ok , i need to ask this question.Right from the childhood i have been a shy, introvert and lonely boy and people used to comment/mock at that.I have heard that kids usually have imaginary friends so I had too. Infact a whole imaginary family.I am now 21 yrs old and still have that imaginary family.I have hardly any friends and have no one to share my feelings with and its all piling up inside.So i have no option but to discuss it with myself or my imaginary family members. I have always felt deprived of love and no recogonition or appreciation from others.
Now for the past few yrs I have been in depression. I have always been a modest, philanthropist and altruistic by nature but fed up with diplomacy and cunningness of people.Not performing well academically too and suffering from extreme low self confidence.Humiliated uncountable number of times by many people.All these things are turning me into a misanthrope (which i consider menace to the society) and make me believe that all people are self centred.
It seems that i am a burden on my parents and every time I see them it makes me feel guilty.They expect me to be diplomatic and extrovert just like my elder brother which is very hard for me to do.Not that they don't love me but I feel that they don't have confidence in me anymore.
There is not even a single day that i don't cry alone at night in my room and thoughts of commiting suicide surpass me every now and then.But to be honest i don't want to die, not because i am afraid but because I want to prove myself to others, to achieve something, make people realize that they were wrong in judging me.But it has been 7 yrs now and my condition has just became worse and nothing seems to improve in the near future.So, its better to end myself now instead of causing troubles to myself and others.I know i will certainly ease some tension from my parents no matter what anyone says.The only reason i am still alive is tiny little hope deep inside in the corner of my heart that says "be patient, good things will happen for u".What shoukd i do?
I know its quite long but i had to write it one day.Thanks for reading.
Please don't ask me to see the psychiatrist simply because i can't.
2007-01-08
07:32:21
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17 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Mental Health