Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

wat is 40% of 70?

2007-01-25 10:49:58 · 2 answers · asked by kitten baby 2

can someone give me the right time please

2007-01-25 10:44:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-25 10:44:31 · 15 answers · asked by Julia 4

.....on the interaction between food intake and sex drive for both men and women.
It covered all the food groups, combinations of different foods, intake volume's, etc...etc...
They EVENTUALLY found a food that can reduce a womans sexual drive by 80%......









Wedding Cake.

2007-01-25 10:44:29 · 10 answers · asked by JOHN W 3

The undertaker had great trouble putting him in the coffin. You see he'd put the left arm in........

2007-01-25 10:39:45 · 21 answers · asked by JOHN W 3

A blond was so afraid of horses she never learned to ride one. So, one day she gets up on a horse and while holding the reigns with both hands she rode, after a little while she felt more comfortable and waved with one hand as she held the reigns with the other. Just then , she fell off the horse with her foot caught in the stirrup. Her head was hitting the ground as the horse went on and on- just then , Bill, the Walmart greeter turned the machine off.

2007-01-25 10:39:39 · 15 answers · asked by avengergt 3

I dont get this riddle can u help-
I stand on one leg in the morning
I stand on two legs in the afternoon
and at night i stand on three legs

help with this plz
thxs
»(¯`v´¯)--» Kelsea

2007-01-25 10:34:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

anyone of u guys know what this word means 'mauri' and who use this kind of language...10pts to the one who get it


a friend of mine asked me the same question but i cant find the meaning..so i turn to u guys 4 ur help

2007-01-25 10:27:20 · 13 answers · asked by Tuffx2 1

3 blondes decided one day to go for a walk in the forest., they stumble upon a set of tracks.

1st blonde: "wow look at those are Cougar tracks"!!

2nd: blonde" those look more like coyote tracks"

The third Blonde thourougly annoyed now. " Jeez did you guys fail school or somethin?, these are Elephant tracks!.


And so it was they continued arguing amongst themselves when they felt the ground shaking.........................................

THEN THE TRAIN HIT THEM!!

2007-01-25 10:24:05 · 13 answers · asked by frankyrulez 2

There's a dirty stinking sh1thouse to the north of Kathmandu,
There's another one for ladies further down.
Now it's run by sally Tucker..for a shilling you can fu*c her..
You can sleep with her for only half a crown.
Now she's known as Sally Tucker by the men who used to fu8k her..
Though her real name's Dehula Johnson Black.
Now she's handled many a tool since the day that she left school,
and she's earned a damn good living on her back.
One day she had a rattle with a sailor from Seattle
And she wondered why he hugged so long and close.
But when thy'd finished skrewing, she found what he was doing..
He had left her with a proper fuc*ing dose.

Thre's a dirty stinking sailor to the north of Kathmandu ,
With a dose of syphillis slowly turning green.
Now he's hacked it and he's scratched ,it
but n'eer can he detatch it.
'Twas the vengeance of Duhula Johnson Black.

2007-01-25 10:18:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Smile, your on the TV show, Gottcha!

You thought I was going to say something bad like, to screw a light bulb in, right. Lights bulbs are not for that. But it would take one woman to get a man to do it.

Now you snap; not in a crazy way. Don't be ruuude or ugly. Just have fun. Not with a light bulb. OK, you can be rude.

2007-01-25 10:17:45 · 8 answers · asked by kasar777 3

Okay, so there's a joke it goes something like... "I was thirsty so i went to the dam to get some dam water and the dam man said i could have any dam water, now that's a good dam story" or something close to it, it's been bugging me, but how does it really go? Does anyone know?

2007-01-25 10:15:25 · 7 answers · asked by Kayla 1

A man was in the middle of the jungle surrounded by a hundred savages. He said to himself, 'i'm screwed.' Then suddenly god appeared and said to the man, 'no, you are not... take that stone over there and beat the chief to death with it.' So the man grabbed the stone, and lunged at the chief, killing him almost instantly. Then god reappeared and told the man, 'now.... YOU'RE SCREWED.'

2007-01-25 10:13:35 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

News is that El Al and Al Italia are joining forces and making a huge airline company.
Its going to be called Well I'll Tell Ya

2007-01-25 10:09:24 · 6 answers · asked by gr1m 2

well said ,big head - same goes, big nose - very wise ,four eyes

2007-01-25 10:01:56 · 6 answers · asked by ema 2

called her Irish maid and drew her attention to the dust on the top of the piano."Mary" she said "I could write my name in this dust" "Isn't education a grand thing, ma'am? said Mary.

2007-01-25 09:48:39 · 6 answers · asked by hogasnogie 1

Jhonny is conscripted in the war and finds himself on the front line. So He asks his sarge how in the world he could get a month's paid leave. After much persistance his Sergeant finally agrees to give him the leave if he brings a Panzer tank back to him.

Off Jhonny went and 3 days later he comes back driving a Panzer. Absolutley amazed his sarge signs the leave forms and sends him on his holiday.

Befrore jhonny left he asked how he did it.

Jhonny replied: it was easy i was stuck in a trench with bullets flying over and I shouted HANZ and he replied JA so I shouted DO YOU WANT A MONTHS HOLIDAY so he replied JA.

So then we swapped tanks

2007-01-25 09:47:31 · 20 answers · asked by geoffrey2312 3

certain people are being targeted tonight , with a muppet hidding behind a keyboard , using others id ::: i will get them

2007-01-25 09:37:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 100 politicians at a convention. Each politician is either crooked or honest. We have only two facts:
1. at least one of the politicians is honest
2. given any two of the politicians, at least one of the two is crooked
can we determine how many are of the politicians are honest and how many are crooked? if so, how many? if not, why not?

2007-01-25 09:36:01 · 17 answers · asked by questionhere 2

A few days ago i played a prank on my lil sis who's in 3rd grade.
I got 2 pairs of her panties. i put 1 in her backpack and 1 in her math folder. hopefully sum1 would see it. but alas,she hid it.im gonna put a pair in her book!!!

2007-01-25 09:33:35 · 14 answers · asked by Chris 2

2007-01-25 09:31:14 · 6 answers · asked by sylesh3 3

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going to burn your ***.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them again.

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where in the hell is the ceiling?

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!!!

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Be careful...a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ***.

Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

I'd love to live life in the fast lane, but I'm married to a speed bump.

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich!

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!

How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!

2007-01-25 09:25:39 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

no? forget it. it was way over your head anyway.

2007-01-25 09:23:29 · 16 answers · asked by Chris 2

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing! it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

2007-01-25 09:15:27 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

In life there are two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick. If you are well then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about: either you get well or you die.

If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell.

If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry.

2007-01-25 09:13:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need some so i can get a laugh out of my crush. :)

2007-01-25 09:13:10 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-25 08:52:40 · 13 answers · asked by Amy L 2

2007-01-25 08:52:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

We need to know a magic trick for school!!!!!
So if you know any cool magic tricks please tell me how to do them, what I need, and the secret. PLEASE HELP ASAP!!!!

2007-01-25 08:40:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-25 08:36:07 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous