All categories - 3 December 2007

* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn
signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is
like the IRS..
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power
surges.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute
of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've
got.

2007-12-03 22:37:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Do you go round shops spending tons of money on the latest clobber/makeup/going out or are you saving your money and going round cheaper shops like myself. haha

2007-12-03 22:37:11 · 4 answers · asked by sarah 6 in Higher Education (University +)

this is a question that is buggin me since ninth grade. pls hlp.

2007-12-03 22:36:28 · 4 answers · asked by Ξlectronegative™дtif® 2 in Physics

2007-12-03 22:35:10 · 5 answers · asked by bon b 1 in Non-Alcoholic Drinks

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small pop quiz
around Halloween.




"Okay, how many of you have seen a ghost?" About
30% of the class puts their hand up.




"Okay, how many of you have actually touched a ghost?"
About 10% of the class puts their hand up.




"Okay, how many of you have had sex with a ghost?"
Dead silence, until a little redneck boy in the back row
puts up his hand.




"You've actually had sex with a ghost?"




"Ghost? Oh. I thought you said goat!"

2007-12-03 22:35:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

The trip computer doesn't give any reason for it and the power often comes back when I re-start the engine. Can anyone help me to understand and fix this problem.

2007-12-03 22:35:05 · 4 answers · asked by John H 3 in Alfa Romeo

Im in 9th grade now and am one of the few who have the option to take chemistry my 10th grade year. The only problem is next year i would have to take bioligy and chemistry at the same time because biology is required my 1th grade year. Should i do it or not? I want to and I think I can handlethe pressure but my mom thinks that it will be to much pressure and silly to be ahead of everyone. I think that i can get into a way better collage, even better than my twin sister.

2007-12-03 22:34:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Primary & Secondary Education

Here is the message he sent after our first date. I then provided a positive feetback as well. But he hasn't called or asked me out again. I alse see him very actively searching online. Don't understand men.
"I know for sure I could never get tired looking at you. I hope we will be able to spend enough time together so that I can really get to know what makes you happy and find out who the real you is. Just on the service I really like what i see. Hope to hear from you soon."

2007-12-03 22:34:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

This was on the news this morning as there is a line in the full length version which is offensive to scottish folk - sorry I was half asleep and can't recall the actual words.

I personally think we should scrap the whole thing and start again, its truly awful and the worst of the bunch.

who's with me?

2007-12-03 22:34:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Current Events

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking
machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was
out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he
inserted his pen*s into the equipment, turned the switch
on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized
that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as
his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized
that he couldn't remove the instrument from his pen*s.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without
success.




Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's
Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought
a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic,
but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"




"Don't worry, " replied the customer
service rep, "The machine will release automatically
once it's collected two gallons."

2007-12-03 22:33:51 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-12-03 22:33:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Engineering

i got the 3 mbps package for verizon. and when i check the speed for it, it said it was 1.5 mbps. does anyone know what the problem is?

2007-12-03 22:33:22 · 2 answers · asked by nick murphy 1 in Computer Networking

Would a - DVI male to 2 female - splitter cable be OK for 2 monitors, or would a Switch Box be better (i.e. would a splitter cable lose power)?

2007-12-03 22:32:50 · 1 answers · asked by d.fox60 1 in Monitors

The two most common elements in
the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.



Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery
easier to live with.





Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bounced cheque.



It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.


Always remember to pillage *before* you burn.


If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your
book.


If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where
you live.


The trouble with doing something right first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.


It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning
to others.


Sky's Law: You can't fall off the floor.


The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
because the average man can see better than he can think.



Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.

2007-12-03 22:31:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2007-12-03 22:31:28 · 21 answers · asked by *sandylovesall* 3 in Other - Skin & Body

I live in Hyderabad, India and i want to host a website for my marriage, pls help me locating some one who can do the same

2007-12-03 22:30:35 · 2 answers · asked by Madhu A 1 in Programming & Design

One Christmas eve, many moons ago, I caught a taxi back from the bank, my husband had died a few weeks before (36) and my daughters were both under 5, I asked the bank for an over draught because life was falling apart, mortgage etc, they refused. For some reason (probably because I was so upset) I told the cabbie everything. The next morning at about 7am we heard a handbell and looked out of the window. The taxi driver had dressed as Santa and brought us food, toys and a little cash. How wonderful was that?
Now that's Christmas spirit :-)

2007-12-03 22:30:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Society & Culture

2007-12-03 22:29:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

I have used puncture resistant tyres, slime inner tubes and a slime strip (all at the same time!!) and I still got punctures.

Does anybody have any constructive suggestion?

2007-12-03 22:29:49 · 19 answers · asked by kelfisher 2 in Cycling

i like to burn stuff(old papers, clothes and etcc....)

i also, like to look at fire, i dont have a fireplace,

i am looking for one i can keep in the house, not those huge ones, just a small one.

would it be possible for me to get a metal trash can and make a fire in it, would it be safe?
would it destory the trash can?

2007-12-03 22:29:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Home & Garden

The haters on here keep on about what dreadful parents Kate and Gerry McCann are, but I've seen worse in my local High Street: parents smacking thier children; feeding them junk; leaving them by the magazines while they do their shopping; shouting at them for no reason; driving them around without safety seats let alone safety belts; children as young as 5 or 6 travelling on buses alone; the list goes on...

If you are so concerned about child neglect why not volunteer some of your clearly abundant free time to do something to help real cases of neglect and abuse?

Here's a few suggestions to be going on with:

http://www.daretocarecampaign.com/Get-involved.aspx
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/getinvolved/getinvolvedhub_wdh45187.html
http://www.do-it.org.uk/advanced.do

2007-12-03 22:29:22 · 17 answers · asked by Skidoo 7 in Other - News & Events

My tv just randomly turns itself off after about 10 mins. I heard before that your remote batteries can have this affect on your tv so ive changed them for new ones but it has made no difference. Any ideas of what else could be the problem??

2007-12-03 22:29:07 · 5 answers · asked by baby_gal_lisa 2 in TVs

2007-12-03 22:28:52 · 4 answers · asked by beverly p 1 in Laptops & Notebooks

2007-12-03 22:27:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anthony G 1 in TVs

If I work 7.25 hours, it's considered 7 hrs and 15 mins.
If I only worked 4.35 hours, what would the difference be ?

2007-12-03 22:27:21 · 4 answers · asked by Ly S 1 in Mathematics

Could you ever forgive the McCanns for what they done?

2007-12-03 22:27:05 · 25 answers · asked by McCan Opener 1 in Current Events

I need this as soon as posible.

2007-12-03 22:26:56 · 2 answers · asked by Azehc 1 in Mathematics

Hillary is 100% untrustworthy. I think the American people have a right to know all her biggest lies, so that they could say to her: "Shut your trap, fibber!"

2007-12-03 22:25:56 · 12 answers · asked by Din2600 2 in Elections

2007-12-03 22:25:15 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality