Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

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You'll be dumbstruct/

2006-10-05 12:54:17 · 5 answers · asked by How e' ye Horse 2

2006-10-05 12:45:40 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

im in desprite need to laugh...

2006-10-05 12:44:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-05 12:40:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Anyone know the answer?

2006-10-05 12:35:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man comes home from work on Friday afternoon, says to his wife, "honey, I'm going fishing tomorrow morning". She replies, "can I go?". He says "no". She asked "why?" He said, "because you always back out at the last moment." She said to her husband, "I promise I won't back out this time." The man says to his wife, "nope." She replies with this, "I will make a deal with you, if I back out, I'll either give you a BJ or let you put it up my @$$." He said "OK!!!"
The next morning he wakes his wife up and says to her, "come on honey, let's go fishing." The wife replies with, "I'm sorry, I'm too tired, you go with-out me." "HEY" he said, "you made a deal with me, you either have to give me a BJ, or let me put it up your @$$." She said "ok, I'll give you a BJ."
So as she starts sucking on him, she gets up and spits and says, "THAT TASTE LIKE CHIT!" He says to her, "well, the dog didn't want to go either."

2006-10-05 12:26:23 · 21 answers · asked by CoWBoY829 3

How can you tell when a man has a high sperm count?
(answer in 15 minutes)

2006-10-05 12:13:53 · 9 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

OK...WELL I NOT CRYING NOW...BUT I DO REALLY NEED HELP WITH MY H.W
i wrote this question on yahoo 2 times already and barely anyone helped me.
the story has to be with aphrodite and apollo, as u noe apollo is the god of the sun and aphrodite is the goddess of beauty and love.
give me ieas . i have to write a 2 page story on them and their married life.
in the story i am doing, they are married and without any children. so plzz guys, feel free to give me ideas...and thank u a lot. it's well appreciated.
sorry for the wrong category!! p.s-anything u can tell a girl to make her feel better about her having big chest??

2006-10-05 12:09:38 · 14 answers · asked by ღbrownsugarღ 3

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this
time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye
call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a
prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy,
the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked
outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and
an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht
in the Riviera and... ."


"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad!
Sniff, s

2006-10-05 12:08:29 · 12 answers · asked by grant212021 4

2006-10-05 12:02:30 · 18 answers · asked by Gerry D 1

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

2006-10-05 11:55:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

If Quiz is Quizzical then what is Test?

Be the first to get it right and get 10 points!!

2006-10-05 11:52:57 · 11 answers · asked by L 3

ok guys, i'm beggin u to plzz help me?? it's urgent!!?
ok...all i need is for u guys to help me with my homework. it's hard for me...so u guys can maybe help me.
i have to do like a story/life on aphrodite and apollo.
it's like this:
they are both married and apollo is the god of the sun and aphrodite is goddess of beauty and love.
help me to figure out a story with them. plzz guys, give me some ideas. it's due tomorrow. they can be fighting, war, anything.
just plzz help me....i'm really desperate. thanx sooooo much
soryy i put it in the wrong category
and plzz don't bo rude....something helps. i have to write 2 pages on their "lifE". any questions and u can mail me

2006-10-05 11:49:59 · 5 answers · asked by ღbrownsugarღ 3

2006-10-05 11:45:26 · 15 answers · asked by Danny D 1

what are they saying?

http://www.merlinmagics.de/funnycats/funny13.jpg

2006-10-05 11:29:01 · 16 answers · asked by Jens 5

2006-10-05 11:26:40 · 5 answers · asked by steve r 1

You must read them aloud

ENGLISH, CHINESE

That's not right, Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP, Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man, Dum ***
Small Horse, Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into the coffee table, Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift, Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here, Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet, Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone, No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week, Wai Yu Kum Nao
He's cleaning his automobile, Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive, Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great , Fa Kin

2006-10-05 11:22:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!
ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each
course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early
and get a discount on registration. The course covers two days, and
topics covered in this course include

DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper. Pictures and graphics.

THE AFTER DINNER DISHES & SILVERWARE - DO THEY LEVITATE AND
FLY INTO
KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY: Losing the remote control to your
significant other
Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE
RIGHT PLACE
INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum

DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE
OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH.
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did.

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR WIFE
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES
AND CALLING
WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL
THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

2006-10-05 11:14:39 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Its homework for me please help. I am going crazy. I guess this sorta catagorizes in Entertaiment

2006-10-05 11:03:05 · 25 answers · asked by Kathy 1

So They can win an erection

2006-10-05 10:59:54 · 7 answers · asked by barrettins 3

your driving in New york,you come to your first stop and twenty people get on,you drive on and pass the next stop,then at the third stop 3 people get off and another 10 get on(standing room only) then at your next stop 12 people get off and 2 get on.....can you tell me what color are the bus drivers eyes,and why???

this really works better in person but try it on your friends

2006-10-05 10:43:03 · 24 answers · asked by stygianwolfe 7

A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

2006-10-05 10:37:07 · 32 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

2006-10-05 10:33:38 · 30 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me. Decipher it and recieve ten pts

2006-10-05 10:31:37 · 18 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

Here on Earth it's always true, that a day follows a day. But there is a place where yesterday always follows today! The first right answer gets 10pts. If there is no right answer then i will pick most creative/funny.

2006-10-05 10:25:30 · 12 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

two buddies were talking about Freudian slips
'I made the worst Freudian slip last night,' said the first guy. 'what was it?' asked the other
'well, my wife and I were having dinner and I meant to say, "please pass the salt," but instead, by mistake...it just slipped out of my mouth: "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE YOU GOD AWFUL B-I-T-C-H!"'

2006-10-05 10:16:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

the french guy says when i make love to my woman i please her so much that when i'm finished she feels like she's floating on air. not to be outdone the itlian says, when i make love to my woman i please her so much that when i'm finished she rises 6 inches off the bed. the aussie looks at them both and says, crickey thats nothing mates. when i finish shaggin' my shiela, i stand up and wipe my dick on the curtain and she hits the f**cking ceiling.

2006-10-05 10:10:59 · 13 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

tha answer's clue-y (for tha mentally cha...cluey)
sure isn't blue-y (-llenged....bluey)

2006-10-05 10:04:13 · 11 answers · asked by Macavelli B 1

What is your favorite joke category?

2006-10-05 09:52:08 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

.....if airport security is so good,the building is referred to as "terminal"?

.....can't you buy mouse flavoured cat food?

.....do stores that open 24/7 have locks on the door?

.....is there only one monopolies commission?

2006-10-05 09:44:48 · 13 answers · asked by rosbif 6