Should I commit suicide or just hang on???

Question

ok , i need to ask this question.Right from the childhood i have been a shy, introvert and lonely boy and people used to comment/mock at that.I have heard that kids usually have imaginary friends so I had too. Infact a whole imaginary family.I am now 21 yrs old and still have that imaginary family.I have hardly any friends and have no one to share my feelings with and its all piling up inside.So i have no option but to discuss it with myself or my imaginary family members. I have always felt deprived of love and no recogonition or appreciation from others.

Now for the past few yrs I have been in depression. I have always been a modest, philanthropist and altruistic by nature but fed up with diplomacy and cunningness of people.Not performing well academically too and suffering from extreme low self confidence.Humiliated uncountable number of times by many people.All these things are turning me into a misanthrope (which i consider menace to the society) and make me believe that all people are self centred.

It seems that i am a burden on my parents and every time I see them it makes me feel guilty.They expect me to be diplomatic and extrovert just like my elder brother which is very hard for me to do.Not that they don't love me but I feel that they don't have confidence in me anymore.

There is not even a single day that i don't cry alone at night in my room and thoughts of commiting suicide surpass me every now and then.But to be honest i don't want to die, not because i am afraid but because I want to prove myself to others, to achieve something, make people realize that they were wrong in judging me.But it has been 7 yrs now and my condition has just became worse and nothing seems to improve in the near future.So, its better to end myself now instead of causing troubles to myself and others.I know i will certainly ease some tension from my parents no matter what anyone says.The only reason i am still alive is tiny little hope deep inside in the corner of my heart that says "be patient, good things will happen for u".What shoukd i do?

I know its quite long but i had to write it one day.Thanks for reading.

Please don't ask me to see the psychiatrist simply because i can't.

Answer 1

While I can't say I know how you feel, I have been depressed before and thought of suicide, only i was too chicken to do it. I eventually worked up the nerve to call a counseling service and saw a shrink. I know its hard because you feel embarassed about it. But it really is the best thing. You might be suffering from clinical depression and need some serious help. Usually, there are helpline numbers to call, you could try that then its over the phone and you can remain anynomous. I also got involved in martial arts. That helped me so much. it will help you build confidence in yourself and help you meet other people. Since you are shy, it may be hard for you get involved in something like that, but you should try. Join a gym, excercise is a great way to build confidence in yourself. That is all you really need, Self Esteem. Once you get that then everything else will work itself out. Get involved in a hobby NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. Church, community service some type of sport ...whatever.

Whatever you decide to do, suicide is not the answer. You will not relieve anything for your parents. You will only make them feel guilty. I can promise that your parents want you to be happy and since they perceive your brother to be happy then yes they want you to be like him. I

If you need to talk about your feelings and don't feel ready to talk to a person, get a journal. I write in one all the time and it helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings and I don't feel so confused.

I don't know you, so I can;t say that you are nice and sweet and all that other stuff....but I am sure that you would be missed alot by people who love you even if you don't know it. Feel free to e-mail me or something if you want someone to talk with. Since it's over the internet, then it's not personal and you may feel more comfortable opening up. I'm not a shrink, I promise.

Answer 2

I'm not sure why you can't seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist. If it's because of financial reasons or lack of insurance then there are mental health centers that offer free assessments, and therapy sessions on a sliding fee scale to those who qualify.
If it's because you're ashamed to seek help then please realize that it takes a lot of strength to ask for help.

You've been suffering through these feelings for a long time now and sometimes people can fall into a pattern and begin to think that there's no way out, as is how you're feeling. But there IS a way out of this suffering and the only way for this to happen is for you to take the initiative and get a professional assessment about what's causing you all of this suffering.

I understand that parental and family expectations are often unrealistic and certain family members can be pigeon-holed or expected to act like everyone else in the family. But each of us is a unique person with our own strengths and gifts and you have strengths or you wouldn't still be here. You sound like a bright and and fairly self-sufficient person so try not to beat yourself up about what you feel may be lacking in yourself; also try not to fall into the trap of blaming others for how you feel because it only diminishes your individuality and can hold you back in your journey to healing.

Suicide is never the answer and you have a lot to offer, a lot to experience and yes, good things will happen. Please seek treatment right away and begin to fully live your life. Take care and be well.

Answer 3

People love you, even though you may feel you've disappointed some of them. I'm sorry people have been mean to you and realize they are just jerks. You have a purpose for being here, we all do. I think that god gave you your life and you should not take it now. That is something you might regret for eternity. It's not easy to hang on when it's tough, and just because everyone else looks happy and perfect doesn't mean they are. Many people are battling their own demons and trials. I think you should try to find a friend or someone you can trust to help carry you through this time. You might find help from a simple pill that corrects a chemical imbalance that's causing all of this grief for you. It would be sad to think of all of the things you could do with your life and how many terminally ill people would dream of just one more day. Enjoy life and forget expectations and what everyone else thinks. There will always be someone with a rude comment, just say to yourself, "They're a Jerk!" and move on. I'm a parent and would never want my child to die/suicide for any reason! You simply can't believe that no matter what. I hope you find someone that can help, maybe someone from a church? Good luck

Answer 4

Here are some numbers for you.

SUICIDE PREVENTION

Suicide & Crisis Hotline [phone] Help for Troubled Teens

National Hope Line Network 1-800-784-2433 Suicide Prevention



SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT IT TO

Talk Zone 1-800-475-TALK Peer Counselors

Teen Help Line 1-800-400-0900 Help Line For Troubled Teens

Teen Hot Line 1-800-747-8336 Hot Line For Troubled Teens

VOICES In Action, Inc. 1-773-327-1500

Youth Development International 1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663) Youth Crisis Hotline

Answer 5

I too have experienced profound depression in my life. I found that I was diagnosed Manic Depressive and was perscribed medication to treat my illness.

You know what? It works wonderfully! I still suffer occasionally with depression but quite honestly I feel like I have my life back now. You can see a psychiatrist! You can and you must! If you think your depression is bad what do you think your parents will go through if you do commit suicide?

Often times loved ones are left with an open wound of their own when a family member commits suicide. They often wonder if there was something they could have done to prevent it and end up taking the blame upon themselves for something you did.

Do not suffer in silence, You really should speak with your parents about your feelings and seriously consider professional help. If you aren't going to do it for yourself then at least do it for your family.

Answer 6

Suicide is acceptance of what others believe of you, not what you believe of yourself.

Clearly, you know something of yourself to know that you're not the person everyone else has marked you out to be - and that you can be better.

Life is a string of experiences, some painful, many happy.

If you can't see a psychiatrist, I recommend seeing your doctor. Tell them simply that you've been having a tough time and would like to consider something like sertraline or prozac. Sometimes outlook is simply chemical.

Suicide is the ultimate loss of hope. There's no honor or nobility in suicide. No one is better because of it. And if anything, you don't have to live with the results of your actions.

Answer 7

You can't see a therapist or you won't? If it's because you don't want your parents to know then you need to talk to someone at school or at your church if you belong to one. These are pretty heavy issues that are resolvable but you have to get some professional help.

I can assure you that everyone on this earth has a legacy to leave. We are ALL valuable. Feeling misunderstood is not unusual. Having a family made up and thoughts of suicide need immediate attention.

I know the dynamics of your family makes you feel it is impossible to talk to them. And they may have said and done some things that make you feel not valued or not good enough. If you were to have killed yourself, it would scar them forever. And you would regret it. Hang in there. Things do always get better.

Good luck.

Answer 8

hey, i am in the same position as you are...except i don't cry to myself everyday...because i don't really care....
that's right...i have cared in the past what other people thought of me...i too am an introvert, and still am...my parents always want me to be like my brother, whom is an extrovert
there are a lot of things you need to let go....don't let the little things bother you
i don't have many friends and i feel hurt everytime my parents or my brother said this or said something about why don't i hang out with more friends more often....but the thing is, i'm fine with the way i am...i like spending time alone or just one or two friends is enough
i always have low confidence, even now...but i try not let it bother me as lately i've been speaking what's on my mind....if no one responds you...just don't think they think you're weird and forget it and move on
also, try to get into classes you enjoy....for me, i took up martial arts and a part time job, which provided excellent ways to meet friends and practice my social skills

so overall, i am still an introvert, but i think about what i want to accomplish, is to be a lawyer or a cop and i'm currently under study in these areas....as long as i'm doing what i want...i don't care about other people think...
live for yourself, not for others....when you can take care of yourself, then you can take care of others..but don't be selfish as being selfish doesn't go too good on my consciounce

take care...hope this helps

Answer 9

If you realized it yet, by writing your "question" you are reaching out for help.

The best help any of us here in Yahoo Answers can give you is to get professional help where you live.

There are lots of good doctors in your area that can help you better understand the emotions you are feeling, and help you find a way to deal with them.

Believe me, there is help for you if you only take the first step and seek that help out.

Try contacting your family doctor; a local suicide prevention center or hot line; your clergy man; or any other person or organization that you feel can help you to begin to deal with this.

I hope this helps.

Answer 10

Hold on please. That hope in the corner of your heart is God, who knows that things will get better and knows that you are a valuable person with a lot to give. Focus always on that. The world needs people like you as much as the extroverts.
May God bless you. I will pray for you.