Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

To be read in an Irish accent....
Paddy and Seamus were walking home from work when they spot a sandwich on the ground wrapped in wire...."I tink it's a bomb" ... "I tink you might be right Paddy" says Seamus; I'll phone the police.
Seamus rings the police and tells them there is a sandwich on the ground wrapped in wire and they tink it could be a bomb.
The police says "is it ticken?" to which Seamus replies "no I tink it's cheese and tomato. :)

2006-10-06 08:06:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one..

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked.

"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."

"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.

The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

2006-10-06 08:01:16 · 16 answers · asked by starburst 1

Can you find me? The answer is in my name you can count on it!
Once you've found me, give me the password.

2006-10-06 08:00:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need a good laugh, anyone have good jokes for me?

2006-10-06 07:56:36 · 4 answers · asked by PaRtYqUeEn 2

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter,
SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the
WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many
characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one
who took our phone book..."

2006-10-06 07:56:21 · 15 answers · asked by X factor 2

okay a little girl run in her house waving a five dollar bill and says mom look i have five dollars.
Her mom is curious so she ask her where she got it.
the little girl says tommy from down the street said he'd give her five dollars if she would do a cartwheel why he was in a tree.
her mom just looked at her and said hunny you know the only reason he did that is to look at your underwear.
the little girl just stood there.
The next day the same girl came running in and said look mom i have ten dollars
well the mom asked where she got it.
well the little girl told her that tommy said if she do a cartwheel while he was in a tree laughing she could have it.
well her mom said you know sweetie
and before she could finish her sentence the girl piped in and said no mommy i tricked him, i didn't wear any panties today!!!!!

2006-10-06 07:52:27 · 20 answers · asked by starburst 1

A buddy of mine is in jail and I would like to send him some jokes to give him a good laugh.... so yeah have at it.

2006-10-06 07:47:24 · 4 answers · asked by Kamunyak 5

okay three ducks were in a pond at midnight and a crime went down that night so the judge asked them to come in. So the first duck came in, the judge asked okay were you at midnight, he the duck said i was blowing bubbles. Well he asked the second duck in and asked the same question, the reply was the same. Well when he asked the third duck in he told him "wait let me guess you were blowing bubbles as well." and he smiled at the judge and said "no sir, i am bubbles!"

2006-10-06 07:38:50 · 12 answers · asked by starburst 1

2006-10-06 07:33:16 · 8 answers · asked by lola 3

What do cattle eat?

2006-10-06 07:14:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who puts ducks into boxes?

2006-10-06 07:13:21 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

The one who made it, didn't want it.
The one who bought it, didn't need it.
The one who used it, never saw it.
What is it?

2006-10-06 07:12:10 · 11 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

How to make gherkins giggle?

2006-10-06 07:11:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little word kinda game...first person with most answers gets 10 points


female film actresses name beginning with M

2006-10-06 07:11:05 · 6 answers · asked by sammydeea 3

What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their politics or religion, agree is between heaven and earth?

2006-10-06 07:08:45 · 12 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?

2006-10-06 07:03:31 · 20 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

A little paper bag was feeling ill and so off he went to the doctors.
Well the Doc did some blood tests and said i'm afraid you are HIV positive.
I can't be i'm just a little paper bag
Well have you been having unprotected sex
No I'm just a little paper bag
Well have you shared needles
No I'm just a little paper bag
Are you a homosexual
No I'm just a little paper bag
well in that case said the Doc
wait for it........................
.........................................
.......................................
.......................................
your mother must be a carrier.......

2006-10-06 07:01:11 · 12 answers · asked by chris w. 7

How do you cruise around a castle?

2006-10-06 06:57:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a woman was standing in the kitchen boiling eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in, "Quick make love to me "she said so he took her there and then over the breakfast table. when he'd finished he said "Thanks darling was you horny," No she said, "the egg timers broke".

2006-10-06 06:45:17 · 13 answers · asked by chris w. 7

What does moonlight make?

2006-10-06 06:19:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call a bunch of bees in the sun

2006-10-06 06:12:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

What are Robert's tears?
hint: nickname for Robert

2006-10-06 06:11:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

all jokes are fine :) lmao!

2006-10-06 06:07:33 · 9 answers · asked by lucytale911 2

hint: the south Louisiana area

2006-10-06 06:03:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is a stretched-out serenade?

2006-10-06 06:02:12 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-06 06:00:12 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-06 05:52:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-06 05:50:47 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

what do u call a deer with no eyes??

2006-10-06 05:33:13 · 3 answers · asked by sugarpie 2

Im in my room ,with a watse basket. My room is about 2 ft away away from toilet. Pros and Cons on barfing in waste basket or toilet.

2006-10-06 05:04:58 · 11 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1