I can't even finish taking a dump unless I have a photo of Martin Mull on hand so I can stroke his blonde mustache in my dreams as I pinch one off. My life partner, Gerald, says he doesn't mind the posters, but he won't do the Mr. Mom backyard race celebration dance before he plows me. So i'm like geez, so how am I supposed to bust one off, you selfish silly goose. Anyways, I was dying to meet Mr. Mull so i went to the Premiere of Mrs. Doubtfire in L.A. and waited in line for three days and nights just to get a peek. Finally, When he walked passed me I slammed a fistful of mustard into his buttcrack and screamed "Bring it on home, Banana-Lip!" and then I went home and made a celebratory handprint onto a posterboard and outlined it in macaroni. It still hangs on my fridge and I whack to it regularly.
2007-07-18
09:26:14
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