Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

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2006-08-23 19:52:05 · 18 answers · asked by cocomademoiselle 5

2006-08-23 19:47:04 · 7 answers · asked by sudarshan b 1

A man with a backpack went into and field and died.

2006-08-23 19:45:21 · 17 answers · asked by Lady Penelope 3

Last time we saw this following riddle:


What do you tell a clock that is scared?
A: It's ok. Don't be alarmed!

Heheh. And now for today's riddle:

What is the one thing you should know if you are walking on thin ice?

Have fun!

2006-08-23 19:31:29 · 19 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Example: TYM = time

1. SYLNT

2. DSYN

3. PHYR

4. XPYR

5. MPYR

6. DSYR

7. SYR

8. OPM

9. XTC

10. 4NR

11. SK8R

12. MTR

13. TYR

14. EZR

15. I H8 S8N

16. U R A Q T

17. IOU2 A 4N TP

18. I C U R A L E G8TR

2006-08-23 19:11:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business..you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to you watch and say "Times up" ?

2006-08-23 18:55:23 · 7 answers · asked by Phil P 2

2006-08-23 18:47:42 · 13 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

Please no x rated answer this is a logical question my 10 year old told me.I did not know the answer she did.

2006-08-23 18:44:29 · 19 answers · asked by joyce 1

2006-08-23 18:44:11 · 10 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

Mish-mash:

2006-08-23 18:29:55 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes for a walk and it begins to rain. She is not wearing a hat or carrying an umbrella. As she continues walking, her shoes and clothes get wet but her hair does not get wet. How can this be?

2006-08-23 18:10:52 · 23 answers · asked by cocomademoiselle 5

2006-08-23 18:03:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

HELP!!!

2006-08-23 18:03:11 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh honey," he replied. " I can't drink that much every day."...

2006-08-23 17:58:15 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Must be Funny :)

2006-08-23 17:52:02 · 8 answers · asked by Curious 2

NOT FOR ALL ONLY FOR THOSE WHO IS BIG FORM ????????/

2006-08-23 17:46:19 · 2 answers · asked by manish 1

yet you drink my milk every day.What am I?

2006-08-23 17:44:31 · 5 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

2006-08-23 17:42:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anthony D 4

whenever i am hungry i automatically come to know about it....does that mean my SIXTH SENSE is very strong????

2006-08-23 17:39:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and
fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

2006-08-23 17:23:56 · 9 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

2006-08-23 17:10:04 · 17 answers · asked by want_me_luv_me 4

1.1. Compliment people on their shoes
2. Introduce yourself to the person next to you
3. Strike up a conversation
4. Provide "strenuous" sound effects
5. Ask the person in the next stall if there’s anything swimming in their bowl
6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives
7. Scream "oh my god! What the hell is that?
8. Simulate a drug deal
9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects)
10. Roll Easter eggs under the doors
11. Start a sing a long
12. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. Ask if there busy
13. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman
14. Ask loudly, "When does the movie start?"
15. Write "nerdy" graffiti "please wash your hands. Thank you."
16. Kick the cubicles doors, camera in hand
17. Pour water over the cubicle door onto occupant
18. Say, "oops missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls
19. Fake an orgasm
20. At night, switch off the lights
21. Run around naked, yelling ‘where’s the fish?’
22. Ask, in a small trembling voice, ‘is there a doctor in the house?’
23. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing
24. Write essay questions on the toilet paper
25. Offer refreshments
26. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sandpaper
27. Electrify metal urinals
28. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl
29. Remove cubicle doors
30. Glue seat and cover down to bowl
31. Place signs of 24-hour video surveillance
32. Put itching powder on the toilet seats
33. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl
34. Replace soap in dispenser with custard
35. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available
36. Make kitty liter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install
37. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa)
38. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette

2006-08-23 17:09:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-23 16:58:38 · 9 answers · asked by blamurfen 2

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first
time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

2006-08-23 16:47:36 · 27 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

1. Fake a seizure
2. Make loud animal noises then deny doing it
3. Think of new pick up lines. See if they work
4. Churn some butter
5. Create a brand new language
6. Wall made of brick: count them
7. Plot revenge against someone
8. Think of nicknames for everyone you know
9. Punch the person next to you in the mouth
10. See how long you can hold your breath
11. Take your pants off and give them to the lecturer
12. Chew on your arm until someone notices
13. Change seats every 3 minutes
14. Run across the room, tag someone and say "your it."
15. Announce to the class that you are god and that you are angry
16. Think of five new ways to use your shoes
17. Run to the window, then say, "sorry, I thought I saw the bat signal
18. Ask the person in front of you to marry you
19. Start laughing really hard and say, "oh now I get it"
20. Make a sundial
21. Sell stolen goods
22. Bite people
23. Summarize the teaching of Socrates in 50 words or less
24. Give yourself a new identity
25. Write a screenplay about a diabetic Swedish girl who can’t swim
26. Start a Mexican wave
27. Dig an escape tunnel
28. Learn voodoo
29. Lick yourself clean
30. Lick someone else clean
31. Learn to tie your shoes with one hand
32. See how many push ups you can do
33. Experiment with your sexuality
34. Run with scissors
35. Write stupid lists

2006-08-23 16:47:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

it has a pitucer a table and a window you look at it long this thing pops out and it well scare the you no what out of you i don't no what fun cards it is in

2006-08-23 16:47:19 · 6 answers · asked by melica 1

2 blondes are standing outside looking up at the moon and the 1st says i wonder whats closer the moon or Melbourne. The other says r u F*#ken stupid can u c Melbourne from here.

2006-08-23 16:44:01 · 12 answers · asked by steeve 1

Ten points to the first person who gets this right.

2006-08-23 16:28:35 · 40 answers · asked by Sarah 4

A driver was pulled over for speeding by a police officer. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several swords in the car.

"What are those for?" she asked.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."

"Well, show me," the officer requested.

So he got out the swords and started juggling them: first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

As another car passed by, the driver did a double take looking at the cop and the juggler, and said,

"My! Look at the drinking test they're giving now."

2006-08-23 16:26:56 · 24 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Attention: despite any other listing of product contents found herein, the consumer is advised that in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999% empty space
New grand unified theory disclaimer: the manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is 10 dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are 'rolled up' into such a small 'area' that they cannot be detected
Please note: some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state. No responsibility is taken by the manufactures of the product should this occur
Component equivalency notice: the subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufactures, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied
Health warning: care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user
Important note to purchasers: the entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently reemerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed

2006-08-23 16:20:32 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous