tell me your best joke for 10 point?

Question

any kind of joke

Answer 1

Ok, a man wakes up and its a beautiful day. He decides to take his dog and wife out fishing. So he says to his wife, "Alright honey lets go take thor (his dog) and catch some fish." The thing is, she hates to fish, so she says, " i dont think so i hate to fish." So the guy says, " OK their are 2 ways out of this, one is anal and the other is oral." So she says, " OK you know which one i pick." So she starts to give him some love, then she pulls back and says, "what the...you taste like $hit." He says, " yeah, i know, the dog didn't want to fish either" : )

Answer 2

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Answer 3

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

Answer 4

Jesus and Moses are playing golf. Jesus is in a tough spot. Moses suggests using a 5; Jesus says, 'No, Arnold Palmer always uses a 9 on this hole', takes the 9, hits the ball straight into the water. Moses parts the water, returns the ball and says, 'now will you use the 5?' Jesus says, again, 'No, Arnold Palmer always uses a 9 on this hole'; takes the 9, and, again, hits the ball straight into the water. Moses, once again, parts the water and fetches the ball. He says (slightly annoyed, you bet) 'NOW will you use the 5 like I said?' Yet again, Jesus insists that 'Arnold Palmer always uses a 9 on this hole' - and Moses replies, well, if you use the 9 and it goes in the water, THIS TIME you're getting it yourself.' So Jesus takes the 9, hits the ball, and...splash. So he walks out on top of the water to get it. He's standing on top, fishing around underneath to find it, when a cop walks up and says to Moses...'Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?' Moses says, 'no...Arnold Palmer!'

Answer 5

There was this flea, sunning himself on Miami Beach. His buddy walked up to him, shivering and suffering from a severe cold.
The first flea says,” What the hell happened to you?”
The buddy replies,” I caught a ride on a biker’s mustache all the way down here from NY.”
The first flea says,” You don’t know how to travel. Here’s what you do. You find a stewardess and get comfortable in her pubic hair. When her plane lands in Miami, you jump off and bada bing, you’re in sunny south Florida. Got it?”
The second flea agrees.

Same time, the following year, the first flea is on the beach, sunning himself again when his buddy walks up suffering from the flu.
“What the hell happened? Why didn’t you do what I told you?”
“I did,” replies the second flea. “I hopped on a stewardess; got comfortable in her bush. Unfortunately, there was a lay over in Washington D.C. and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in some biker’s mustache.”

Answer 6

This is one I tell all of the time:

There once was a blond who decided to ride a horse with no prier experience. As she mounts the horse it immediately springs into motion. As she rides, it picks its speed up until it is in a full gallop. She starts to slip from the saddle and has to grab the horse's main and neck for support. Right as she is about to come to her fate, a Wall-Mart employee runs to the horse and turns it off.

Answer 7

There was a young couple who had been dating for awhile and the guy was ready to propose. Before he did, he felt he had to warn his gf about something personal. He told her that he has an infant sized penis. She replied that she would happily still marry him because she had some other problem herself.

The couple soon get married and they are on their honeymoon. The bride goes into the bathroom to change into something sexy and comes back out to see her now naked husband. In great shock---she says "I thought you said you had an infant sized penis?" He replies, "I do---8 lbs, 5 oz, and 19 inches long = infant sized penis".


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2nd short joke below

Answer 8

Satan Goes to Church

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families. Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do." Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't." Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

Answer 9

hi there, a blonde knocks on doors asking if they had any odd jobs they needed doing, this bloke says ok yes will you paint my porch, she says yes i will, he says you will find everything you need including the paint in the garage, the mans wife says gosh she'll be there all day our porch goes all round the side of the house, a while later the blonde knocks on the door, the man says how much do i owe you, she says £20.00 that's cheap he says handing her the cash...she replies i gave it 2 coats of paint and by the way it isn't a porche it's a lotus..................
hahahahahaha
hope you liked this
Yvonne

Answer 10

a man walks into the bedroom with a duck under his arm . his wife laying there on the bed he states this is the pig I'm fu -king . His wife replies : dumb a$$ that's no pig that's a duck . the man replies : I was talking to the duck .