Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

a man with both no arms and legs was trapped in a burning house. to save himself, he jumped out of bed, ran to the window, opened the window...and jumped out of the burning house. QUESTION: how did he do all those things?

2007-02-22 16:46:40 · 14 answers · asked by kaye g 1

I know what he meant by that. Do you?

2007-02-22 16:43:54 · 3 answers · asked by Bob D. 2

2007-02-22 16:41:56 · 13 answers · asked by maimatt7 3

Wut Ryhmes with orange ! to the first person that can answer me I'll give you the best answer! PLEASE HELP

2007-02-22 16:30:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.00fun.com/annoying.shtml

2007-02-22 16:21:26 · 8 answers · asked by dee_ann 6

It caused 25 Euros of damage.

2007-02-22 16:09:46 · 11 answers · asked by ? 3

I will select the stupidest joke here as the best answer. You may submit one joke only.

2007-02-22 15:49:59 · 30 answers · asked by CB #7 ftw 3

I need to get out of school. For a few reasons:
1. I haven't done my homework in around 1.333 weeks.
2. I'm lazy.
3. A health project was due last friday and I was supposed to finish it.



((These technices (sp?) need to be done with EVERYDAY objects. Plus I have a broken thumb, so take that into consideration.))

2007-02-22 15:48:12 · 15 answers · asked by spy_master49 2

The French have already surrended.

2007-02-22 15:46:00 · 20 answers · asked by ? 3

2007-02-22 15:43:31 · 22 answers · asked by crystal b 2

1st ant says"there are 9 ants behind me" the second says"there are 8 behind me, but the 3rd says"there are six behind me. why is that?

2007-02-22 15:43:07 · 18 answers · asked by frodo 1

im just curious... whats the FUNNIEST thing that has EVERmade you laugh until you were on the floor!!!???

2007-02-22 15:39:06 · 9 answers · asked by OnARoll 2

sally sells sea shells by the sea shore

2007-02-22 15:37:38 · 11 answers · asked by manowar684 1

after a late night of horror movies i fell asleep and had a dream i stepped into Mcdonalds to apply for a job, a big fat women handed me a form with 3 questions, "do you like Mcdonalds?" "Whats your name?" and the real weird one "please use your best artistic skills to draw a Ronald Mcdonald replica in the box below." so i did, and i was hired right away, they made me put on rubber gloves and jam hamburgers wrapped in plastic through a tiny hole (no window or anything..people just grabbed them, no money either..) after this, we all went into this huge room, and watched "The Deer Hunter" on this really old tv, a video tape...why did i have this dream?

2007-02-22 15:32:56 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

On a Sear's hairdryer:
....Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
....You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

2007-02-22 15:24:51 · 4 answers · asked by ♥Panda♥ 3

If someone gives you another mouse for your computer at work and doesn't take the old one back, do you have two mouses or do you have mice? Please advise.

2007-02-22 15:14:52 · 8 answers · asked by Commander 3

2007-02-22 15:07:35 · 4 answers · asked by Austin H 1

here is a riddle:

a man walks into a bar see, and he asks for a drink. The barman holds up a gun at his face, the man (thank god) comes out alive and says thank you. Why does he say thank you and what happened?

2007-02-22 15:00:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which of these sets of numbers does not belong?
111
222
333
444
555
666
(Why?)

2007-02-22 14:59:01 · 11 answers · asked by Squeakers 6

2007-02-22 14:58:51 · 19 answers · asked by crystal b 2

And the punch line is.....

"I'm sorry, but you can't bring those marshmallows in here!"

2007-02-22 14:58:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.

********************

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.

********************

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

********************

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

********************

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was last alive."

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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

********************

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the counter?" she asked. "I can if I take two," he answered.

2007-02-22 14:50:45 · 1 answers · asked by mysweetest666 1

Riddle

2007-02-22 14:46:10 · 15 answers · asked by Stanley Adams Ang 1

HALLOWEEN
CHRISTMAS
EASTER

2007-02-22 14:46:08 · 6 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

One said he's not happy on Halloween, because there are no costumes on a stick, so I told him he can always go as a fudge sickle.

2007-02-22 14:44:39 · 1 answers · asked by "Peanut" 2

2007-02-22 14:44:01 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-22 14:41:54 · 11 answers · asked by crystal b 2

2007-02-22 14:36:20 · 7 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

it is the begining of end it comes twice in a week once in a year never in a day?

2007-02-22 14:35:07 · 11 answers · asked by frodo 1

Discovered in Africa, I spread like a tide.
To become a hot staple known the world wide.
A necessity to some, a treasure to many,
I'm best enjoyed among pleasant company.

Some like me hot and some like me cold.
Some prefer mild, others only bold.
Some take me straight, while some like to savor
My essence to which has been added a flavor.

So put down your cares and sit awhile with me;
I'll send you back refreshed and full of energy.

2007-02-22 14:31:03 · 15 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3