Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

what has legs, a chest, and a back, but no head?

2006-08-24 12:00:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What am I?

It runs its hands around its face,
It has no legs but runs in place.
Night or day you can depend
Upon it time and time again.

2006-08-24 11:59:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you eat it over- under, butter dribbles down your chin.
If you eat it sideways, though,
sometimes you might miss a row.

what am I?

2006-08-24 11:56:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

As I was driving to Van Nuys,
I met a hangman who had three eyes.
Bloodshot the one -- it stopped me cold.
The second blinked a shocking gold.
But when the third turned green as grass,
the three-eyed handman let me pass.


This is a joke; something personified

What am I?

2006-08-24 11:55:18 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Every fall this vegeta-ball
welcomes night by candlelight.


What am I?


hint: halloween

2006-08-24 11:52:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

What am I?

Come right in
Look around
At all the treasures that are bound
To make you glad for a week or two
Until your treasure's Overdue

2006-08-24 11:49:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

hint: chinese dish

2006-08-24 11:37:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

They write the advert campaigns that tell us our bed sheets must smell like lemons, our toothpaste minty, and our armpits musk. But what smell are they?

2006-08-24 11:29:34 · 6 answers · asked by trev 2

hint: spiders; computers

This is the joke category nothing serious.

2006-08-24 11:28:52 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

have two heads but only one body, the more still I stand the
faster I run.

What am I?

2006-08-24 11:24:22 · 3 answers · asked by mianivi 3

hint: type of cats

2006-08-24 11:23:38 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-24 11:21:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-24 11:19:45 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me: Her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in the car.

2006-08-24 11:15:16 · 22 answers · asked by ♥ HeartStolen ♥ 2

What is so special about the words Cat, Ape, and Ten? Hint: It has to do with the way you arrange them. If the first 15 people don't get it right, I will give the answer.

2006-08-24 11:11:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

does anyone know a yo mama joke

2006-08-24 10:54:11 · 6 answers · asked by hello kitty =] 2

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their
honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and
thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to
trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them
to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave
showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's
pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave
reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the
teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It
was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband
opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas
were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, "What
happened sir? You married a nurse. The man sourly replies, "Son,
don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging
voice saying, " You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary." At 6:30
a.m., the phone rang again. The telephone operator's husband called
for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the
best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The
man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed. Dave
asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as
sexy as their voices." The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry
a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice
saying, "You're three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband
would be calling any minute. Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's
husband called for breakfast. Dave can't believe it but quickly took
the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave
took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his
hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs. Joe fearing the worst, asked " What happened to you? Did you
have a fight?" The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when
you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night
was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and
over, until we get get it right." ♥

2006-08-24 10:45:48 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about
which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii
had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker
accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no
problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to
peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian
woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the
challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker
successfully pecked the tree with no problem.

So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the
Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the
Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither
one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same
conclusion - your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

2006-08-24 10:39:26 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

You walk into a room and all you see is that Sally has hung herself and there is a puddle of water. There is nothing else in the room, how did Sally hang herself?

2006-08-24 10:37:24 · 7 answers · asked by charleegirleuro 2

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette,
with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking a bit Ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.

isn't that the worst joke you've ever heard!!??
Anyone get it?? do explain plz!

2006-08-24 10:35:19 · 43 answers · asked by Snow White 3

2006-08-24 10:27:31 · 18 answers · asked by acataaaaaaa 1

2006-08-24 10:23:59 · 8 answers · asked by acataaaaaaa 1

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a males reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female
Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts
This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various was. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something, and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way. This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the sizes of the male and female brains differ, but their center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex brain cells reside
Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity, but tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as ‘engineers’. Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as ‘lawyers’. A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as ‘congressman

2006-08-24 10:22:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-24 10:17:52 · 22 answers · asked by bbmf06 1

looking for funniest answer. Thanks!

2006-08-24 10:15:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-24 10:14:51 · 30 answers · asked by joanne g 2

cos he didn't clean his organ between hymns (hims). guess what they found during his autopsy? Michael Jackson's other glove.

2006-08-24 10:13:53 · 4 answers · asked by pete cochino 3

It has two legs, two arms, the colors are patched dark green, light green, red, white, yellow, and blue. It also has buttons and pockets on it...

2006-08-24 10:13:50 · 10 answers · asked by charleegirleuro 2

2006-08-24 10:13:21 · 28 answers · asked by joanne g 2

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"

2006-08-24 10:05:18 · 24 answers · asked by snookie4u85 1