Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Tigers are the only animals that have striped furs and skins..

2006-10-07 18:49:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

one night a husband can home to his wife with a black eye
'what happened to you?' she asked
'I got into a fight with the super. he said he had slept with every woman in this apartment building except for one.'
'hmm,' his wife replied. 'I bet its that ugly woman on the second floor

2006-10-07 18:35:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sky is blue.

2006-10-07 18:24:23 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

I already know but I'm not telling. You have to guess!

2006-10-07 18:24:01 · 15 answers · asked by kriend 7

frustrated by her husbands insistence that they make love in the dark, the wife switched on her bed light on night in the middle of a romp-only to find a cucumber in his hand
'is THIS,' she asked, pointing to the vegetable, 'what you’ve been using on me for the last five years?'
'honey, let me explain...'
'why you cheating son of a -.' she screamed
'cheating huh?!' interrupted her husband indignantly. 'perhaps you’d care to explain our three kids?'

2006-10-07 18:23:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

'how many wives have you had?' Mr. brown asked Mr. Schwartz. 'five,' replied Mr. Schwartz
'but only one of them was my own.'

2006-10-07 18:12:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 18:12:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 18:10:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 18:05:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Judge: I know you, don't I?

Defendant: Uh, yes.

Judge: All right, how do I know you?

Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?

Judge: Of course. You might be obstructing justice not to tell me.

Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie

2006-10-07 17:53:35 · 10 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

a woman was in hospital, going through the final stages of labor. as she was experiencing quite a bit of pain, their doctor asked the husband if he'd like to participate in the birthing process and take some of the pain away from his wife. the husband agreed, so the doctor got out a strange machine with a red lever. he set the lever to 10 percent, telling the husband that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. but the man didn’t feel a thing. being the egotistical guy that he was, he was sure that he could handle as much pain as his wife so he insisted that the doctor crank the lever up to 100 percent. after it was over, the man stood up, stretched a little. both he and his wife felt great. later, when they took the baby home, they found the milkman dead on their doorstep

2006-10-07 17:49:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

This one pastor taking over a church was warned by leaving pastor to "Beware of Mother Green" When the new pastor took over, on his first day he notice a woman wearing a short skirt and bright green shoes, when she sat down in the front row, the pastor saw she had no panties on. The pastor leaned over to the deacon of the church and asked "Is that Mother Green?" to which the deacon said "No, it's just the reflection off her shoes."

2006-10-07 17:23:10 · 11 answers · asked by jedi1josh 5

'honey, I’m home.'

2006-10-07 17:22:33 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amus

2006-10-07 17:21:51 · 8 answers · asked by Saм 2

A sign on the barber's door says "I shave only those who do not shave themselves". Does the barber shave himself?

2006-10-07 17:17:55 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 17:17:25 · 10 answers · asked by STORMY K 3

a man rang home in the early afternoon one day to speak to his wife. the maid answered the phone and told him that his wife was upstairs in the bedroom with her lover. after ranting and raving for a minute, the man asked the maid if shed like to make a quick $10,000
'sure,' she said enthusiastically. 'what do I have to do?'
'take the gun from my desk and shoot both of them.' the maid went upstairs and did as she had been instructed. she came back down the stairs, picked up the phone, and said, 'now what do i do with the bodies?' the man said, 'take them out the back and throw them in the pool.'
'what pool?' asked the maid. after a moment of silence, the man said, 'is this 555-555?'

2006-10-07 17:13:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

how is this possible???

2006-10-07 17:08:52 · 9 answers · asked by joe_incredible 1

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and she would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Are you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." She just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"


NOW I ASK YOU, IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE,
WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

2006-10-07 17:06:01 · 20 answers · asked by dwh 3

The Pope has it but he does not use it.
Your father has it but your mother uses it.
Nuns do not need it.
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox's is quite small.
What is it?

2006-10-07 17:03:05 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 16:50:17 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 16:47:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 16:46:30 · 13 answers · asked by gYPSY B 3

2006-10-07 16:45:18 · 21 answers · asked by delta s 4

2006-10-07 16:20:53 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Oneday at school my friend told this boy he had a bug on his shirt I thought it was so funny do you?

2006-10-07 16:19:30 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-07 16:08:17 · 10 answers · asked by gYPSY B 3

she read the shampoo instructions: lather, rinse, repeat......

2006-10-07 15:57:38 · 18 answers · asked by pinhed_1976 6

is it in?

2006-10-07 15:06:45 · 8 answers · asked by Raptor 3

Honey, I'm Home!

2006-10-07 15:03:18 · 10 answers · asked by Raptor 3