any 1 kno eny really good jokes?

Question

im in desprite need to laugh...

Answer 1

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Answer 2

well i know a joke: ok here it goes... , a girl go up to a preist and says i would like to by this horse to race it in the california race. so the priest say ok but this is a special horse when you tell it to go you have to say praise the lord and to stop you have to say amen! so she goes out in the race she startes and she is in first place! then there is a rock in the way so she says stop stop!!! ohh amen the horse finally stops! the when the horse gets around the big rock she says go go!! i mena Praise the lord and the horse goes she is a little behing so she tries to speed up! then a cliff is right up ahead when she is about a few yards away from the cliff she says stop stop i mean amen! then she stops the girl says ohhh praise the lord and the horse cause she told it to go starts going and they fall of the cliff! cause she says praise the lord i hope that was funny enough for you vote me as the best! bye bye!

Answer 3

Three men were lost hiking in the woods. So Moe tells Larry to fire three shots into the air (the code for distress). All three of them wait a few hours. No rescue party. Larry fires three more shots. No one comes. Then Curly says " I hope they come rescue us soon, we only have three more arrows!"

Answer 4

there was this man driving along a country road. presently he came upon a field. in the field, a farmer was standing, not doing anything at all, just standing there. so, the man got out of his car, went up to the farmer, and asked "what are you doing?" the farmer replied, "well, I'm trying to win a nobel prize. you see, the give the nobel prize to people who are outstanding in their field."

hope this made you laugh! :)

Answer 5

One day a little kid askes his mother if he can have a shower with her because his scared going by himself, his mother says OK, and then the next night the little kid is in the shower saying mum mum whats that up there then the mother says that's my headlights son then he goes mum mum what down there then the mother goes that's my bush, the following night the kid askes if he can have a shower with his father hes father says yes, the next night the kid askes dad dad whats that down there he goes that's my snake son, and then the next day he asks if he can sleep with them seeing as he is scared of the dark and then at night he wakes up and goes MUM MUM TURN YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON THERE'S A SNAKE GOING IN THE BUSH

i don't find it that funny but its the only thing i think of

Answer 6

a unmarried mother with ten kids gets called into the social security office because there seemed to be a problem with the computer
the officer ask the woman for the names of all her kids
well said the woman there is Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne
the office surprised asked why have you named all you kids with the same first name
that is easy said the woman when it is dinnertime i just have to call them once "Wayne dinner is ready"
bedtime is the same "go to bed Wayne"
but how do you have a one on one conversation with your kid asked the social worker
that is easy said the woman just call them by their fathers last name

Answer 7

A little boy walks to the front of the class for Show'n'Tell empty handed.
"Billy, didn't you bring anything with you to show the class?" the teacher asks.
"Well, I was going to bring my frog, but he jumped out of his box on the way to school and got his a$$ run over by a truck."
"Billy," the teacher says crossly. "We don't say that word. We say rectum."
"Rectum? It f*ckin killed him!!"

Answer 8

The GRY riddle

Angry and Hungry are two words ending in 'gry"
There are three words, (Using popular terminology)
in the English Language , that end in "GRY".
.
What is the third word?
The word is something that everyone uses every day.
If you have listened carefully,
I have already told you what it is.

Answer is terminology. (It's the third word ending in gry. Usin(g) popula(r) teminolog(y)