Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-05 19:13:24 · 9 answers · asked by evelyn 3

2006-10-05 19:04:13 · 23 answers · asked by duhman 3

2006-10-05 19:03:35 · 10 answers · asked by Ä l ɐ ҳ ä 3

2006-10-05 19:01:15 · 7 answers · asked by duhman 3

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

2006-10-05 18:52:27 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

2006-10-05 18:41:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 18:39:08 · 6 answers · asked by goutham112 2

2006-10-05 18:35:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

i got nothin against blondes k? i luv em :)

A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"

Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waiter goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"

All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"

2006-10-05 18:28:56 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 18:26:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 18:12:21 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 18:11:27 · 9 answers · asked by goutham112 2

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

***Note: All three must be named to get the full 10 pts.***

2006-10-05 18:00:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I just heard that beer is cheaper than gas is.

DRINK, DON'T DRIVE

2006-10-05 17:58:51 · 8 answers · asked by Michael F 3

could steal as he went into the front room a voice said I see u & jesus sees u too, he became very scared he turned on his flashlight only to see a large cage with a parrot inside. the burglar said did u say that? the bird said i see u & jesus sees u too. the burglar smiled & said whats your namepretty bird? the bird said noah. the burglar said oh yeah well whos jesus & where is he? the bird said jesus is the doberman & hes right behind u!

2006-10-05 17:57:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I got this from a friend today
1.When you're sad I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard that made you sad.
2.When you are blue I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3.When you smile I will know you finally got laid.
4.When you are scared I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5.When you are worried I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be.
6.When you are confused I will use little words.
7.When you are sick stay the hell away from me.I don't want whatever you have.
8.When you fall I will point and laugh at your clumsy a ss.
9.This is my oath...I pledge it 'til the end."Why?" you may ask;Because I am your friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see it,but only you can feel the warmth.

2006-10-05 17:55:36 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

An Outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time, saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!"

The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guys face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

2006-10-05 17:46:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

On a hot summer day, a redneck cowboy came riding into town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck cowboy replies, "No way dog's in heat; he's cool cause I got'im tied under the shade of the tree." The policeman says, "No! you don't understand; your dog needs to be bred." No way", the redneck cowboys says, "dog don't need bread, he's not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this mornin". Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"

The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!"

2006-10-05 17:44:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 17:29:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 16:57:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

2006-10-05 16:48:07 · 15 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

1.12 S___________ of the Z____________
2.10 000 L____________ under the S___________
3.24 B_________ B____________ in a P_________
4.What can you serve but not eat?
5.Waht goes around the house but it stays there?

2006-10-05 16:44:30 · 14 answers · asked by waiyue 1

2006-10-05 16:36:49 · 16 answers · asked by wickboom333 2

Do you fold or bunch the toilet paper?

2006-10-05 16:36:23 · 15 answers · asked by Kevin M 2

2006-10-05 16:34:09 · 6 answers · asked by neesam 2

there was a lonely old lady who decided to buy a pet so she went to the pet store. the saw a frog and the frog said i'm lonely like you, you should buy me and you won't be sorry so she did. on the ride home the frog told the old lady to kiss him and she wont be sorry so she did and he turned into a sexy handsome prince. then the frog told the old lady to let him kiss her and she wont be sorry so she did, can you guess what she turned into?
i will post the answer in 5 minutes

2006-10-05 16:30:13 · 12 answers · asked by just anotha chick 4

The madame answer the door and there is a guy with no arms and no legs in a wheel chair.

The madame asks "just what do you think you are going to do here?

The guys winks and says "I rang the door bell didn't I"

2006-10-05 16:25:20 · 10 answers · asked by barrettins 3

2006-10-05 16:20:51 · 7 answers · asked by barrettins 3

2006-10-05 15:48:42 · 16 answers · asked by <x unknown x> 1

managed a ten-day desert crossing without finding water or bringing any along. How as this possible?

2006-10-05 15:32:45 · 6 answers · asked by *babydoll* 6