* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn
signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is
like the IRS..
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power
surges.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute
of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've
got.
2007-12-03 22:37:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its
students.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* According to my calculations, the problem doesn't
exist.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone
else.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing
home.
2007-12-03 22:37:54 · update #1
lol!!!!
x
How about these:
Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.
Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!
Screw world peace, visualize DRIVING.
Don't believe everything you think.
My feminine side is lesbian.
I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Cats make everything taste better.
Your body would look good in my trunk.
I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).
The bigger the hat, the better the cowboy.
I'm still a hot babe, but now it it comes in flashes.
Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
In case of rapture, can I have your car?
I love animals. They're delicious.
I poke badgers with spoons.
Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
Black holes are where God divided by zero. .
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.
If you observe this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, please try to think of it as one more anomoly in the cosmic order.
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Don't believe everything you think......................
2007-12-03 23:30:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
*Horn broken. Watch for finger.*
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.*
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.*
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.*
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.*
Especially funny!!! xD
I think I'll start using the first one... xD
2007-12-04 15:47:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny! 10!
2007-12-04 07:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by cats 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
2007-12-04 11:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by Luck dragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like them. Katie has good ones as well.
2007-12-04 09:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by .... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha good one
2007-12-04 09:57:47 · answer #6 · answered by Denz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lmao what a super collection, star
2007-12-04 10:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol, 10/10,thnx for that, ver funny.
2007-12-04 09:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by xyz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
excellent star4u
2007-12-04 07:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeh some are pretty good
2007-12-04 06:42:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jester 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋