Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

OK 2 sister's died in a car accident, and when they reached heaven some one asked them, so how was your life and if there was one thing you could change what would it be? the first sister goes I lived a happy life, and if I could change something it would be being pregnant less time. the guys goes good idea ok now woman will only be pregnant for 3 months. The second sister goes well my life was ok, and if I could change anything it would be to change men’s penises they are too ugly, and they guy said no because you sucked on them being ugly, imagine if I make them prettier, woman will want to eat them.

2006-10-07 09:28:12 · 22 answers · asked by need help 1

Or if you have any of your own, I'm open to ideas.

2006-10-07 09:04:05 · 4 answers · asked by TBA 2

2006-10-07 08:53:57 · 7 answers · asked by Tickler 5

2006-10-07 08:52:00 · 18 answers · asked by Martin P 1

doctor, doctor jokes are also fine.

2006-10-07 08:44:57 · 5 answers · asked by Female O ♥ 4

2006-10-07 08:39:49 · 22 answers · asked by tjyf j 1

plz do as many as you can. thank you!

2006-10-07 08:27:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Using a bag of revels?

2006-10-07 08:08:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple of young guys set it up. They name and shame pervs. Cops are trying to shut them down. LOL

2006-10-07 08:03:40 · 1 answers · asked by Mr. Mojo Risin 3

What is it that a baby has more of than an adult?

2006-10-07 08:02:48 · 18 answers · asked by Mr Slug 4

A man walked into a bar and asked the barman for a glass for water. They had never met before. The barman pulled a gun from under the counter and pointed it at the man. The man said 'Thank you' and walked out. Why should that be so?

2006-10-07 07:54:17 · 14 answers · asked by Mr Slug 4

A woman had two sons who were born in the same hour of the same day in the same year, but they were not twins. How could this be so?

2006-10-07 07:40:02 · 17 answers · asked by Mr Slug 4

This is a true story from WordPerfect helpline.
Needless to say the helpdesk employee was
fired; however, he is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". This is a
transcription of the actual dialogue that lead to his termination:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

2006-10-07 06:47:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anton Mathew 5

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it
at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a
happy future.
The girl's father started searching for the two lovers
but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a
local newspaper. Her father said
"If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love,
I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was
dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the
other side to get some drinks for his wife,
a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The girl was devastated and lost her senses.
It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died
horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old
lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy
from her daughter's dress as soon as possible.
But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and
told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains
immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the
same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained.

But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old
lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something
terrible would happen.
This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the
clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone
knocked on the door.
When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of
her dream standing at her door.
She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked
the girl.
She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...


"This is Nirma Washing Powder"
"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma
Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,
sabki pasand nirama
Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma.Nirma"
10 ka 1, do pe ek free

2006-10-07 06:47:09 · 17 answers · asked by dew drop 4

begining part of this joke?

2006-10-07 06:39:05 · 3 answers · asked by BadGirlGimpy 3

ok answer this question.

What is more powerful than god?
what is more evil then the devil?
the poor have it.
the rich need it.
and if you eat it you'll die.

didn't make this up BTW. have fun.

2006-10-07 06:35:20 · 14 answers · asked by Carly 2

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

2006-10-07 06:27:11 · 8 answers · asked by g-man 3

2006-10-07 06:24:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 06:23:47 · 19 answers · asked by danny_dump_valve 1

2006-10-07 06:19:25 · 13 answers · asked by hedZy ♀ The Dancing Banana 4

. . .Anyone wanna make little smiley faces or something?

Best one wins. . .Although I don't think you can beat this:☺ or even this:☻

2006-10-07 06:14:56 · 23 answers · asked by emma 3

Like... on the front it says "In the case on an emergency, look on the back" and on the back it says "This is not an emergency!!"

2006-10-07 05:58:37 · 15 answers · asked by proud wife of sKk 1

2006-10-07 05:55:15 · 6 answers · asked by apurba s 3

a quarter pounder with cheese!!!!xx

2006-10-07 05:45:27 · 16 answers · asked by nicola 3

a man comes home from the pub very pissed and very late with lippy on his collar. he says to the missus "you`re next fatty"!!!


brave or stupid??? haha.xx

2006-10-07 05:37:32 · 30 answers · asked by nicola 3

How come diamond becomes women's best friend? Oh, and for the worst enemy case, what makes it the worst then?

2006-10-07 05:33:00 · 34 answers · asked by Professor Franklin 4

10 girls jumps into swimmingpool....suddenly all water disappears...why?? why?? why??

2006-10-07 05:29:08 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. his wife is lying in bed. "this is the pig i have sex with when you`re sleeping"he says.
"that`s not a pig" she says "that`s a sheep"
"i was talking to the sheep"!!!!! he replies!!.xx

2006-10-07 05:26:40 · 36 answers · asked by nicola 3

"Tomorrow we will discuss human reproduction so I'd like you to go home tonight and find out as much as you can about the subject," said the class teacher.
Young Tommy went home and found his mother in the kitchen.
"Mummy where did I come from?" he asked. Too busy to sit down and tell him the truth, she replied, "A stork brought you, darling, and put you under the rose bush."
Tommy went into the dining room where his grandma was watching TV..."Where did my mum come from,?" he asked her.
Now Grandma didn't discuss such things so she replied, "A stork left her under a bush in the garden.
Great Grandma," he said softly "where did my Grandma come from?"
"Not now darling," she replied, "I'm a bit tired, but you must have heard of the stork?"
The next day in school, the teacher asked the children what they had learned.....
"Please Miss," said little Tommy putting up his hand, "as far as I can see, our family hasn't had sexual realations for three generations."

2006-10-07 05:19:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the... bug is close.
It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of... termites.
You can lead a horse to water but... how?
Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
No news is... impossible.
A miss is as good as a... Mr.
You can't teach an old dog... math.
If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust... me.
The pen is mightier than... the pigs.
An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there's... pollution.
Happy is the bride who... gets all the presents.
A penny saved is... not much.
Two is company, three's... The Musketeers.
None are so blind as... Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.
There is no fool like... Aunt Edie.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose.

2006-10-07 05:15:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous