-10-24 11:49:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-24 11:49:04 · 9 answers · asked by randylow 2

Miley was out of town today,she stayed in her friends house.they were watching a movie with mileys dog,when the lights turned off.miley felt a hand in the back of her head.when she toched the back of her head there was nothing.miley's friend started to scream.

she died.

5 years later.

miley lived in her friends house,she took care of her dog and her sister too.one day miley and the little sister were watching a movie with the dog when the lights turned off.miley felt a hand in the back of her head again she toched her head and nothing.the little sister started to scream.

she died.

1 year later.

now miley took care of her friends dog.
miley and the dog were watching a movie when the lights turned off she felt a hand in the back of her head.
"oh ****,now your gona take the dog aren't cha and then leave me to take care of something else and then a scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

miley died.

the dog looks at the dead body and

s

m

i

l

e

y.

2006-10-24 11:43:52 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-24 11:30:15 · 3 answers · asked by sharon h 1

Why did the blonde go to KFC?
She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99

2006-10-24 11:22:43 · 22 answers · asked by ╔═♠═╗ ♣777♣ ╚═♠═╝ 4

Okay i was kidding with one of my friends and i said "Hey if ice-cream melts does that make it water cream"? I was joking of course and she said "No water is a compound for 2 hydrogen for every 1 oxygen i believe its a covalent bond although im not quite sure but visscosity has some due to the tempreature".

Pssss She probably couldent tell i was joking but if she didnt think that then she must of thought i was very stupid.

2006-10-24 11:12:40 · 13 answers · asked by popstar452003 2

Did you know that his favourite song was "I'm forever blowing bubbles" ?

2006-10-24 11:12:02 · 13 answers · asked by dobbinesque 2

Plane: Rocket, why do you fly so fast?
Rocket: You will know when your azz is on fire!

2006-10-24 11:09:47 · 11 answers · asked by ╔═♠═╗ ♣777♣ ╚═♠═╝ 4