all jokes are fine :) lmao!
2006-10-06 06:07:33 · 9 answers · asked by lucytale911 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Read these in order.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the herd of elephants coming?
Look! Here come a herd of elephants!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the herd of elephants coming while wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
Why did the elephant wear sneakers while jumping from roof to roof?
He didn't want to wake the neighbors.
Why did the elephant wear a green beanie?
So he could crawl across the pool table without being seen.
What is big and gray and comes in quarts?
an elephant, of course.
Yuk! Yuk! Thanks for the points!
2006-10-06 06:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by Yahoo!_Points_Whore 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Here are a few things you have probably never thought about;
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you the take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out
window?
2006-10-06 06:11:44 · answer #2 · answered by Imajica 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
One day God told James since you have done my work so well and you have helped so many come to know me I want to give you anything in the world you want! So James thought hard ans he replied God i want a bridge to Hawaii so I don't have to fly there because as you know i'm really scared of flying. God said James do you know that would take a lot of time,and a lot of concrete to put the support system into the ocean floor not to mention it would have to be hurricane proof is there anything else you might want that wouldn't exhaust the world of its resources? James said now that you mention I would like to understand my wife know what she's thinking and when she moans understand what they mean, when she gives me that stare to know what that means So God I want to understand my wife and know what she means. God said to James do you want that bridge 2 lanes or 4 lanes!!!
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house
was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the
baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed
and after a little while, Connor was born.The paramedic lifted him by his
little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic
then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she
thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He
shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his butt
again!"
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
observing his wife turning back
and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off, he asked
what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still
looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms,
and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day !
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death
Slide, the Wall of Fear, the
Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything
there was. Five hours later they staggered out of
the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with
extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop,
and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous
adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, Well dear, what
was it like being six again ??
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression
suddenly changed.
I meant my Dress Size, you dumb *** !!
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening,
he is going to get it wrong!
2006-10-06 06:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by laurel 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why do elephants wear red tennis shoes?
So they can hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? It works pretty good don't it!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the possum it COULD be done!
Why are men like parking spaces? Because the good ones are taken and the rest are HANDICAPPED!
2006-10-06 12:16:42 · answer #4 · answered by ravin_lunatic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A lady of the night sees a Koala in a bar, and asks him to come back to her place for a party. He goes. In the morning, she asks to be paid. The Koala asks why? She grabs a dictionary, turns to hooker and it reads... a woman who gets paid for sexual favours. So, the Koala turns to Koala and it reads... an animal that eats bush and leaves.
2006-10-06 06:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by tazmanean_devil 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
How do you seduce a Kentucky girl?
Tell her you already had sex with her mother, so you're family.
2006-10-06 06:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by Allen Montgomery 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
BOY: 3 X 3 IS 9 I CAN GET INTO YOURS BUT U CANT GET INTO MINE.........
GIRL: 3 X 3 IS 9 I CAN MEASURE URS BUT U CANT MEASURE MINE.....
2006-10-06 06:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by m9rocks 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It appears that you must be sad if you want other people to make you laugh.
2006-10-06 06:11:27 · answer #8 · answered by Jakes 1 · 1⤊ 4⤋
sry but no
2006-10-06 06:10:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋