Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

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2007-01-04 15:04:42 · 10 answers · asked by ? 1

She drops her chips.

2007-01-04 15:03:05 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok i'm convinced you two are very very funny. who-ever said women are not funny have obviously never met you two.

i think you should get together and make a bloomin big joke book.
i'd buy it.

2007-01-04 14:54:34 · 7 answers · asked by dooglepuff 3

where are you located if you walk 100 steps south, then 100 steps east, and finally 100 steps north and you are in the same place where you strarted

2007-01-04 14:52:02 · 7 answers · asked by cherry 3

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."

2007-01-04 14:49:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!
...Or men who need a warning.

2007-01-04 14:46:19 · 29 answers · asked by Tink 5

What is the longest word in the dictionary?

2007-01-04 14:41:03 · 14 answers · asked by Mr T 4

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

2007-01-04 14:40:19 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they
vapour lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old
sour fart.

2007-01-04 14:39:27 · 15 answers · asked by Tink 5

I live in winter, die in summer, and grow with my roots upward.
What Am I?

2007-01-04 14:38:30 · 9 answers · asked by Mr T 4

What type of people live in a world where fast service is not appreciated, matches don't burn, and love means nothing?

2007-01-04 14:33:33 · 7 answers · asked by Mr T 4

You're walking down a street trying to get to Truesville where every one tells the truth. You come to a fork in the road and all that you know is that one road leads to Truesville and the other to Liesville where everyone lies. There is a girl in the middle of the fork and you dont know if she is from Liesville or Truesville. What is the one question you can ask her to get to Truesville?

2007-01-04 14:31:42 · 15 answers · asked by Mr T 4

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her "What happened?"

She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"

"The person called back."

2007-01-04 14:31:26 · 12 answers · asked by OnTheProwl007 4

If you can get them all right,you'll get 10 points.

1)A riddle,a riddle,as I suppose,
A hundred eyes and never a nose!
What is it?

2)Thirty white horses upon a red hill,
Now they tramp,now they champ,
Now they stand still.
What are they?

3)Riddle me,riddle me,what is that?
Over the head and under the hat?
What is this?

2007-01-04 14:30:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you drop an egg 50 feet without breaking it?

2007-01-04 14:30:29 · 14 answers · asked by Mr T 4

If there's a hole in your yard, spanning 3 feet wide and 3 feet deep, how much dirt would be in it?

2007-01-04 14:28:11 · 5 answers · asked by Mr T 4

She was screwed over by her ex hub. Doesn't want her son to do the same thing so she tells him to stay away from women. "They are evil" So he gets into high school and finds an attarction for women, sexual attraction. He says, "they don't seem so bad" Mom replies, "stay away...they are all evil and never have sex with a woman, she has teeth down there and she'll bite your **** off" He goes to college, meets a wonderful woman and falls in love. He decides, she is not evil like mom said. But he never slept with her because of his mother's words. Eventually they get married and on their wedding night, he is shy and skirts around the idea of sex. His wife says, "Come to bed honey, it's time we consumate" He tells her of the words his mother spoke, and she laughs. She says, "I don't have teeth down there, I'll show you" She pulls back the sheets, slowly opens her legs for him to get a look and he exclaims "No wonder you have no teeth, look at what bad shape your gums are in!"

2007-01-04 14:23:53 · 7 answers · asked by sammiejane67 4

There was a young Native American Boy,Who was Sad and confused.
So this is what he asked his mother :
Mom,Why is my Brothers name Windstorm?
his mother replied:Because Son he was Concieved during a Windstorm.
Well why is my sister's name Moon-Shine,He asked?
Because your sister was Concieved when the Moon was rising in the Night sky,his mother explained.

The poor boy looked even more sad and confused than before,
His mother looked at him and said: "Tell me, Why are you looking so sad and confused Brokenrubber?"

2007-01-04 14:15:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-04 14:14:05 · 7 answers · asked by cherry 3

2007-01-04 14:03:40 · 13 answers · asked by graci de lokovats 1

i see it all the time. its just stupid. if you answer i dont know to this question you're too corny to be on here.

2007-01-04 14:03:32 · 26 answers · asked by Ben S 1

What one thing could you buy with a pack of condoms to make the cashier really raise an eyebrow?

Condoms and diapers. Haha

2007-01-04 14:03:24 · 11 answers · asked by SpringsGirl 2

Inside joke lol just answer

2007-01-04 14:01:38 · 59 answers · asked by Brinney 1

2007-01-04 13:52:50 · 7 answers · asked by spackler 6

2007-01-04 13:50:59 · 11 answers · asked by punk_ass 2

2007-01-04 13:50:25 · 6 answers · asked by spackler 6

Psychiatric hotline - RING RING RING -

“Welcome to Psychiatric hotline… If you are obsessive compulsive please press 1 repeatedly… If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multi-personalities, please press 3,4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want – just stay on the line so that we can trace the call…
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press…. If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.”

2007-01-04 13:50:24 · 13 answers · asked by Helen 4

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Dno`t you thnik tahts naet?

2007-01-04 13:47:19 · 17 answers · asked by Tink 5

but for you English, we will call this guy a chav. He has been stranded for months on a desert island and one day this blonde wetsuit-clad woman bounds out of the sea to rescue him.

'I am here to rescue you!' she shouts, 'But first I will grant you three wishes'.

Without a moment's hesitation the chav asks for three pints of Stella. The blonde slightly unzips her wet suit and pulls out three ice-cold cans of Stella and hands them to him.

'You have two more wishes,' she reminds him as he swigs his beer.

'Have ye got a ***-end?' he asks.

'I can do better than that ...' and she hands him a Kensitas Club.

'And for your third wish?' she asks, her finger on her zipper.

The chav frowns and thinks.

'Have ye got a telly with Tricia on it?' he finally asks.

'Aww ..' she pouts , 'Do you not want to play around?'

''Brilliant!' shouts the chav triumphantly. 'Don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there as well!'

2007-01-04 13:38:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-04 13:34:36 · 15 answers · asked by biswajit m 1