Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Once upon a time there were 3 tomatoes - papa tomatoe, mama tomatoe, and baby tomatoe. They were all walking along going home but baby tomatoe was lagging behind. Papa tomatoe turned around and stepped on baby tomatoe and squished him, then he said "ketchup".

I probably didn't tell it right which is typical of me but does anyone know what movie it came from?

2006-10-07 14:54:28 · 22 answers · asked by Natalie 1

8. Christmas shopping can be accomplished on Christmas Eve, for 25 relatives, in twenty minutes

17. none of a mans co workers have the power to make him cry

48. men only go shopping when there is something they need to buy

23. a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need

35. a man can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift

19. car mechanics tell men the truth

42. men almost never have to queue up for the toilets

46. men understand why dumb & dumber is funny

30. men never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean that their lover is about to leave them

50. men don’t have to shave below their neck

47. men don’t have to clean their flat if the meter reader is coming

7. men can sit with their knees apart no matter what they’re wearing

44. when a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. when a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready as soon as she finds her other ear ring, makes one phone call and finishes putting on her makeup

13. men are practically expected to belch loudly in public

16. a man can be showered and ready for work in ten minutes after getting up in the morning. Women require two hours minimum

37. men never have to miss a sexual opportunity because they’re not in the mood

45. men don’t believe they can reverse the aging process by applying a cream containing vitamin e and/ or liposomes (whatever they are)

15. a man only requires six items in his bathroom: a razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and a towel. The average woman has around 370 items in her bathroom. The average man would be unable to identify most of these

2. men don’t have to wear make up to look good

33. men get paid more than women for doing the same work

40. a mans friends will never attempt to trap him with: “so…notice anything different?”

24. men never have to give birth

1. men wake up as good looking as they went to be. Women somehow deteriorate during the night

32. grey hair and wrinkles only add character to a mans face

39. not liking a person does not eliminate having great sex with them

25. men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

49. three pairs of shoes are enough for any man

11. on hot days, men can whip off their shirt

12. if a man can cook, everyone thinks its an accomplishment

26. if men have casual sex, they don’t have to worry about their reputation

9. one mood, all the time!

18. men never have to worry about a glass ceiling

36. men don’t have to pretend they’re ‘freshening up’ to go to the toilet

21. men don’t have to carry a bag with them wherever they go

28. for men, chocolate is just another snack

22. men don’t have to take a support group when they go to the toilet

4. if another man turns up at a party in the same outfit, the chances are neither of them will notice

31. hot wax never comes near a mans public area

10. men don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries

6. men don’t need anyone else to open jars for them

03. if a man is going on a weeks holiday, he only needs one suitcase

20. men pay half the price women pay at the hairdressers

34. people never glance at a mans chest when he’s talking to them

38. new shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle a mans feet

29. a man can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat

27. men can write their name in the snow

41. phone conversations are over in thirty seconds flat

14. if a man is 34 and still single, nobody even notices

5. men don’t care if no one notices there new haircut

43. if someone forgets to invite a man to something, he (or she) can still be their friend

2006-10-07 14:49:44 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 14:27:03 · 12 answers · asked by joe_incredible 1

Now that were men we have facial hair,
now that were men "i changed my underwear!"
now that were men we have a manly flair
were done in the south, were tough to save the day!
we never had a chance when we were kids!, NO NO NO!
Now were big to work the manly dip HA HA HA!
HOORAY!
Now that there men we shall honor them,
now that there men they have become our friends!
now that there men there will there will be a happy end!
they will pass the test and finish the quest for the crown,
they will pass the quest,
and finish the quest for the crown!,
they will pass the test and finish the quest for the crown!

2006-10-07 13:50:54 · 7 answers · asked by supa_slimz 1

one evening, a boy sat down to say his prayers before going to bed. his father walked past at this moment and paused to listen. 'god bless mommy and daddy and grandpa. and bye bye grandma.' the father thought this was a little strange, but thought nothing more of it until the next day when grandma had a heart attack and died. a week later, he happened to overhear his son again saying his prayers, and listened more intently this time.' god bless mommy and daddy. goodbye grandpa.' sure enough, the next day grandpa suffered a stroke and died instantly. a month later, once again the father heard his son praying. 'god bless mommy. bye bye daddy.' the father was mortified. he went to work, but was too scared to do anything in case he had an accident
when he got home from work, he told his wife what an awfully worrying day he'd had. his wife simply scoffed. 'you think you’ve had it bad? I’ve had a terrible day. I got up this morning and opened the door to discover the postman dead in our garden.’

2006-10-07 13:48:29 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor and a boy were fishing. The boy was the doctor's son, but the doctor was not the boy's father. Who was the doctor?

Ok this was funny because i didnt know the answer

Until i went over the question 17 times lol

2006-10-07 13:22:02 · 11 answers · asked by supa_slimz 1

Some ducks were walking down a path. There was a duck in front of two ducks, a duck behind two ducks, and a duck between two ducks. How many ducks were there in all?

2006-10-07 13:14:48 · 43 answers · asked by supa_slimz 1

Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

2006-10-07 13:07:50 · 28 answers · asked by supa_slimz 1

If you count 20 houses on your right going to school, and 20 houses on your left coming home, how many houses in all have you counted?

2006-10-07 13:01:35 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once your done with the breast and thighs all your left with is a greasy box to stick your bone into.

Visit my site New laughs everyday. http://www.aztec-net.com/~trunorth/jtales.html


And its all Free. . Free .. . . Free. . . Free

2006-10-07 12:24:56 · 12 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?

If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.

If it stinks, it's chemistry.

If it doesn't work, it's physics.

2006-10-07 12:04:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 11:50:55 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

I heard that their butts fill up with poop all of their lives until they explode and that's how they die.

2006-10-07 11:44:12 · 8 answers · asked by spackler 6

2006-10-07 11:44:07 · 6 answers · asked by Brooklynn 6

2006-10-07 11:41:35 · 16 answers · asked by Brooklynn 6

2006-10-07 11:19:58 · 29 answers · asked by hotfeat 2

Let you know tommorow.............SO

Stay tuned and don't change that dial.

2006-10-07 11:14:26 · 9 answers · asked by reppinca 2

2006-10-07 11:08:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

If there is a secret to it.....let us know! Hehehehe.

2006-10-07 10:56:15 · 39 answers · asked by Luisho 2

e.g. "calf"

p.s. I posed this question before but the answer was deleted even though I thought was a good one

2006-10-07 10:55:08 · 12 answers · asked by ♪ ♫ ☮ NYbron ☮ ♪ ♫ 6

An old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says,"I'm sorry but you have alzhimers disease."
"Oh this is terrible" Says the old man.
"But it gets worse, you also have cancer."
The old man waits a minute, "Well that's not so bad. At least I don't have alzhimers."

2006-10-07 10:43:45 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a word puzzle
this is it.
t i m e
abde.
I need help in solving it.

2006-10-07 10:40:23 · 11 answers · asked by megefg@sbcglobal.net 3

2006-10-07 10:29:54 · 5 answers · asked by houdini 3

but don't use it as a rule.

2006-10-07 10:28:17 · 37 answers · asked by hotfeat 2

2006-10-07 10:24:24 · 7 answers · asked by halfbright 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npWNuMtzbDA

Click-watch-listen-laugh!

Tell me what you think afterwards,K? thanx

2006-10-07 10:18:29 · 3 answers · asked by Jeremy 6

girl runs into house, mom!! mom!! the boy next door has a penis like a peanut!! oh my says mom, you mean its small? no!! its salty

2006-10-07 10:12:43 · 9 answers · asked by countryfarmer2 5

Find whats wrong here...

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
0
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Did you know that 80% of Stanford students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "Find the Error", and when you click Post Bulletin, the answer will show**Real Obvious**


This was a chain bulletin I recieved. Is there really an error?

2006-10-07 10:07:45 · 25 answers · asked by violet 2

Yo mama so stupid she got a peep hole in a glass door.
Yo mama so stupid she thought an aspiration was butt sweat.
Yo mama so stupid she looks at a can of juice for days 'cause it says concentrate.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid that she ran into an automatic sliding door.
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to drown a fish.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she thought an elevator was a mobile home.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Yo mama so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.
Yo mama so stupid she couldn't read an audio book.
Yo mama so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying "Hi! Hitler".
Yo mama so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus.
Yo mama so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper.
Yo mama so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "guess" so she said Levi’s.
Yo mama so stupid when she walked into Walgreen’s she said, "These walls ain't green!!"
Yo mama so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and she yelled "where’s my gumball."
Yo mama so stupid that when she looked in the mirror, she said stop copying me!
Yo mama so stupid she brought toilet paper to a crap game.
Yo mama so stupid she asked for a price check at the $.99 store.
Yo mama so stupid she walked into an antique store and said what's new!
Yo mama so stupid she saw a sign that said "WET FLOOR", So she did.
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Yo mama is so dumb that she got locked in the bathroom and peed her pants.

2006-10-07 09:46:22 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

NEWS FLASH :: aliens have landed on planet earth and are abducting all beautiful people.Don't worry your safe i am just saying GOODBYE !!!

2006-10-07 09:44:59 · 19 answers · asked by laura 1